Friday, December 9, 2011

The Un-Wing Woman

Oh the things we regret, the hurtful words that come out of our mouth, the actions that bring tears to eyes of those we love, but worse of all the pain our actions bring to ourselves. OH WHY OH WHY did I have to have the absolute worse hangover ever in the history of hangovers today, on vacation of all days?

Ok I know WHY but that isn’t the point... the point is that I felt awful. However take my awful and triple it and that is what poor Ms. Pool Shark felt. Seems that she does not have something as simple as a hangover, no she has the bubonic plague shared by her loving boyfriend who was sick with the exact same 24 hour bug a few days ago.

So as I am sitting there trying not to let the sunlight touch my eyes and attempting not to move even to breathe, because movement = excruciating pain in my head, Ms. Pool Shark is in the restroom sicker than sicky sick sick! I wont go into details, the sounds coming out of that bathroom alone scared me forever... I will just let you use your imagination.

So here we are, both sick, both not moving, and Baby Pool Sharks one year old bash is tomorrow. A party where there were still things to get accomplished. Things that Ms. Pool Shark and I were going to do today, things that we cannot even think about because that next breath... it is taking up all of my brain cells energy.

In the midst of this drama I find out that I lost my right arm.... or it may as well be my right arm... I couldn’t find my phone. After looking in my purse and scouring the car I conclude it is missing. I call the restaurant, I call the bar but all to no avail. Giving in I call ATT to get the phone blocked and on that call is when I find out that some random loser was texting up a storm after I last remember seeing it. AWESOME jerk!

After bemoaning the lack of ethics in our youth, after cursing the punk kid I was convinced stole my phone instead of turning it in like a good Samaritan... I find my phone. Seems like you do crazy things when you are drinking, like drunk text your husband that you love him and that he completes you... over and over and over again. My poor husband! At least he knows that when the inhibitions fall I am thinking about him... yea that is the moral of this story. I now have proof that I adore my husband.

My plan of staying on the couch all day long got thwarted when granny called. Seems like Ms. Pool Sharks mother in law and great mother in law were swinging by for a visit. I know I should have stayed, I should have been a good wing woman and maned up with my girl to face the relatives coming for a visit, but instead I abandoned her for my nice dark cave upstairs where I proceeded to take the best four hour nap of my life. I seriously woke up a WHOLE NEW PERSON, felling a million times better and happy to have my arm... I mean phone.

Since I am feeling so much better, since Ms. Pool Shark is still feeling like crap, and since I feel guilty for abandoning her in her relative time of need I offered to go to run some errands. Yeah it is 9:00pm at night but Walmart is so still open! Oh if only I had known that the two simple errands, pick up photos and buy a few groceries, would be riddled with booby traps I may have begged to have my wing woman go with me. Hindsight is a bitch!

Seems like the Walmart photo lady had a vendetta against me. Not only does she give me only one packet of photos... ummm I state aren’t there more than this, oh wait look at that yes there is... she also forgot to give me the larger 8x10’s which I noticed the small little scratched not obscurely written across the package while grocery shopping. Lady it isn’t hard, you gotta get a better system, may I suggest a simple line at the top; 1 of 3... then I won’t have to ask you three times for the friggin photos. I swear customer ‘service’ is going to eventually ruin my life.

But Walmart wasn’t done screwing with me. Seems like frazzled photo lady was just the appetizer. Did you know that Walmart does not believe in organic baby cake making. Because if it isnt covered in lard or filled with sugar, then well it just isnt Walmart. Seems like I have to go to grocery store number two to get the wheat germ and the heavy cream. I knew there was a reason I never shop at Walmart.

By the time I drove, dealt with the drama of Walmart, went to another grocery store and got back home two hours had passed. So at 11:02pm we started the long list of things that we needed to get done with the party.

Since Ms. Pool Shark was operating at a quarter mass and since I was operating on three quarter mass, together we managed to equal one whole person. It would have gone so much smoother if we were both working to our full potential. After we brainstormed and came up with the favor template I was in charge of getting the other 30 finished. Billions of little tiny bows with adorable little curly cues and evil glue gun aside the favors came out absolutely adorable!


While I worked on favors Ms. Pool Shark managed to slowly make the birthday girls organic smash cake. Then it was on to the photo album. Ms. Pool Shark attempted to be super nice and send me off to bed early... HA early, it was friggin 4:00 am. But since I dropped the ball on wing woman earlier, and since I SOOOOO could have used my wing woman during the whole Walmart debacle, I decided that we are just better in life together... this wing woman was staying put until the very end. Plus those adorable little baby pictures were just so darn cute!



We finished at 4:45am, time to get a couple hours of sleep before the alarm clock smashing at 8:00am begins.


paul peggy zeus said...

Life is full of Drama multiplied by 1,000 when you've had too much alcohol. SWEET Favors, and yes, Ms. Pool Shark looks beautiful no matter what time of the day or night. :)

lilmansworld said...

What a good friend :) I think I need to go all out this year for lilman, You two are inspiring!

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