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Monday, April 15, 2013

Mr. Rogue Goes Under the Knife… Again

Today is Mr. Rogue’s spine surgery and I am a mess. A crying, sobbing, terrified, hormonal, emotional mess and I have to keep it all together because he is a mess too, and he needs me to be strong. We arrived at the hospital at 5:30am not so chipper since neither of us slept a wink. I remember sitting in the waiting room dreading for them to call his name. I just wanted him to sit there forever and hold my hand, because this was spine surgery, because one of the complications of the surgery could be limited mobility or even paralysation, because I was terrified they would take my husband away and return him broken.

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They called his name, I smiled at him and leaned into his kiss and then he walked away from me and I started crying. After all he would be back in pre-operation area for an hour before they said I could go back to keep him company. I had time to lose it. So I sat in the restroom and let it go for just a minute. Surely no one is going to blame the pregnant woman for tying up the bathroom for a little longer than what is considered normal.

After my breakdown I felt a little better. At least the tremendous pressure was relieved a little and I was much better to handle everything when they called me back to hang out with Mr. Rogue. It is amazing how the universe works. Four weeks ago we were in a similar situation, Mr. Rogue waiting to back for surgery, except that time it was just his thumb, something traumatic but minor. Maybe that surgery happened to prepare us for what would happen here, a much larger, much more terrifying surgery. But the motions were so similar.

They had him hooked up to a bunch of wires, apparently there will be a neurologist monitoring his hand and feet motor functions during the surgery to make sure that the doctor doesn’t hit a major nerve while removing the pressure of his broken disc on his spinal column.

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And then almost before I knew it the nurse said it was time. I walked back to the waiting room knowing I had no control over the next two or three hours. I prayed and I paced. Finally I made my way to the cafeteria where I had a chocolate shake and a chocolate chip cookie while I tried desperately to write down how I felt. The words were jumbled, the sentences weren’t making sense but I figured I could edit later. The freestyle form of writing helped to relive some anxiety and more importantly helped to pass the time. Before I knew it two hours had almost gone by and I raced back upstairs to wait for the doctor. Another nerve racking hour finally found him by my side. He said that the operation went perfectly… I focused on perfectly… a good solid happy word. He said Mr. Rogue was in recovery and that the nurse would come to get me soon. He also said that recovery will be long and hard but that with time he is hopeful that Mr. Rogue won’t even know he has a replacement disc. It was all good news so I took a big breath in relief and started texting the family.

I got called back about 20 minutes later. Mr. Rogue was still in and out of consciousness but the nurse said he had been asking for me. Wires were replaced with tubes, oxygen was being given to help him wake up and to breath better and what will become the ever present neck brace was on. But he was ok. I kept chanting that to myself as I stroked his hair.

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He kept waking up. Kept telling me that he loved me. Kept asking how his surgery went. And then kept falling back to sleep only to repeat it all over again in another 10 minutes. Slowly he really woke up and we got moved to a room. The doctor had decided that even though the surgery went perfectly he would still like Mr. Rogue to stay overnight. On one hand it would have been nice to go home but if there is a chance at a complication it would be much better to stay an extra day. Just to be sure.

Hours later after not having breakfast, after sticking to clear liquids all day Mr. Rogue finally was able to get a solid meal. I don’t think I have ever seen him happier to be eating crappy hospital food. I was smiling from ear to ear just watching his joy. Of course I wasn’t so happy about trying to spend the night at the hospital eight months pregnant but at least the staff got me a not so comfy looking but comfier looking than the tiny couch cot. Ah well it is only for one night and I just couldn’t leave him all alone.

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1 comment:

paul peggy zeus said...

I found it amazing at the food they expected you to eat after major surgery on your neck. Come on, where's the chicken broth soup, jello and sherbet ??

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