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Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Gulp

Mr. Rogue and I have been trying to become parents since February 2011. Two and a half years later, and two miscarriages later, we are still childless. This has been the most frustrating process of my life. I am one of those women who has always wanted to be a mother. It was never a question with me if I wanted kids it was only when I would have them that was up in the air. I knew when I finally found the perfect man to marry at 29 that I would be a little bit older mom. But I was totally fine with that. I got my time alone and now I would have my family. I had no idea that this road would be so difficult. For too long I have been in a state of limbo and it isn't as fun as the bending over backwards game beneath a pole game suggests.

I am thankful that there seems to be nothing reproductively wrong with either of us however enough is enough. I made an appointment with my OBGYN to discuss next steps. Clomid is the first step in a long long process of drugs and process to help us to conceive. At least now we have a plan, first Clomid, which we are praying will work. If we are still not pregnant in four months then we will move onto the next step. No more sitting around, no more waiting. I am almost 34 and I at least want at the bare minimum two kids, although I would love love love four or five. Hell right now I would settle with one though.

My doctor whipped out her little pad of paper and drew a diagram. Clomid is a drug that helps induce ovulation in women. Although I am producing my own eggs just fine (if not slowly) this drug will help speed along the process and also take the guess work out of the days that I am fertile. In essence 50% of women with problems who go on this drug get pregnant within 3 months, my doctor is telling me that she is confident I will be pregnant soon.

080712_clomoid

So I was sent home a few weeks ago with a prescription for Clomid in my purse. This medication has to be taken at a specific time in your cycle and today was the day. You would think that I would be excited but the days leading up to taking the pill I was filled with apprehension. I kept making up excuses of why this month wasn't going to work, why I should wait for next month. It was maddening. In the end I realized after much digging that I am scared that this miracle pill wont work either. That I am banking my hopes and those hopes will come crashing down. Never has 'the glass half full' and 'the glass half empty' warred so strongly.

But I made the jump, I put on my big girl panties and I took the pill and we will see what happens.

2 comments:

paul peggy zeus said...

I'm so happy with her statistics. The has just GOT to work for you. . .

Jennifer Arens said...

Wonderful! I've heard so many success rate stories of that drug! Multiples~!

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