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Tuesday, October 4, 2011

I Blinked and then I was 33

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WHOLLY CRUMBOWHLLY… time seems to now be on fast forward and I can’t say that I am too happy about it. This birthday was hard for me because time is starting to fight against me, I mean my eggs are dying by the thousands every second it feels and as months go by and still nothing I am getting more and more frustrated. I know today was just another day older, but somehow getting to that number 33 and still not having a successful pregnancy is eating me alive. I starting to wonder if it will ever happen, or will I be destined to be childless.

I would like to kick my whiny, sad, empty armed self in the head now. I vacillate between misery at not having a child, to sheer joy at my life and how lucky and happy I am. This moment in my life is probably as close as I will ever come to feeling bipolar, because that is exactly what today felt like. Two giant magnets refusing to be pushed together, two parts of me fighting against living in the same space.

As a birthday went I had a pretty good day. I slept in late, with the beautiful smell of flowers everywhere. Ahhhhhh sleep, ahhhh delicious yummy pink roses (thanks Mrs. Rambo!).

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I got the stuff I needed to get done out of the way (just because it is my birthday didn’t mean I could skip my studying) and then I raced out of the house to meet Mrs. Dancer at our spa. We spent quite a bit of time chatting at catching up in the hot tub and then we went our separate ways, to do our own thing, and just relax.

OH DID I RELAX. Actually my masseuse KICKED MY BUTT, yea literally. Seems like not only did I have four knots in my back I also had a gigantic one in my left buttock… the knots took so long to work out that the rest of the massage was a bit rushed however I at least walked out of there knot free. I was told to spend some time in the sauna and then to relax for a bit. RELAX, oh I can totally do that.

I decided to just take a little time in the quiet room which is full of lazy boy chairs and big comfy lap blankets. YOU GUYS, that lazy boy and I, we had a connection! Not only did I relax, I was the relaxing champion. I should win an award because I managed to fell asleep after sleeping in. I woke up a bit groggy and it took me a minute to place where I was. I figured I had relaxed enough but since there are not alarms or clocks in the quiet room I wasn’t sure.

So imagine my shock when I lazily walked into the locker room and glanced at the clock; I had to do a double take because I had slept for three hours! OH GOODNESS I’m a gonna be late for my birthday dinner with my husband!

I threw on my clothes and dashed to the front counter to check out when they handed me the most delicious bag, the bag I had noticed in the wait room that I liked when Ms. Dancer and I walked in. She had gotten it for me. She is so sweet, she knows me so well, I LOVE IT!

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Not only do I love the bag but I love what the company is trying to do. Made with natural fabrics, designed well to last and working with the companies to be carbon neutral AND with gorgeous birdies!!! YES PLEASE!!!

I managed to get home, grab a shower and meet my husband out to dinner at my favorite new steak place, RUTH CHRIS (thanks mom and dad). Mr. Rogue and I got to slow down, relax and just be together. A great two hour dinner, filled with laughter and love.

P.S. please excuse my expression I just could not stop laughing. I blame the wine!

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Great birthday and this year has to be the year I have a baby!

2 comments:

paul peggy zeus said...

Happy Birthday little one. Yep you will be my little girl for the rest of my life. I love you so much. Figures only you could fall asleep at the spa. Maybe you could come back as a lion in your next life, they sleep even more than you! lol

lilmansworld said...

hubs is working too hard, you can see it in his face.....He is the best thing that has ever happened to you and I'm so happy you were able to celebrate you 33 years together :)

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