Monday, February 8, 2010

One of Life’s More Unpleasant Tasks

I went to the dentist today to get a deep gum cleaning. I know I write these words and I shudder, deep gum cleaning well it just is NOT pleasant. In fact I think it may be one of lifes most un-pleasant tasks one that I had vivid daydreams in the car on the way to the dentist of what excuse I could use to get out of it. You know the excuses you tried to come up with when you really DID not want to go to your waitressing job because that would require you to get out of bed and WORK and you only just got home from being out all night an hour ago.

So I was driving and fantasizing which excuses could work and fighting myself to NOT pick up the cell phone and use one of the excuses. I did come up with quite a few. I bet Hitler never had to get a deep gum cleaning.

So I walk in the door fantasizing about the new purse I am going to buy myself for being a good girl and walking in the door and I am greeted by the ladies behind the desk and my dentist who are all being fabulous and chatty and happy because THEY are not getting a deep gum cleaning. And I am trying not to be sulky and whiny and rude because seriously they are just doing their job and they are being pleasant while they attempt to get me ready to rip open my gums. But then I realize that they PICKED this profession, that when they picked it they had to have known that 99.9% of their patients would hate coming in to see them and that really that last 0.1% was just crazy masochists and who wants them for friends. Dumb pick people you get an F for job choice in my book.

So I am sitting there in the chair and my dentist is happily chatting away to me as I blink and mumble around ten thousand tools, multiple sets of hands, and my numb tounge. Really dentists must learn an alternate language, one that revolves around mono-syllables and grunts because I could barely recognize what I am saying however she seems to have no trouble interpreting. I wonder if she is just faking her understanding because there is only a certain amount of times you can ask what before you just fake it. You know when you are in a conversation and you don’t understand what the person you are talking to said the first time, so you ask what, only to hear them repeate what they said and STILL not be able to understand them the second time, so you just start nodding your head and rambling on and on about how you understand.

So I kept asking how much longer, am I done yet, CAN I GO. And I swear to you the second she said she was finished I shot out of that chair and ran out the door dribbling saliva. Five and a half hours later after I took Tylenoal PM to sleep for four of those hours I am still slightly numb and attempting to sip yogurt through a straw. I am already forming my excuses of why I need to cancel my appointment next week to do the other half of my gums. What do you think about joining a new church, a church that does not believe in medical care. Google helped me find it, it is the Church of God (Restoration). You see Google is my friend, I totally think that this one will work.


paul peggy zeus said...

Becky chose Dentistry. . . what about that? Gum cleaning is for light weights - take it from someone who knows the difference between a cleaning and a crown.

lilmansworld said...

what the heck is a gum cleaning? is it like a high-powered water jet or something? We all need to hit up the dentist, thanks for the motivation. NOT

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