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Wednesday, January 18, 2012

The Music Box

I love my niece, I adore having her around; she manages to fill dark little places in my heart that no one else can seem to touch. For a three year old I find her viewpoint of the world so uplifting. Everything to her is beautiful, everything is fun and just being around that innocence is like sinking into a rainbow.

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However with all good Yins must come Yangs. And oh has my Yang runnith over!

It has been 4 days now and there is so much noise. Too much noise. Noise blocking noise. The singing, the singing, the constant singing, and the talking and the chatting and the questions and the make believe words in between; a nonstop deluge of noise. Quiet is something that I cherish, in the quiet I have lived for years, quiet is comfortable, quiet is safe. Unless there is so much quiet. Too much quiet. Quiet blocking quiet until it also becomes too loud.

That is what I have in my life right now. Black and white. No child, no noises, just the deafening quiet until the quiet takes over my soul and becomes too heavy to bear. Silence living in my soul, silence filling up the walls until I am drowning in a sea of quiet. A silent world where I find myself begging for noise. Then I pick up Ms. Bambi and my order is blown to bits. I have three year old who brings her brightness and noise into my life. Brightness that I am not used too, like a cannon ball into a cold pool, I become her temporary everything and I find myself yearning desperately for the quiet.

It is hard being dropped out of my comfort zone, hard to face challenges that I am not used to, at times it becomes overwhelming, and my soul is a delicate flower.

As the hour draws near where I have to drop off Ms. Bambi with her parents I find myself counting down the hours, counting down the minutes until I get my quiet back. Then dropping her off, walking out of the house sans child, the instantaneous release. What I didn’t anticipate was the hole I felt driving away from her house.

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.

1 comment:

lilmansworld said...

I always seem to have my good cries when its silent for too long. I apparently need them :)

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