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Thursday, November 3, 2011

It’s Just Not Seasoned

It is the second day in the new house and all I can say is that I am past surreal and into some weird parallel reality. I don’t feel like this is my home, I keep feeling like I am in a resort, or at a hotel and then my neighbour hit it right on the head “This house isn’t seasoned”. I don’t believe in ghosts, but I do believe that there are a ton of things that we as humans don’t necessarily ‘know’ but that we can ‘feel’. And this house just doesn’t feel right. It is because this house is new construction. No one has lived here. And aside from my paralyzing emotional revelation yesterday that we were actually moving into a new home... yea duh, I was a little slow on the uptake with that one... this house it just feels cold.

Granted it is mostly empty. The things that filled our old home don’t even dent this space. And it is too clean. Don’t get me wrong I love a clean home but it is toooooo clean if that makes any sense. Too clean, too empty, too big and it echo’s too much. Now I know intellectually that this house will eventually get dirtied up, it will eventually fill up with new furniture and artwork, it will lose its echo and it will start gradually feeling like home however all that rational though does nothing to settle the edgy feeling my nerves have.

Seurat, my aging cat, agrees. He is freaked out by all things new and I have been oh so slowly, oh so carefully introducing him as he is ready a new room at a time. He started in the bathroom and now he has the bathroom AND the laundry room; two little rooms that he is slowly adjusting too with agonizing slowness. The cat hasn’t left the bathroom cupboard in a day and I totally get it. I don’t know why I can’t allow myself some space to get used to the new house that I am so lovingly giving my cat.

Aside from being uncomfortable during the day I have the added bonus of not being able to sleep. I keep bolting up in bed from a sound sleep trying to remember what box the measuring cups are in... as if that matters in the wee hours of the night. And then the worst part of this whole mess is the new internal time clock that woke me up at 5:10am. On a day that I could sleep in, on the day after a very stressful move when I really need to sleep in I am instead up, wiping down cabinets, cutting the cabinet liners and unpacking boxes. FIVE AM PEOPLE... something is so very wrong.

So I am mentally tweaked out, I am physically exhausted and I have some evil spirit prodding me to keep unpacking; my therapist is gonna have a field day this week.

3 comments:

paul peggy zeus said...

You'll have to let us know when you first feel that this is home. I get it, I remember feeling that way myself a few times after having moved into a new space. It takes time, but it will happen, it Will be YOUR home, soon.

lilmansworld said...

I completely know what you're talking about! I'm still hearing new noises! But at the same time, savor the newness! Maybe the early bird awake time is an enigmatic thing! One day, 5 am will be normal with the pitter patter of little toes :)

lilmansworld said...

also, if its not seasoned, throw some salt and pepper over your shoulder :)

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