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Thursday, April 28, 2016

In My Quest to Find a Little Balance

I have hit a breaking point. I am cracking. I am officially exhausted. I knew being a mom would be hard. I knew it would mean sacrifices. I am a strong, wonderful, independent, loving woman and mother. I love my life I do. But I am feeling empty. OH so empty. Tired. Run down. Beat down. Overstimulated. I know I need to take steps to try and create a little balance in my life now before the scales tip so far that something crazy happens. So I increased the hours I have my sitters come, to give me little windows of time. I made an exercise docket, because my body hurts, and I know I will feel better if I lose some of this weight and my energy will increase with exercise. I am not exactly sure when I will have time for that.

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Over the past few weeks I have been researching therapists. I have had a number on my desk for two weeks, and so a few days ago I called to set up an appointment. Although I hate the idea of going back I need to go to therapy again.

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Today I went to the therapist for the first time. He specializes in eating disorders and depression. Two things I am/have battled with. He said something today that struck me as beautiful imagery.

“that we all start out as clay. We all want to be pretty bowls. We are almost always born to regular people… not artists. And so our bowls are made a little less than perfect, they may have ripples that affect us over our lifetime or maybe holes that need to be patched. The idea of therapy is to lay new clay over the holes and to smooth out our ripples.”

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Therapy, exercise, sleep, birding, blogging, more things that make me feel like a human being. Not enough time. Not nearly enough time for it all. But I can try.

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