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Saturday, June 26, 2010

The Hardest Part

The hardest part about therapy is the fact that the pain gets worse before it supposedly gets better. I say supposedly because I am sucked into the hurt part right now, a part that I am NOT HAPPY about at all, a part that has kept me in bed all weekend long with little energy to do anything about anything. When I get like this, these moments of deep sadness, I implode inwards and ignore the outside world, I am not saying that is healthy but it is how I deal with things. Unfortunately that also means the dogs don’t get walked, the house does not get cleaned, the laundry goes undone and I barely remember to brush my teeth and shower regularly.

So the pros are that I am in therapy, I go twice a week (which will hopefully accelerate this process of healing and getting better) and I genuinely like the woman I am talking too. The cons however have again left me feeling raw and bleeding with a twice a week emotional beating. I have been crying all week, I have a killer headache, and I told my psychologist last session when she asked me for the hundredth time that day how I ‘felt’ I responded that I felt like ‘clubbing her’.

I apologized right away but in my opinion she did ask me to filter what I was thinking less and she did ask me what I was feeling.

To her credit she laughed and it relieved the tension a bit.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

LOL! Don't ask if you don't wanna know!!

I've made contact with a therapist that deals with food addictions. I feel myself wanting to make excuses why I can't go, but I know I have to. Ugh. When did being a grown up get so difficult.

lilmansworld said...

you can do it!

paul peggy zeus said...

I think the hardest part is the admission and finding the right therapist to help you through this awful time you are having. I love you!!!

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