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Monday, April 26, 2010

eHarmony (dot) com

Some may think this is a tiny bit strange but I went to eharmony.com today and filled out their personality questionnaire, even though I am happily married. Wait I can explain.

Recently I have been helping a friend find her one true love. And by helping I mean moral and cheering support. So I suggested that she join eHarmony.com before I realized that I only knew what I had heard. Wanting to start our next conversation with a bit more knowledge I went onto the site to see how much it was for a month’s membership. Of course they don’t tell you that until after you go through their personality questionnaire, which by the way TAKES FOREVER. By the end however the initial goal of finding out how much it would cost paled to the things that I got to read about me and my personality. And although I used a fake name and email I did enjoy the read AND of course I am never going on the site again, hello I am happily married.

Anyways in the essence of being transparent and remembering where I was at this particular moment in time I give you my report, the good the bad and the ugly. Enjoy!

FROM EHARMONY

HOW I ENGAGE WITH OTHERS

I am best described as: Consistantly taking care of others

A general description:
"What can I do for you?" These words probably feel very natural to you. More than most people, you are genuinely interested in the well-being of others. If they are in trouble, you offer compassion and go out of your way to be helpful. If they need someone who will listen, you are attentive, trustworthy and sympathetic. And you are direct with them; when they need advice or counsel, you offer it in as straightforward and direct a manner as you can.
There may even be times when you put others' needs in front of your own. And you do so without the expectation of some reward or recognition. Yours is a different kind of compassion; you are genuinely tenderhearted and take pleasure in helping others while expecting little or nothing in return. For you, it's not tit-for-tat, you truly want to do things for others that will better their lives. You mean it when you ask, "What can I do for you?"

Negative reactions others may have towards you:
Though your motives arise from genuine compassion, some people might think of you as "a little too good to be true." They could suspect that your kindness is something you use to ingratiate yourself with others or to get them to like you. Others may suspect that your altruism is a mask for your own problems; you take care of others but never let others get to know you well enough to offer you their care. Some of this suspicion may be genuine; they just can't believe you're this kind. But it may also be triggered by envy; people see in you a tenderheartedness they don't find in themselves, and it makes them uncomfortable so they take it out on you with their suspicions.
Another critical response others may have may be something you want to take a serious look at. If you spend your time taking care of others, you may not have enough left to take very good care of yourself. If you're always asking, "What can I do for you?", you may not focus enough on your own needs. You're so busy taking care of others that you neglect yourself and empty your reserves of energy and good health. Like we said, give it consideration and if it doesn't fit move on.
Positive responses others may have of you:
For the most part, people will feel gifted to come across someone like you. For those you help, you will be light in the darkness, a hand up when they've fallen into a ditch. Your true graciousness and selflessness is rather rare these days and is often a breath of fresh air in this all too often dog-eat-dog world. Others will see in you the kindness that each of us seeks in life, both in our own characters and in our relationships with others. And you will become a model of that honest compassion; someone others may even look up to. Hopefully that feels okay to you.

HOW OPEN ARE YOU TO THE IDEAS AND BELIEFS THAT GOVERN YOUR THINKING AND GUIDE YOUR BEHAVIOR
I am best described as: Curious

A general description of how you approach new information and experiences.
You think like an artist. Or better, you SEE like an artist. While most people look at life's straight lines, its height and depth and width, you're bending the lines with your imagination and turning black and white into shades of blue and yellow. And in conversations at work or with your friends you want to ask, "Do you see what I see?" A few might, most don't, but you've piqued everyone's curiosity with your own original and inventive ways of thinking.
You can, if you must, think in conventional ways. But left on your own, you'll usually opt for the eccentric or avant-garde; in fact you're usually bored with what everyone else is comfortable with. You learn from reading, talking, watching people and other fauna and flora, and simply sitting in the soft chair of your mind and wondering how people would learn how to count if they could only use uneven numbers. You are out in front of conventional ideas, bravely originally defining true and false, right and wrong, the good, the bad and the ugly.

Negative reactions others may have toward your style of thinking.
You drive through life faster than the speed limit, and when you hit speed bumps, and you hit a lot of them with your mind distracted from the straight line ahead your wheels leave the ground.
For people who like life at a safer speed, you move too fast and lose touch too often with the solid ground they prefer, hence their discomfort with you. As odd as you might find this, many people feel safe in the shelter of the world they already know. They like the familiar. They breathe easily and sleep deeply knowing with more certainty how the world works. So although they might enjoy your company and be curious about your latest notion of how to count backwards by threes, they can only take you in small doses. And they wish you'd quit trying to push the boundaries of their personal and social cosmos.

Positive reactions others may have toward you.
Even those whom you make uncomfortable know, as just about everyone does, that you're not a flake. You think well, and even your wildest fancies have their roots in the deep soil of sound ideas and tested beliefs. So even if some people don't want to drive at high speed with you, they will respect you for your courage as an innovative and unconventional thinker. You lend color and imagination to what would otherwise be the straight black and white lines of their work world and social environments.
A few more daring people of your circle might even learn from you to take a risk they would otherwise never consider. As comfortable as they are on solid ground, they may be curious about what it would be like to go faster than the speed limit, or paint the living room two shades of blue, or question ideas or beliefs they've fingered like sacred beads since they were children.
After all, they watch you do it, and you seem no worse for the risks you take. In fact, your eyes are wider and your breath quicker, and maybe they can find at least a bit of this for themselves. To be certain, they don't want their wheels to leave the ground, but maybe the next time they approach a speed bump they might just brace themselves and speed up just a little bit.

HOW YOU ARE EMOTIONALLY

I am best described as: Responsive

A GENERAL DESCRIPTION OF MY EMOTIONAL LIFE
You are an emotional person. In some ways, we are all emotional; we feel joy, anger, sadness and fear; some of us more powerfully than others - and you more powerfully than most. Your emotions are closer to the surface, and your feelings more obvious to you than is the case with most people. You've got your life in a good place, your dominant mood is upbeat, and unless life has been particularly trying for you, you greatly enjoy the richness and intensity of life that being so open with your emotions brings you.
Sure there are times when your feelings come very close to the surface, and life becomes more complicated. At these times you may grow self-conscious, or feel a bit anxious. But all in all, you much prefer being open with your emotions, breathing in all that life offers, than shutting down any part of your emotional experience. Granted, there may be times when these emotions are hard but you realize that is part of life. And more often than not you feel enriched by your emotions, by your ability to be open to all that life brings you. You know that even when you have those times that get you down, there will be even more times when you see life in ways that others just can't.

Negative reactions others my have toward you.
Undoubtedly you have met some people who get uncomfortable being around you because your feelings are so close to the surface. They may keep a bit of distance, especially around any subject that might trigger an emotional topic they are uncomfortable with. Over time, they might even stay away from you more and more. You will find you have decisions to make; do you temper your style for their comfort or do you hope they will find ways to become more comfortable with emotional expressions? Given the richness that seems to stem from your emotional life the most meaningful response is probably very apparent to you.

Positive responses others may have toward you.
You are a cherished companion for those friends who can handle emotions well. They will appreciate the candor with which you express even difficult feelings like anger and fear. Your openness will make intimate conversations even more intimate, and make the connections between you as friends deeper and stronger. Some people who have trouble expressing their feelings might find in you a good example of how to be more vulnerable and more open. Your willingness and ability to share your emotions could encourage them to share theirs, and invite them into ways of being friends that will help enrich their lives.

GOALS
I am described best as: Very Focused

A General Description Of How You Interact With Others.
You are very goal-oriented and driven to achieve your goals. Whether at work or around the house or in small tasks or large projects, you want to know what the goal is. Once you know, you give single-minded attention to developing a plan; you gather and organize resources in an orderly fashion, and discipline yourself to work until the job is done.
You will get it done, and done correctly; your attention to detail is one of your most striking characteristics. Whether organizing the garage or the kitchen cupboards or rolling out a new product line at work, you define the goal, think strategically about how to achieve it, and work in an orderly and self-disciplined way to get the job done.
You are this way in relationships as well. You know where each person fits into your life, whether as a work colleague, a distant friend or one of your carefully chosen intimate circles. You are usually quite careful to keep each person in what is for you the comfort-zone of your relationship with them. Within that space, you are very loyal to them; you feel duty-bound to take responsibility for your part in the relationship, and you work hard to fulfill whatever you perceive is your obligation to the other person.
You get uncomfortable when relationships get messy, such as when someone crosses the line from colleague to friend without your invitation, or when an intimate acts irresponsibly and compromises your trust in them. With people, as with work, you prefer an orderly world.

Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward You
For some people, the first thing that comes to mind about you is "control freak." They see your careful plans and your disciplined drive to accomplish your goals and worry that there's no flexibility in you, either toward yourself or toward others.
Being duty-bound and single-minded, two of your strongest qualities, may seem to others to slide too easily into rigid and unbending; what you experience as appropriate caution they might experience as your intolerance of someone else's novel plans or less-than-orderly route toward of strategies aimed at achieving a common goal.
Friends with a more psychological bent might look at you and think "fear." They could see your desire to control yourself and your encounters with others as an unwillingness to let what is inside you come out spontaneously, as if there's something dark in there that you don't want to look at. They may also conclude that you are afraid of others, especially those who are different from you in temperament or self-discipline. They may come to believe that you want to control your interactions with others out of fear that what's inside of them is too messy or too disorderly.

Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You
Almost everyone will agree and admire you for getting stuff done; when you set your mind to something, you move with controlled energy toward a goal and accomplish it. So if they need someone to do a job, they know they can count on you.
Others may be very comfortable with your predictable temperament and behavior. With you there are few surprises, either in your work world or your social life. You show up on time, ready to take part, and you work hard and stay the course until the end, whether in a job, a committee meeting or a gathering of friends. Many people will admire the quality of your character. There is no mess in you or around you.
You say what you believe, live by what you say, and are as consistent as the sunrise. This clarity will make you easy to be with for those who are comfortable with an orderly, somewhat predictable world.

BEING WITH OTHER PEOPLE YOUR VIEWS
I am described best as: Very Outgoing

A General Description of How You Interact With Others
You are a very sociable person, enjoy spending time with other people, and seek their company. Yet on the other hand you will be just as comfortable with an empty calendar or an empty house. You like both sides that life has to offer. You are very outgoing; you seek out other people, arrange activities, organize gatherings, anything that gives you an opportunity to be with your friends. And when you're with them, you are full of energy. You add liveliness to any situation. You talk and listen, participate in whatever the activity is "a sport or a party or a walk in the woods" and come away from such experiences pumped up by the time spent together.
You especially like to talk with your friends. You bring energy and genuine interest to almost any conversation. When they speak, you listen; and then you are eager to have your say as well. You know how to connect in a conversation, using your energy, your vocabulary, and your genuine interest in being with the other person. You are at your best and are happiest in these experiences of real communication.
One more thing about you. When you are in these experiences of real communication with others, you really know how to let yourself go. When you talk, when you play, when you participate in some activity, you are unrestrained. You give all that you've got to these moments, and because you like the experience so much, your warmth comes through. It is clear to whomever you're with that you're glad to be in just this situation. In these warm, wide-open moments, you are you at your best.

Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward You
Not everyone will enjoy being with you. Because you are so outgoing, those who are very similar to you may find you too much to take. "Talks way too much, and always wants to be the center of attention" is a phrase others may use about you because those are their exact characteristics, sometimes to your face, though more often they talk behind your back. And some people simply might get fed up with you.
Also, those whose personality is quieter, whose idea of a good conversation is more low-key, low-intensity, low-volume, may find they want some distance from you. For them, you suck up too much of the air in the room, and they need to walk away to breathe more comfortably. They might not say anything, after all, they're not as communicative as you are, but by their distance or their absence they'll let you know that sometimes you're more than they can or want to handle. How you choose to respond will likely depend on the situation but it is important for you to realize some people may have this sort of response to you.

Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You
On the other hand, many people will enjoy your company immensely. Your warmth and liveliness will attract them to you, and your ability to communicate with such unrestrained energy will draw them in and keep them interested. They will appreciate your willingness to take the initiative in planning an event or leading a conversation, and because you come alive in a group you will make any social situation more fun and more interesting for everyone involved.
If you sometimes go over the top: talk too much, insist too intently on your own opinions, get someone involved in an adventure that may be out of their usual realm of behaviors, people who know you well will probably cut you some slack because they understand that when you get wound up you sometimes don't stop. It's just lively, energetic, outgoing you who makes life so much more interesting for your friends

1 comment:

lilmansworld said...

way to dig deep e harmony

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