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Thursday, May 26, 2011

Baby Brain: Baby Love

Later on in the day Tuesday, the day I found out I was pregnant, I headed off to Babies R Us. During our last pregnancy I hung a bib I had purchased and given to Mr. Rogue the day we found out about our first pregnancy. We ended up hanging it in our master bathroom. It was a fantastic every day reminder of the gift we had growing in my body and I loved to look at it. Walk by it. Touch it. It was a lovely thing that made the smile on my face bigger every time I saw it. The day I walked into that bathroom when we came home I crammed that bib in the back of my closet with tears in my eyes.

With this pregnancy I went and took out the bib. I tried to hang it, to recapture the happiness that I felt when it used to hang there, but it just felt wrong. Instead of being happy for the baby I was carrying it was making me long for the one I had lost. I gently folded the bib and put it in my memory box.

Today I went to Babies R Us because I wanted to get a similar item to place in the bathroom, but I wanted to have something unique for this pregnancy. Although there are similar hopes and dreams for this pregnancy there are also fears and changes in my body that are different than those I had with the last pregnancy. This baby is not the same as my last and this baby needs its own unique token.

I wandered around that huge store stroking oh so soft blankets, smiling widely at the oh so pregnant mommies picking out things for their soon to be born babies, cooing at new mothers pushing their adorable little cherubs around the store and stopping to talk to one new mom about her Orbit Stroller, a stroller I was considering but with the more people I talk to seems to have some serious drawbacks. I was on cloud nine, surrounded by women like me, women that want children, women who are on the same path. It felt AMAZING in that store.

I ended up spending over an hour there and in that time picked up many things that could be what I wanted to hang. I didn’t want another bib, too close to the last one. I found a stuffed animal I liked but then was trying to figure out how I would hang it. Stringing it up by its neck on the hook would look a little macabre. And then I knew when I saw it, I just knew. There was a rack of these adorably tiny little shoes. Size zero and they even had tiny loops in back. PERFECT. I am a shoe girl and well thinking about tiny feet being held by these tiny shoes in just in a few short months made my heart flip.

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We have our charm, a set for a girl baby and another for a boy; or like my dad says two sets work... I could be pregnant with twins after all. Daddy is a little evil like that, he likes to scare me, but I have to wonder twins do run in the family and I have been having some twin dreams.

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As a side note sadly I had to cancel a few trips I had planned for this summer; tentative Alaskan Cruise with Mrs. Rambo, North Carolina to visit Ms. Ivey or to Cabo with Ms. Eden. We are still planning on going to the Florida family beach house and to Yosemite, with the only change being that I am going to cancel the Yosemite camping... instead we are staying in a hotel. Although Mr. Rogue and I love camping, this pregnant princess is SO not sleeping in a tent for a week.

Although I am a little sad about the cancelled travel plans my OBGYN suggested to cut back on the traveling (I traveled quite a bit the last pregnancies first trimester) and although traveling isn’t considered dangerous, and she said nothing I did hurt the baby I lost, she just wants me to take it easy.

Boo for no traveling but YEA FOR A BRAND NEW BABY!

2 comments:

Jess said...

YAY for adorable little shoes!!!! Love you! So cute :)

lilmansworld said...

I really like your shoe idea :) You are going to be such a special mom :)

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