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Thursday, November 25, 2010

Recovery

In the moment of extreme emotion things feel so raw, so real, so much bigger and harder than anything ever before. Yet I was looking out the window of the car on the way home from the hospital yesterday and I was thinking of all the lives NOT affected, about all the terrible times that I have fallen to think that this was it, the world was going to end only for it and I to continue on, or that this was the fall that was going to break me, only to get back up again. They say time cures all wounds but to me it is as if people are just saying ‘sit back and in time the sadness, the anguish, the guilt and anger you are feeling right now will go away... it will just fade and then you will be ok’. I am too proactive to ‘sit back’ and that statement that time heals all wounds has always bothered me.

Everyone deals with death, disasters and disappointments in different ways, everyone has a different way of handling their pain for me, I like to be left alone to work through my emotions and find my peace. Peace and equilibrium are very important in my life and when life throws a curve ball like this I like to work out things alone. Mourning to me is an active working process that I have to weed through myself.

For now though I am just taking a break behind the medication... next week will be time enough to start working.

2 comments:

lilmansworld said...

TIme may heal all wounds, but it sure doesn't your heart for awhile!

paul peggy zeus said...

You are an amazing woman, just remember that I love you.

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