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Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Baby Brain: I Lost my Decoder Ring

The past few days I have felt horribly, sick, crampy and just plain yuck has ruled my world. So when I woke up Sunday morning, one day late from what I thought was my period (the periods have been all over the place since I lost the baby) I decided to take a pregnancy test. It was the two line kind; two lines you are pregnant and one line you are not. I peed, I waited and a “barley there” really faint double line came up. I re-read the directions, it said one line could be fainter than the other but this line was FAINT. The smart thing, and what I read online, was to wait 3-4 days, give a chance for your HCG levels to get higher and retake the test.

Of course Monday morning, the very next day, I retook the test. Again I got a very faint second line. I compared the faintness of the lines to each other. Mr. Rogue eagerly waiting outside the bathroom door was called in to try and help with the analysis. In essence we were missing our faint line decoder ring and were sick of trying to decide if it was too faint.

I went out later Monday and bought one of the Clear Blue digital pregnant or not pregnant tests. This had no faint lines to try and decipher. So Tuesday morning I woke up at 5:30am with my husband. Blurry eyed I took the test and I walked out of the bathroom beaming. Mr. Rogue took one look at my face and wrapped me in his arms... YES WE ARE PREGNANT!

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We stayed snuggled in bed whispering of dreams and hopes both frantically wishing that this time our dreams will come true.

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All day I was on a wonderful cloud of happiness. I went and dusted off my “What to Expect When You’re Expecting”, it’s time to re-read all those helpful first chapters and start praying again for a healthy baby. I called and made an appointment with my OBGYN. I called my mother and father, I called a few girlfriends and I visited my sister-in-law.

When I told Mrs. Fruit my news, she excitedly told me hers. SHE IS PREGNANT TOO. She just found out yesterday, our cycles started on the same exact day which means that our children, who will be cousins, will be born within days of each other if not on the exact same day. HOW EXCITING IS THAT!

As you can see I am not waiting the traditional three months to shout my news. I am doing it for a few reasons. One I did everything right the first time, I waited until three months to tell everyone and then I still lost the baby at four months.

The second reason is that heaven forbid something happens to this baby too, either in a miscarriage or the other million things that can go wrong I want to write about it. This blog and my writing I have found has allowed me to stop shutting up and caging feelings that eat me alive. And really what do I have to be silent about. I lost my first pregnancy and everyone knows and I lived through it. I can even say that because everyone knew I healed more deeply because I could talk about it. All this secrecy and not telling until you are three months, I respect it, I did it the first time, and now I am throwing all the rules out the window.

I am happy, I am hopeful for the future, I am a little worried because I know that even if I do everything right I may still lose this baby too. But I want to stay positive. I want to recognize the fear but keep my glass half full attitude.

Our first OBGYN appointment will be this Tuesday where she will perform an ultrasound to make sure everything is ok. Wish us luck and please keep us in your prayers.

Here we go again folks!

9 comments:

Inzodda said...

YYYYYYAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!! Im so happy for you and Colin!!!!xoxo

HeirtoBlair said...

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!! A line is a line is a line & there's a baby in there! :)

Ivy said...

Mr. Rogue looks so happy. Picture me with a smile like that. I'm also really happy you've decided to blog about this one and disclose it - not because you need to, but because you've gained some self-knowledge about what your emotional needs are and which strategies help you be the best YOU. Love you.

Kim & Chris said...

Whoo-hooo! Congrats! I am thrilled for you guys.

paul peggy zeus said...

I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU, AND BURSTING WITH PRIDE! You are such a brave young lady and I'm so thankful that you decided to share the news. It was really hard to keep this kind of a secret for me, so now I too can blast the news across the country. Congrats are in order for the new mom and dad to be!! WWWHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Jess said...

So happy for you! Ivy pretty much said it all :) Stewart and I are both ecstatic :) That's hilarious and wonderful that you both found out you were pregnant at the same time.

Nicole said...

IM SO ELATED FOR YOU!!! I had a funny feeling the other day when you said your tummy had been bothering you a bit! YAYAYAY~!!!!! Tears of JOY are a wonderful thing. I'm so happy for you! Have the best day ever today, soak up all the happiness!!

Ashley said...

OMG YAY! I am so excited for y'all! Congrats and good luck at your appointment.

lilmansworld said...

Its your turn!!!!

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