01home02babybrain05lifelist04tastebuds08bbbs10roguewedding11nerdybirdy12travels

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Sunday Skinny: Week 29

Well this week I finally found the scale and I am not too happy about it. At first I tried to do what others suggested, I tried to simply put it in one of the spare bathroom’s cabniet. When the scale was missing for three weeks if I had a compulsion to know what my weight was I couldn’t do anything about it however once I knew that scale was sitting only rooms away the need to see ‘how I was doing’ became too great to withstand.

After arguing with myself back and forth I finally got on the scale and was sad to see that I gained 3 pounds in the past three weeks. I can’t lie I was annoyed, I felt defeated, and I was angry. The past few weeks have been accompanied by an unhealthy amount of stress.

Top 6 life stressors are major changes with one of these items:

Money
Relationship
Death
Job
Moving
Health

And my mouth fell open because I have had a large change in the past four years with each and every thing on this list. EVERY SINGLE ONE. No wonder I am a complete mess, it is a wonder I am still a functioning human being. When I feel like life is just taking too big a bite out of me I try and regigger my perspective, see where I came from, how far I have come and where I am going. No matter how hard I try I will never be perfect, I just need to accept it but it is hard.

Getting on that scale today, despite my best intentions, I mentally beat myself up. What I want to think and feel and what I do think and feel never seem to match up perfectly. So I had a mini pity party and then I gave myself a pep talk. Because no matter how many times I get kicked off I got right back on that bucking bronco.

Sadly I am back to weighing myself every morning, depressing as it is I just cannot seem to stop. I may tell my husband to accidentally make something happen to the scale so it no longer works, that of course isn’t going to solve the big problem of losing the weight. I just keep telling myself to keep trying, keep working, keep fighting because one day something has to work, something has to click and I wont have to try so hard to do what should be second nature.

I am going to be kind to myself and just keep chanting ‘I know I can, I know I can’.

    WEIGHT GAIN CHART
Weight Gain Round 5: 210 pounds. 20 pounds gained when I lost the baby.

Weight Gain Round 4: 190 pounds. I lost weight for the wedding and then I gained it all back plus an additional 10 pounds. The wedding gave me a date to reach for but once that day passed all my plans fell apart and the bingeing started again. BLAST IT!!!

Weight Gain Round 3: 180 pounds. When my brother passed away I started bingeing regularly to cover my emotions and gained another 30 pounds.

Weight Gain Round 2: 150 pounds. I gained 15 pounds when I tackled that large project at work and worked all those long hours for a year.

Weight Gain Round 1: 135 pounds. I gained the inevitable ‘I’m in a comfy relationship’ 10 pounds after I started dating my husband.

Start weight when I moved to California 125.

GOAL WEIGHT = 135-150 pounds

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I KNOW you can too :) ANYTHING is possible, all we have to do is believe in it, ourselves and work really hard! ;-)

Jess said...

I think you should just leave the scale at my house. :)

lilmansworld said...

Jess has the right idea!

Post a Comment