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Sunday, January 31, 2010

Elusive Fog

So over the past few weeks I have been weaning my body and my brain slowly off my antidepressant medication and it has made me nervous. I keep expecting for the dark hole to swallow me whole again or for some terrible melodrama to jump out from under my bed but thankfully other than a few mild side effects the symptoms coming back are minor.

The mild side effects are that the dry mouth and the massive migraines are back but my doctor assures me that these will fade with time just as they did when I went onto the drugs in the first place. Some of the minor symptoms of my depression back are the sleepless nights, I am back to pacing at night, I cannot sleep, I am wandering the halls. The problem with sleepless nights is that it is hard for me to be on a schedule, eating and sleeping that for the general population is regulated by their job. Because I am a jobless hussy right now my body does what it wants and maybe because I am scared of pushing myself too much I sometimes let it. I am also having some nightmares, now granted they are not the screaming sobbing nightmares I was having; no these are just mild compared to those dark times. Sadly I have gained 4 lbs since being off the drugs. It seems that the antidepressants I was on helped me deal with my binge eating as a way to self medicate. That’s TOTALLY gonna suck but it just means I need to try harder.

So, overall I am pretty happy with my short run with antidepressants. Although I will continue seeing my doctor and reviewing my symptoms just to be sure that I am still on the road to recovery I am glad to not be dependent on a drug to continue with my life.

Sometimes, late at night, I wish I had a VISABLE injury, something I and others could wrap their brain around a little easier than this elusive fog that has tendrils wrapped around my brain.

1 comment:

paul peggy zeus said...

You are a beautiful, giving, loving person...You are a beautiful, giving, loving person...You are a beautiful, giving, loving, person...You are a beautiful, giving, loving person...You are a beautiful, giving, loving person... and in case you forget these things, just call me and I'll remind you again what a beautiful, giving, loving person you truly are!!!!

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