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Thursday, June 23, 2011

Baby Brain: Bittersweet

When I got back from my Yellowstone trip it was back to reality. One of the first things I did the next morning was call for a follow-up appointment with my OBGYN, my blood test results had come back in while I was away. She had an opening and I went in. I walked in prepared to have PCOS and a progesterone problem diagnosed instead I found out I was perfectly healthy. As in nothing is wrong with me.

LONG SIGH.

On one hand I am happy that I don’t have PCOS, my hormones are normal, my thyroid is functioning, that I have good cholesterol and that my progesterone is completely normal. It gives me peace that I didn’t do anything wrong to lose those two pregnancies. But what I was hoping for is a syndrome, a pill and a pretty good chance of me carrying the NEXT pregnancy to term. I just want a healthy baby.

Instead I find myself swallowed in a sea of grey. The doctor had to call my name a few times... I was in a haze. So I have nothing that is treatable. My doctor was kind, she said that if I had a healthy delivery before these two miscarriages then she would just tell me I have terrible luck. She is maintaining the thought that both my miscarriages were unrelated but the truth is that no one knows. In my chart I am instead called ‘obstetricianly challenged’ which is basically a broad term for ‘we don’t know what’s wrong with you’. Anyone with two consecutive miscarriages and an undiagnosed problem is labelled this way.

Our next steps is that she wants to check my hormone levels on the 21st day of my cycle, the day that if I was pregnant the baby would start relying on my bodies hormones. She isn’t expecting to find anything but she just wants to double-check to be 100% sure. After the results from that test we can start trying again to get pregnant. Once we do conceive she wants me in the office the day I find out to check my hormones again. Her exact words were ‘We are going to stay on top of this and do everything medically possible to help you have a healthy baby.’

They were the words I want to hear but I am still left with a ton of fears.

I decided to have the front desk copy my chart and when I got home my sister-in-law, Mrs. Fruit, who is a registered nurse agreed with me that I should seek a second opinion. Her OBGYN is a high risk doctor and I have an appointment to go over my charts with her on July 11. I do love my doctor but I just want to be sure that nothing was missed and another opinion could potentially give me some answers.

Until then I ask for your prayers.

3 comments:

paul peggy zeus said...

I agree it's time to call in the calvary and get an expert opinion who is used to dealing with the tougher issues of pregnancy. You will prevail, and although I know you wanted to find an answer, I'm really happy nothing is off balance and you are a beautifully, healthy woman. That makes me smile.

Nicole said...

Prayers coming you way from SF love. Thinking of you and hoping that you know it will all work out as strongly as I do!

lilmansworld said...

such a sensible decision :)

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