Friday, October 19, 2012

Depression: Take a Hike

I have been struggling with depression for years, sometimes I am doing so terribly I can barely function and other times I am so filled with joy that the darkness cannot take over. After I got engaged, when I got super sad, I would look down at that ring and imagine a full life of living with the man that I love. That simple process made me much happier overall, it was my medication against the sadness and it worked!

Much of my depression centers on my inability to control certain situations. I couldn’t help my brother when he passed away, I couldn’t stop losing my two pregnancies, and I couldn’t stop my eating disorder… in essence I lost control of my world and my body. For me, a person who centers their life on planning, organizing, and executing those plans control is a center part of who I am.

Depression, I am happy to say, isn’t anywhere on my radar. Sure I am filled with anxiety that something will happen to this pregnancy but anxiety is a whole other can of fun emotions. The depression is happily a non-entity. Although I am nauseous and not feeling 100% physically my emotional climate is sunny and bright. Every time I feel an inkling of sadness I simply close my eyes, put my hands on my belly and imagine a life of living with the man I love and my growing child.

Pure Bliss!

1 comment:

paul peggy zeus said...

I'm so glad you are keeping the monsters at bay. You have everything to be happy about, or you will soon! I think the baby will be exactly what you need to keep those bad demons away forever. :) I'm so happy for you, darling.

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