Saturday, May 21, 2011

Beam me Up Scotty (Part 2)

See part one of the story here.

I had my sister in law drop me off at the front door to my podiatrist’s office. Today was the day I was going to embrace the laser. It was my first minor surgery and my first time with the laser. I was nervous.

I was immediately brought to the back, to a different larger room with an operating table and tons of large looking fancy machines. Nerves jump another ten degrees higher. My doctor came in and examined my foot again. He said to say goodbye because in less than an hour my wart would be gone.


I was given a few shots, local treatments to make the area numb which made me cry. I hate shots but I also hate to cry. The doctor looked up to see me sobbing and asked if I wanted him to stop. My inside voice screamed yes but I just shook my head no. After the initial shots I was left for a little bit to let the drugs work. I forced myself to get my s*#t together and was composed when he came back.

I was given a rockin pair of glasses to protect my eyes from the laser... OH YEA BABY, these things were gorgeous!


He started lasering behind a screen of paper. I was ecstatic for that screen. I didn’t need to see what was happening but if that paper hadn’t been there I am not sure if I could have looked away. He stopped with a long Hummmmm. He likes to say that, I am sure to drive us little people mad. He looked up at me, smiled and says “Well it’s definitely not a wart”. Again I felt the sweeping joy that it isn’t a wart but a little less elated, it’s like we have been here before. Except this time we are mid laser surgery and my doctor is second guessing his diagnosis again.


He wasn’t kidding this time though. He was sure it wasn’t a wart, it didn’t have any characteristics of a wart. However since it isn’t a wart it has to be something else, something else that has my doctor confused, and well a confused doctor is almost as bad as a confused air pilot... no one wants one of those.

So my little bit of non-wart that he cut out today is now calling a small jar of preservation liquid its new home and is being shipped to be examined, picked apart, and dissected until the nice people in lab coats either figure out what it is or shrug their shoulders just like my doctor.

My foot got wrapped up tight and I was escorted out to the receptionist. Problem is that I felt really wobbly... and then all of a sudden really really ill. I hurriedly asked for the ladies room and then hobbled oh so ungraciously as quickly as I could toward the door. I made it to the restroom and hovered over the toilet. After a few minutes I felt faint and actually LAID DOWN ON THE COLD TILE FLOOR. I kept telling myself over and over again to get up, that the floor was nasty and diseased but there was no way I could stand.

I laid there for a good 10 minutes repeating in my head that at least it was a doctor’s office bathroom, that it was cleaner than let’s say a gas station bathroom. Plus I did think to tear some paper towel off to put under my face because despite the fact that I was laying flat on the bathroom floor MY FACE wasn’t going to touch that floor.

I could be pregnant, that would explain the nausea and the near fainting, or I could just be a weak ninny that has a super low pain tolerance. Either way I walked out of that office without scheduling my follow-up appointment or paying my co-pay. I just wanted to get to the car and be taken home. The receptionist can wait till Monday.

I crawled into my house sick and broken. I slept for a good four hours, woke up and downed some Tylenol and then spent the remainder of the day ignoring all the chores and to-do lists. Instead I sat propped up on the couch, my foot elevated watching reruns of the Biggest Loser. If I couldn’t work out at least I can watch other people work out and maybe get inspired to keep going.


For the next week I am on foot rest with little walking, elevating it as much as possible and keeping it wrapped. I still haven’t looked at the scar; I will wait until Mr. Rogue comes home. I need my rock and a glass of wine before I tackle that one.


lilmansworld said...

hmm this may make your skinny sunday post a bit challenging......you could get one of those ab zappers! haha

lilmansworld said...

but at least your toes are pretty to stare at :)

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