Thursday, June 6, 2013

Sleepless in LALA Land

“Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win.” – Stephen King

Mr. Rogue and I are pretty perfectly comparable. We almost always agree on almost everything and we rarely fight. Ours is a relationship of compromise, we are both independent and we both try hard to give each other the proper balance of support and space. Sure there are a few little pet peeves that rear their ugly head once in a while but in general to me our marriage is almost perfect.

But no road can go on forever in blissful harmony and boy oh boy have we been dealing with some major bumps. Mr. Rogue cut his hand and needed surgery to fix the tendon, then we found out he had a freak busted spine that also needed surgery. Both of these had long recoveries with limits on his movements, drugs to manage pain and lots of physical therapy that he is still doing. Taking a healthy man and giving him serious injuries has caused a bunch of stress which has caused some depression and soul searching. Then I have been in the last trimester of a high risk pregnancy with restrictions placed on me by my doctor as well as having to deal with the last trimester tiredness and the rocking hormonal roller coaster. Then comes the birth of our first child with an unexpected cesarean surgery which has left me in massive amounts of pain and us with a new little baby to take care of.

Needless to say the past four months have been more than difficult but we have stood strong, family and friends have rallied to help and Mr. Rogue and I have been managing. Well that is we have been managing until last night. My son is now almost three weeks old and the months leading up to his birth, the stress of taking care of Mr. Rogue, the c-section pain and harder than I thought recuperation, the crazy roller coaster hormones, the round the clock breastfeeding and the sleep deprivation has taken their toll. So last night I lost it.

I lost it over something that I normally would have been able to manage with Mr. Rogue in our typical way. We would have talked about it and figured out how to fix the problem. But I was at the end of my rope, I had maxed out all my patience and I couldn’t think.

I am a light sleeper and a few months ago Mr. Rogue started snoring. At first it wasn't that bad, just a slightly quiet purr however over the months it has gotten progressively worse. We have tried nose strips (they suck) he tried drugs to open his airways (they worked but left him feeling awful). So I was dealing up until this point by asking him to roll over, or nudging him awake so I could hopefully fall asleep before he started up again. It has been LESS than optimal but with everything else going on we just didn’t have the energy to really dig into the problem of finding out WHY he is snoring. But even the last 6 days before I delivered it got to the point where I gave up and ended up sleeping in the guest room.

But I don't want to be that couple. I love sleeping next to my man. Sleeping in separate rooms is not the answer I want but neither can I go night after night not getting any sleep and causing Mr. Rogue to have interrupted sleep. The problem is so FRUSTRATING. When we came home with our son I sucked it up and just tried to deal with his snoring again. I figured that I was so tired maybe I could just fall asleep despite the noise. Note to self, don’t try to deal with something like this when your reserves are maxed out and you are a big raw ball of sobbing emotion.

So last night I couldn’t sleep again. The baby would fuss. I would get him quieted down and then when I finally crawled back into bed so exhausted I couldn’t keep my eyes open Mr. Rogue would keep me up. So I cried. I woke up Mr. Rogue and I sobbed. He offered to go sleep in the couch (our spare bedroom is not made up now and even putting on sheets was too much to deal with) but he had to work the next morning plus with his spine injury the couch is not good for him. So I packed up our boy. I stumbled downstairs to the couch. I cried some more and then I slept. And I slept great because our wonderful son decided to give me 3 hours of sleep instead of his normal 1.5 hours.

We haven’t resolved the problem yet. I am not exactly sure how we are going to go about getting it fixed. For now I will just try and sleep as much as I can during the day when he is at work and the baby is asleep and we will sit down to figure out a solution soon.

In other news I seem to have an angel baby. Sure he wakes up ever hour and a half but he gets his diaper changed, he eats and then he falls right back to sleep. So the universe is at least helping me out a little bit, and I appreciate it!


paul peggy zeus said...

I'm so blessed, my husband doesn't snore enough to keep me awake. I'm the one who snores, but since he's hard of hearing, it doesn't bother him. A match made in heaven! lol.

Jennifer Arens said...

We are hoping to find a new bed, but I sleep on the couch more often than not. Doctors just say he's working too much and cut back....can't do anything about that!

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