Friday, April 1, 2011

I Dreamed A Dream

So therapy, the depression, the eating... everything seems to be getting better in some aspects and worse in others.

Therapy. I still hate going however I can see some positive changes in the way that I handle things and see situations. I find that I am becoming more accepting of the things that I just cannot change and I am realizing that even though I may beg I will never have a crystal ball to avoid catastrophes in my life. We are working on strengthening my ability to be strong in areas where I need more mental muscle and on being easier on myself for my failures.

The Depression. Is so much better, there are long days or weeks in my life where it does not surface at all. Those moments are like little glimpses into how my life SHOULD be. In therapy we are trying to work on having a bad hour, not a bad day. Letting a bad moment pass and then recovering from that moment faster. Some days I succeed and some days I fail but overall I do feel better.

The eating. Oh the eating got out of control after I lost the baby. I didn’t gain a single pound in the four and a half months I was pregnant but once that trama hit I started to eat and now two months later I am ten pounds heavier. Now I am past the massive binge attacks and am back to trying to make healthier choices. It is a constant struggle and it is HARD.

All in all I feel like I have a ton of things to be thankful for. I am really trying to focus on all the positive in my life while working on some of the things I don’t like. Life... it is a constant journey, a constant battle and I refuse to just give up.

I will battle my demons, I will not back down, I will win and one day I will be the person I dream of being.

And until then I will just listen to Susan Boyle’s beautiful voice encouraging me to dream my dream. I cry every time I listen to it. See her sing here.


paul peggy zeus said...

Our class motto said: God give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The knowledge to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. I believe in that saying and have held it close to my heart. Sounds like you have been adopting that motto without even knowing.

lilmansworld said...

I was reminded of that too ggarens. its unfortunate that susan boyle is so unattractive....in my opinion at least

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