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Saturday, January 16, 2016

My Little Cricket’s Delay: Dropping our Typical Classes

This week I made the difficult decision to drop the Santa Monica Toddler Art Class we have been attending for a year and a half and to drop the Branches Toddler Class we have been attending for four months. Sure I would love for my Little Cricket to stay in these classes, surrounded by typical peers so he can at least still do some normal things. But sadly both classes are during times I need for specific therapies. As much as I want to keep my Little Cricket in typical classes he needs his therapy more.

If I am truly honest with myself I also just cannot be around typical developing kids right now. Like when I had gone through both miscarriages I have a deep gut wrenching feeling of unfairness. I have a history of depression. It started when my brother passed away. It got a little better and then intensified when I had both of my miscarriages. And I can feel it beginning to try to choke me now. Right now I cannot afford to spiral into a pit of depression. I CANNOT DO IT. My Little Cricket needs me, he needs me more than he ever has, and so I put my big girl panties on and I do what I have to do.

Sadly this also means that I am avoiding my mommy and me groups right now. I belong in two groups with 22 moms total, and I have taken a step back from all of them. When invited out I have given the excuse that I am exhausted (which is true) or that we are exceptionally busy right now maybe in a month (which is also true). I don’t know when I will be ready to see them again, I am hoping soon.

But for now I need to focus on the astronomical mountain of things I need to accomplish right now. Wish me luck. Please pray.

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