Sunday, May 8, 2011

The Sunday Skinny: Week 1

I wanted to start a series, be more honest about my weight loss struggles with my depression, hopefully encourage myself, maybe show others that this journey is a lifelong struggle but that we CAN PERSEVERE and to create a support network to help me on my weight loss journey. So I am starting ‘The Sunday Skinny’ where every Sunday I will post about the weeks successes or failures, include some pictures and hopefully continue to lose weight in this journey

So, since April 13th (once I got back from my best friend’s wedding) I have been on a super strict eating and exercise regimen. I have been taking control of my weight yet AGAIN... but I haven’t been totally honest about WHY.

It’s because I drank bottles of wine and ate tons of terrible food so that I wouldn’t feel my feelings for two months after I lost the baby. Yet another depressive episode that made me gain way too much weight way too quickly.

From that awful day on November 23rd 2010 until the end of February 2011 I sank into another pit of depression. I actually took my bathroom scale during this time and stuffed it into the cupboard just so I wouldn’t have to look at it every day. I was sick of hanging my head in shame. There it sat for months until I finally got the courage to take it out again. So I dug the scale out of the cupboard, dusted it off and placed it on the ground. I stepped onto the evil thing and gasped...

TWENTY FRIGGIN POUNDS. I didn’t gain a single ounce in the four months I was pregnant but I gain 20 pounds in the three months after I lost that baby. That is the weight I should have gained CARRYING AND HAVING A BABY FULL TERM not losing it in the fourth month.

I felt out of control again with my eating, that the bingeing was just taking over my everyday life so I started a diet, intending to change the way I look at food and attempt, YET AGAIN, to reshape how I live my life with food and exercise. Its hard!

So I have my new no sugar no starch diet, goodbye diet coke - goodbye chocolate - goodbye donuts - goodbye potatoes and pasta (my heart breaks) I miss you, and forcing myself into my elliptical/walking regime. This is my desperate attempt to at least get my body back to where it was before I got pregnant and hopefully even further.

I have to lose this weight. First because it isn’t good for me, I hate being fat, hate looking in the mirror, hate my pictures, I just want my body back so I can feel like me again. It is also a ton harder on a woman’s body when they are overweight and pregnant and I also am so sick of feeling out of control. As a side note I also couldn't imagine my OBGYN’s face when I finally do get pregnant again, if I showed up at her office 20 pounds heavier she may strangle me. HOPE TO GOD I GET PREGNANT THIS MONTH... PLEASE!!!

I just don’t want to have the talk with my doctor - you know the YOU ARE TOO FAT to have a baby and not have a ton of risks talk.

So I lost 18 pounds in 3.5 weeks (holey crap batman) and the PURE JOY I felt at kissing those pounds away so quickly made me so incredibly happy. For the first time since that horrible day in November I feel in control, I feel happier and I feel like I CAN DO THIS!!!!

I only have another 2 pounds to go to get back where I was in November and that is FANTASTICALLY LIBERATING! For the brutal honesty part I plan on doing something I noticed on another site, something that I am sure helps her in her weight loss. Blair from theheirtoblair.com, see her site here, is fantastically funny and also hard core. As a working mom, recovering from Post Partum Depression AND raising a baby she is also working on her own personal weight loss journey (McFatty Monday, see here)... you should totally check her out. I love her! P.S. thank you Mrs. Bulldog for sending over her link, I super appreciate it!

So I am following suit and posting my weight every week and a photo of me in my gym clothes (GASP) Mrs. Fancypants in gym clothes... the world will not end I am sure. I will do this hopefully every week until I either get pregnant OR I get back to my goal weight. This is both scary and liberating, scary because my weight on the INTERNET!!! In front of all my friends and fans reading this!!!! but liberating also because I am hoping for some accountability and maybe even a little help, some suggestions perhaps and some encouragement maybe. So here it goes my weight gain journey plotted out for all to see for the past 6 years.

Weight Gain Round 5: 210 pounds. 20 pounds gained when I lost the baby.

Weight Gain Round 4: 190 pounds. I lost weight for the wedding and then I gained it all back plus an additional 10 pounds. The wedding gave me a date to reach for but once that day passed all my plans fell apart and the bingeing started again. BLAST IT!!!

Weight Gain Round 3: 180 pounds. When my brother passed away I started bingeing regularly to cover my emotions and gained another 30 pounds.

Weight Gain Round 2: 150 pounds. I gained 15 pounds when I tackled that large project at work and worked all those long hours for a year.

Weight Gain Round 1: 135 pounds. I gained the inevitable ‘I’m in a comfy relationship’ 10 pounds after I started dating my husband.

Start weight when I moved to California 125.

GOAL WEIGHT = 135-150 pounds

So I am happy to say that I am almost to the point where I can cross out ‘Weight Gain Round 5’. Each week I hope to get closer and closer to my goal weight range which is somewhere between 135 pounds and 150 pounds, I am totally not going to get specific, the more the merrier in my book. Of course if I get pregnant the weight loss will have to stop but I will continue with ‘The Sunday Skinny’ because I hope to gain only a little weight while pregnant per my OBGYN’s instructions, but that is for another post.


Whew... see you next Sunday and hopefully a few pounds lighter.

What do you do to lose weight?


HeirtoBlair said...

You are very lovely & beautiful & I cannot WAIT to start following you on your journey! You can do this!

(& boy, do I know about the weight gain after losing a baby. I think we all do it. I was 10 lbs up when I got pregnant with Harrison & it was miserable. I'm DETERMINED to be much thinner for the next time I try & get knocked up.)

p.s. thank you for the sweet compliments :) you make me blush!

Cortney said...

Yay! I'm so proud of you! We can be in this together, although we may have to find somewhere else to have lunch. Cheesecake Factory is a calorie disaster.

paul peggy zeus said...

I'm very proud of your determination. I know for a fact that you can do ANYTHING you set your mind to - all you have to do is make a decision and consider it done. 18 pounds is amazing in less than four weeks. :) Looking forward to seeing less of you (get it?)

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