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Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Baby Brain: Third Times a Charm

I am over the MOON with joy. I found out that I am again pregnant. Gloriously Fabulously Magnificently pregnant and I just cannot contain my smile.

As most of you know I have had two miscarriages and I have been trying to conceive a third time for the past year. This month I the first step in helping us get pregnant, a drug called Clomoid, and my doctor was very sure about it working. I however was terrified it wouldn’t work and that I would again be hoping for a miracle month after month after month. I was so terrified in fact that I almost talked myself out of taking the pill during this cycle. My fears however were groundless because it seems like that little magic pill did the trick.

I had some sneaking suspicions yesterday because for some reason I was a sobbing crying mess. First at therapy and then again while on a walk with Mrs. Dancer. I am not normally a crier so I figured it was that part of my cycle where I get a little weepy. But then something in the back of my brain was hoping that I just might be pregnant. In any case my hormones were out of control. When I got home I took a pregnancy test but I didn’t have much hope. In fact the times I have taken a test before I would stand over it watching those little line or lines turn their lovely pink hue. This time I placed the test on the counter and started cleaning the bathroom. A few minutes later I remembered about the test and looked over at the results I was completely shocked to have gotten a positive result.

You see I used ovulation strips on the dates that my OBGYN predicted at my last appointment I would ovulate. According to the strips I never ovulated. Frustrated I still kept my appointment last Tuesday for a pregnancy blood test but I wasn’t surprised the result was negative. I talked to the doctor with tears in my eyes and she assured me that next month we would try a higher dosage for a longer period of time. Disheartened I went home.

Since I was so shocked at my positive result I took another at home pregnancy test this morning. Three minutes of nail biting later where I refused once again to watch the little lines appear on the test I finally looked. Who knew that two pink lines could bring so much joy. With two positive tests behind me I was left with no doubt in my mind that I was indeed pregnant. I then jumped into bed, the nugget of happiness and hope suffusing me with light, to await when my husband woke up. I just basically laid there and stared at him while I planned and day dreamed. When his eyelids finally fluttered open I told him the news. In hindsight I probably should have waited until after his coffee, or at least given him a few minutes to reach full consciousness. It took him a minute to comprehend what I was saying and then another minute to give the correct response. After not too long we were both sharing our excitement over finally being pregnant again.

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I called my OBGYN office as soon as it opened and then headed into the office for some tests. First they needed to confirm that I was indeed pregnant and then they wanted to test my hormone levels. I came up positive on the pregnancy test at the office, somehow it just seemed more official with their test. For the next few weeks they will be monitoring me very closely and I am just praying that all goes well with this pregnancy.

Emotionally I am ALL OVER THE PLACE. I vacillate between extreme joy, to trying not to get too excited because this too could end in a miscarriage, to trying not to be negative, scolding myself to be positive, and then getting excited all over again. For now I am mostly choosing to stay positive and am now again dreaming of holding my own little one in May. The happiness cannot be contained.

4 comments:

paul peggy zeus said...

Congratulations my darling. I am on the moon with you!

Sonja said...

Mega, mega congrats and many wishes for a smooth pregnancy!!!!!!!!

Nat said...

We do not know each other, I found your blog thru a witty comment you left on the blog of a Junior High friend of mine a year or so ago (who has the bulldogs and cute little guy). I've been following your blog every since and love it! I obviously never comment, but could not help it on this one. CONGRATULATIONS!! Sending you many many good wishes and thoughts!

Jennifer Arens said...

:) That's wonderful news and best of luck BABY!

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