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Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Mommy Group Session 2: Class 8

We ran to class today. I was sure I was going to be super late. LALA land traffic can really mess with my Chi. I did however find rockstar parking which made me only a few minutes late. The universe was throwing this tired mama a bone for sure.

Anyway we made it to class and I got my Little Cricket into his costume. And then I took a breath and sat back because there is nothing cuter than BABIES IN COSTUMES. Cute overload. Almost everyone had picked a little animal outfit for their babies and each kid was just more snuggly cute than the last. We waited a few more minutes for the last of the group to arrive and while we waited the babies were all entranced by each others awesomeness. At one point we lined them all up on the floor.

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And then the last babies got to class. Before anyone had a meltdown the instructor guided us to get all the babies on the couch. 9 little munchkins all daminoed on top of the one next to them (a good many of the babies are not sitting up yet including mine). One little lion in the way corner I didn’t get a great photo of. All 9 of us mommies were snapping away trying to get a good shot, it was hard to move, and I was so focused on my Little Crickets face that I just missed him… makes me sad  Amazingly enough the babies lasted a few minutes while we all sang, jumped and took photos, before finally some of them started dissolving into tears. Moms grabbed babies and the dominos system failed. I am so glad to have gotten such a cute photo of almost all the babies.

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We still had half a class to go. We gathered in our customary circle and settled in to chat. As we started stripping off the costumes we talked about what you say and what you should say. That slight variations in how you word things make a large difference in how a child perceives their value and their feelings. An example she gave is if a child falls or hurts themselves and is crying out of frustration or anger or pain a natural inclination would be to comfort a child saying “You are ok, don’t worry, you are ok”. In essence you are telling a child that they are ok. You didn’t validate that they are frustrated, angry or in pain. You didn’t ask how they were. Instead you are soothing over and trying to get the child to stop crying by trying to assure them that everything will be fine.

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Instead you should say “Wow, I saw that fall, that looked like it hurt. Are you ok?”. Here you are validating what they did, you are helping them understand what emotion they are feeling and you are asking if the child is ok. Sure a baby doesn’t see the difference at 5 months like my son is. But as a child is growing in this world so am I as a mother. The way you start things tends to cause habits and I love that this class not only addresses our immediate issues as parents but also some later larger topics.

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It reminds me of a time I went to dinner with a friend and her small two year old child. We were at a restaurant and her little girl was eating lemons, the kid loved them. But halfway through our dessert she got lemon in her eye and started crying loudly. The whole restaurant looked over and my immediate reaction was to swipe up some whipped cream and offer it to her so she would stop crying. My friend handled it well, she told me to stop, and instead she picked up her daughter and told her something along the lines of “Awwww sweety, that must have really hurt. Lemon in your eye stings doesn’t it. Well I know that hurt so cry it out.” Her daughter didn’t respond of course and in a few minutes she quieted down and resumed eating lemons being more careful not to get any in her eye.

That moment has stuck with me, as will this one in class, because the way we say things is important.

On another note one of the moms in my group is giving her baby Holle that she imports from Germany. Apparently according to the experts it is the best organic formula in the world. Since I had such a horrible experience with formula previously and since I want something as a backup in case I get sick I asked her if I could buy a box off of her. Today she brought me a box as a gift, so sweet of her, and now I can breathe a sigh of relief that if something happens to me or my milk supply my baby has the best on hand.

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