House Part 2: Get Out The Tranquilizer

As if purchasing a house by the seat of our pants were not enough to give us pause and take inventory of our situation, we moved almost immediately into a very expensive remodelling project. I admit that this was mostly my fault. You see I am a super bit bull-headed and once I get an idea in my head that something is going to get done or a goal in sight then unfortunately I don’t normally pause and reassess as I go. I consider this sometimes my BEST quality because it generally allows me to succeed at anything I want but I also sometimes see it as my WORST quality because sometimes I get myself in situations where I feel like I am trying to get the last Twinkie from Attila the Hun.

So after only living in the house for 3 weeks and without doing the PROPER research I spearheaded the remodelling project with about as much finesse as Godzilla taking care of small children. Let’s just say that it was not my proudest moment and Mr. Rogue was powerless to stop me after I got momentum. In hindsight he should have just gotten out the tranquilizer gun and sedated me until I took my eyes off of the end prize. But we were still working out how each other ticked and he did not know this yet. He knows now and in fact has the tranquilizers already set up in the safe ready to use. He is so prepared that is why I love him so much.

Initially everything went well. I hired a contractor that was one of the least expensive and we had all of our ideas drawn up to what we wanted. I remember the first week was so exciting. Walls were coming down, all the old appliances and counters were stripped away, new walls were erected and so much change was happening every single day. It was dusty and dirty but I remember being so excited everyday when I got home from work to see that new things had been done.


OUR OLD KITCHEN WAS TORN OUT


NEW WINDOWS WERE CUT OUT OF THE BACK WALL FOR THE NEW KITCHEN


THE OLD SINK AND DISHWASHER WERE REMOVED


WE TORE EVERYTHING DOWN TO THE STUDS

And then things started to change. Week after week things slowly started to seem to come to a halt. I remember not being able to see anything done on the house for a week. My contractor gave me an excuse that there was a lot going on with wiring and plumbing that I could not see but that work was progressing. After another two weeks of his crappy hidden answers and our first inspection date looming in the next few days I put my foot down and said that there would be no more checks written until I saw some progress. That conversation was the last I had with him. He left, shut off his phone and disappeared without a trace.

I managed to make a TON of mistakes in our remodelling project. I choose the wrong contractor, a man who lied to us, who did not pull the proper permits, a man who came into our home and tore it to pieces and then after two months walked away with the money we had paid him. We had holes in our floor, no heat, a partial roof, shady electricity, unfinished plumbing, a huge problem to clean up with the city who were pissed that the proper procedures had not been followed and we were left attempting to find another contractor who would come into this mess and HELP US. I cried for a month.


OUR FLOOR WAS TORN UP AND WE HAD TO DO A BALANCING ACT TO GET ACROSS THE ROOM


DEBRIS WAS LEFT EVERYWHERE


WE HAD UP PLASTIC THAT WE THOUGHT WOULD BE TEMPORARY TO KEEP OUT THE DUST

PART OF OUR ROOF WAS MISSING AND THERE WERE HOLES TO THE OUTSIDE EVERYWHERE

House Part 1: Hindsight is the Best Foresight

Mr. Rogue built me a new computer out of various computers that I inherited when my company went under. It has been a huge undertaking to transfer all my files from the old computer to the new server that we have to store old files as well as transfer all the files that I use regularly to the new computer. Then attempting to get all my settings, bookmarks, favourites, and fonts it is just exhausting and clearly I think that getting a new computer should be right up there with losing a job or dealing with a death because it is THAT TRAMATIC. Anyways the file transfer issues and setting up my computer is not the subject of today’s post. Instead I wanted to talk about a set of photos that I ran across, something that I have been avoiding blogging about because it is ONE of the MOST TRAMTIC events of my entire life and I just did not think that I was strong enough to talk about it without cracking my brain permanently. Yet in the essence of trying to record all my important moments I would be remiss in leaving this event out. So this is the first post of a series of posts explaining our crazy first home purchasing/construction saga.

Mr. Rogue and I bought our house on a whim; seriously. We were renting a three bedroom home and we were really happy there. As our one year lease was creeping to an end we had discussed staying in this rented house until we were able to pay off all our debt, marry and then save enough to buy a home which translated that we were planning on staying for a few years. But one Friday evening when we were sitting down after dinner I was going through the mail and found a notice from our landlord that he was selling the house and he was offering to let us purchase before it went on the market. Although Mr. Rogue and I decided that the house was way overpriced and we were not interested in purchasing after our initial freak out of the thought of having to move AGAIN we decided to go to the bank the next morning and apply for a loan just to see what would happen. We both had great credit and we both had pretty good solid jobs that we were happy in so we were optimistic that we would qualify. I blame this very bad decision on the fact that I had drank excessively for months and I really think that many of my brain cells were still soaked in alcohol and therefore not working correctly. It was either that or the multiple times I have run into things with my head, because it is a super hard head with a thick skull and virtually impregnable; a power that I attribute to my fathers side of the family.

To our surprise, because this was three years ago and they were practically giving loans to anyone with a pulse, we qualified for a gigantic loan amount. So the next weekend we started looking at homes to buy and started talking to realtors while on the side we decided to also look for other houses to rent as a backup plan. Turned out that we found a realtor that we really liked at one of the houses and the next weekend he was showing us various things he thought we would like. After only going out three times and seeing about 9 houses we found a house that we loved, that we felt we could afford on one salary (I was pretty adamant about not spending the entire amount that the bank thought we could afford and keeping the mortgage so that if one of us lost a job or something traumatic happened that we would be ok with one salary). The house we fell in love with needed a lot of work to make right but we were up for a challenge and the price was right. So within 6 weeks of getting that letter we were at the bank signing all the paperwork to purchase our first home together a big step considering that we were not engaged. I was confident that we were going to end up together; little did I know that purchasing this house would stall our wedding for two years.

Here are the photos of our house as it was before we moved in.

The kitchen desperately needed updating as well as a new floor plan. When we moved in it was a galley hall kitchen with a breakfast nook, a formal dining room and a hallway. The flow was badly designed and Mr. Rogue and I decided that demolishing the four areas and creating one large eat in kitchen would be a great solution to open the space up.







There was a huge back room 18x50ft that was way to large as a single room. We had plans to create a master suite with a full bathroom, walk in closet and bedroom. All the oppressive dark wood paneling had to go as well as the Indian influenced fireplace but this large room had excellent light with two large windows and exposed wooden ceiling beams.



The original family room was a small room but had a lot of natural light from three windows. It had potential to be a great room once we got rid of the nasty wood paneling on the fireplace and opened up the small doorway into the kitchen to make more of a great room feel with a combined family room kitchen. Also under all this crappy cheap carpet are the original oak wood floors that desperately need a sanding and stain but I was super excited at the prospect of having hard wood floors.

Hindsight is the best foresight and if ONLY WE HAD KNOWN THE HORRORS that were just around the corner I would have walked away from that house and saved years that the trauma the next year would steal.

The Smell Of Heaven

I am in heaven literally. It is now officially the end of the season for our orange and tangerine trees and Mr. Rogue and I could not be happier. Not because we don’t love our fruit trees but because we are so sick of anything that tastes like citrus because we have been eating a few almost every single day, see here.

There are a few wonderful things about the end of the year. For one I have six more months to forget what the taste of citrus is and forget how much that I have imbibed so by the time they fruit again I will be again salivating for our delicious fruit. Another thing is that I no longer have to explain that the glorious scent surrounding me is not a new orange scented lotion from Bath and Body Works but it is ORANGE AND TANGERINE juice oozing out of my pores because I ate way to much this week. But the MOST WONDERFUL thing about the end of the season is that the trees have started to bloom with little white buds of heavenly smelling goodness. I am certain that there is NOTHING IN THE WORLD other than my husband’s neck in the morning that smells better than my backyard when the citrus trees bloom.

So again like last year I am making up excuses to spend as much time as possible in the yard, which is not hard considering I have a lot of gardening to do, I enjoy reading and painting or sketching on the back porch, and I can work on my non-existent tan. It takes everything I have not to just pick every single flower and lock it in a box with me inside just so I can surround myself with its luscious smell. I just REALLY hope that I can restrain myself and not sleep in the yard this year, not like last year.

I'm On A Boat

You know when you find something that is so funny that you just cannot contain your laughter, that you are rolling on the ground trying to catch your breath with tears streaming down your face. This was the best laugh I had all week. Be aware that it is a little explicit.

BBBS 9 – Santa Monica Beach

One of the things that Ms. Little and I had issues with initially is trying to decide what to do. She was so shy and I was so hesitant in choosing what would be fun that inevitably we stumbled a little with our first few outings. One of the many pieces of great advice our match specialist gave was to make a list of things that I thought would be fun and that I wanted to do together and her to make her own list of what she thought would be fun. This has been a great helping tool for us. Now instead of sitting on the phone attempting to get her to agree to something or frantically trying to find something for us to do the day before we have a list to go off of. One outing is hers and then the next one is mine.


THE LEFT SIDE IS MY LIST AND THE RIGHT IS MS. LITTLE'S

Today we are going to ride bikes on the beach. I decided to go to the Santa Monica beach because I know Ms. Little’s attention span is super short and because I thought after the inevitable 30 min bike ride that she would get bored and there is a ton of other things to do at the Santa Monica beach, in particular the super cool pier. It was wonderful cruising in the sunshine. It was a perfect California day, 80 degrees with a wonderful light breeze and not a cloud in the sky. We raced, we almost collided into a few things and people, and we coasted in silence soaking in the air and the sunshine. I was however so right about Ms. Little’s attention span. After 25 minutes she was done racing and wheeling down the beach so we returned the rented bikes and walked to the pier.

On the pier we had ice cream (our favourite thing that we do almost every single time we hang out) we watched performances from the street artists and then we toddled off to the mini fair that has a permanent residence. Since we were short on time and since I was not in the mood to put my life into the not so sturdy machinery we decided to ride the Farris Wheel and then call it a day. On the ride we could see for miles and I got my favourite photo of the day.


FARRIS WHEEL PHOTO

Sometimes it is hard being a Big. It is hard to give up the time and the expense is also tough to keep up. Generally I spend between 30-50 dollars not including gas on an outing. And then two to three outings a month it does add up. However I am proud to be a big and I am excited with the level of trust and friendship that I see growing on both sides of this relationship.


MS. LITTLE

Confessions of a Shop-a-holic

Since Mrs. Dancer and I both had a HELL of a week and since we were both currently unemployed we decided to spend our afternoon drinking martinis, dining on great sushi and shoe shopping. Ah how retail therapy can sometimes sooth the wounded soul.

Photo Phriday: Rogue

Because this week was so traumatic I decided to focus my photography on someone that brings me so much joy without asking for anything in return. He is such a loveable wonderful man in my life and today brought me the best comfort. Rogue, my dog, it is time for your close up.

Big Weight Of Useless Flesh

I am finally back home from my unexpected trip to Michigan and although I did not have access to the Internet I made sure to make time to keep up with my nightly blogging so you will see a back-up of the days uploaded today in a big batch. It is good to be home, back in my own bed with my own things. It is easier to begin the healing process and sink into a familiar routine. I think all the water has been cried out and then replenished by the mountain of water that I drank. I am sure I will be peeing every 20 minutes for the next few days. Of course it would have been easier starting the healing process in a clean house. But when I walked in the door the place was a disaster. That is the trouble with me going away for any length of time, this trip it was 6 days. When I am gone nothing seems to get done right and unfortunately my nature just can’t let it sit there for one more day. SO even though I was so exhausted I thought I would drop after getting to bed last night at 1:30am and getting up at 3:00am for my 10 hour trip home I, upon entering my messy house, changed and began to put right the past 6 days of neglect. I am convinced that the world would go to hell if all the women died tomorrow from some terrible genetic disease. Men would not be long in extinction behind us.

I was proud that I managed to get home with all the crystal intact, a feat that I was not sure I was going to be able to do. I had it all packed carefully in a bag wrapped triple time in bubble tape and I made sure to keep my eyes pealed for any catastrophe that could perhaps cause any harm to my precious cargo, I am pretty sure that if there were any danger that I would have thrown my body in its path to save my breakable memories. That bag full of crystal was so heavy I am not sure that my right arm will ever recover from what seems to be permanent numbness. That bag was so heavy and I had to cart it across the ENTIRE airport to make my connecting flight in Cleveland. After about 30 steps it cut off all the circulation. Right now my arm is like a big weight of useless flesh that I drug around the house all day. I guess I will get out of doing the dishes forever if the feeling does not come back.

Michigan: Black, Rainy, Sad Day

It is a grey and rainy day and so fitting for the third and final day for my grandfathers funeral. My grandfather had been part of the Air Force so he was getting honoured today for his service to the United States. I had never been to a service with these honours and I thought it was very fitting. There was the emblem on the hearst, a 21 gun salute, and the presentation of the United States flag to my father.


THE EMBLEM ON THE SIDE OF THE HEARST


TWENTY ONE GUN SALUTE


THE FLAG AND BULLETS PRESENTED TO MY FATHER

It was a terrible four hours and I am going to miss him so much.


THE LAST PHOTO THAT I HAVE OF US AT MY WEDDING FIVE MONTHS AGO

After the funeral the whole family went back to the house. It seemed wildly inappropriate but because my mother, my father and I are all leaving very early in the morning tomorrow and since we don’t plan on returning anytime soon we were asked to make lists, by my aunt the executer of the estate, of what we wanted. It was a painful process. No one wants to see the dismantling of a home we have all kept at the center of our heart, the home of our matriarch, the center of every holiday and happy get together with the family. It made me sick but I was able to choose some things that meant a lot to me. Things that I will keep forever to remind me of the love we shared and the happy times we had.

- Crystal bowl and cake plate – Every Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas we would all get together at my grandparents house and surround the table in huge feasts. The centerpeices of our feast were the huge Crystal bowl filled with homemade fruit cocktail and the crystal cake plate holding the desert. I can not remember one year without it and now I can continue their use in my own future family holidays.





- Crystal Charm – This charm may not look like much but it hung from the rear view mirror of my grandmother’s and then my grandfather’s car for as long as I can remember. I fondly recall lying in the back seat as we drove around and staring at the sunlight casting prisms across the car. I remembered thinking that it is magical. Weirdly enough my parents are I were driving my grandfathers car, we were talking about how much I loved this crystal and how it was one of the few things that I would like, and the crystal hanging off the rear view mirror like always fell at my feet in the car. Maybe it is just a coincidence that it fell at that particular moment, maybe it was the crazy erratic driving that I do, or just maybe if you believe in it it could be a sign from my departed grandpa that he wanted me to have it to.



- St. Christopher Necklace – My grandfather never took this necklace off once for as long as anyone can remember. I was surprised that the family gave this to me but I will keep it as a most precious memento.



Things that I will remember forever in the house that I was not able to keep were grandmothers stain glassed lamp and the angel they had always lit in their home at night. I will however keep these photos and carry the memories with me forever of them.





I have never cried so hard writing before. My heart is breaking.

Michigan: Random Almost Lost History

On the second day, the long 7 hour day, of the funeral I had a lot of time to reflect. I was thinking about how a whole generation had finally died out with my grandfather and I found myself instantly obsessed with photos and stories from the past.

How Grandpa and Grandma met:
My grandmother lived in Buloxi Mississippi with her mother Great Grandma Oldness. It is not much talked about but her mother, Great Grandma Oldness, divorced her husband and moved to Harley Illinois with her mother Great Great Grandma Super-Oldeness. In those days divorce was severely frowned upon and because the matter was kept so quiet no one knows why her mother left her husband. My grandmother met her best friend in high school in Illinois and soon after her best friend married grandma’s brother. Granma moved to Detroit and worked as a telephone operator at the Gas Station. Her friend at work (not sure who) set up grandma and grandpa on a blind date. I can remember grandpa telling me that he could not understand a word grandma said in her thick southern accent on their first date, but her beauty and her smile caught his heart for life. They did not date long before they were married.

Stories of Grandma’s youth:
My grandmother and her brother lived right off the ocean. Every morning before school they took out the little row boat and set lobster traps. Every afternoon after school it was their job to collect the traps and the lobsters inside. Their mother would cook lobster a million different ways more ways than you can imagine. After my grandma moved away from Buloxi as a teen she never ate lobster again.

Stories of Grandpa’s youth:
My grandpa as a little boy was a watcher. His father (The General) owned a “Speak Easy” in the alcohol abolition days. The kind that looked like a store but that had swinging walls and a hidden bar. My grandfather would stand on the corner and watch for policemen and when one was spotted it was his job to run up the street and warn his father to convert the BAR back into a store.

These are just a few that I remember but I think having them here will keep them from slipping through the cracks with my inevitable loss of memory when I get old, or Great Great Super Oldness.

Michigan: Cure’s With A Smile

I woke up and I thought I would feel worse than I did yesterday since today is the day of the first day of a three day funeral. But I find that there is a certain amount of numbness that has finally seeped in to dull my senses and that I am feeling very different then what I did two years ago when nothing made sense. Maybe it is because grandpa was old and sick and there was a certain amount of preparation for me to wrap my head around him not being there anymore. Or maybe it is because Baby Lambchop my nephew and the first of the next generation of our family name was there to continue on the line and fill the funeral home with giggles and laughs. Having the baby there, something soft and warm and oblivious to the turmoil of the crowd around him made you forget moments of bone crushing grief. The circle of life was never felt more for me than in that moment, when one generation passes to make room for the next. As I nuzzled his baby neck I felt a feeling of contentment and peace. I think I have a new business plan, a funeral home that doubles as a child care facility where the babies are rented to sad families. I could cure a lot of pain with one baby’s toothless smile or silly little antic. I know it did for me, if even only for a few moments.

Michigan: Distance Sucks

It is great living in Los Angeles. I love so many things about it that I don’t know if I will ever be able to actually leave. Mr. Rogue and I have talked about it many many many times. That raising a family here is not such a great idea. The schools are not great, we don’t have any family nearby other than my brother in law, and our children would be raised with an extended ‘Aunts – Uncles’ of friends.

I never feel further away then when I miss a wedding, or a shower, or when I purchase last min flights for accidents or deaths. Being in Michigan for my grandfather’s funeral at least has one good point; I get to see Baby Lambchop my nephew again. I just saw him two months ago and I cannot believe the changes in just such a short time. Last time he could sit and he would interact but now he is crawling he is cooing his cute little baby babble. Nothing makes the time feel like it is moving so fast then when you have a rapidly growing kid to gage it against.

I am going to be the photo aunt but I just can’t help it he is so DAMN cute! Here are some of my favourites.


LOOK AT THAT SWEET ADORABLE FACE


LOOK AT THOSE ADORABLE BABY CHUBBY LEGS; THIS IS HOW HE GOT HIS BABY LAMBCHOP NAME


NOW THAT HE IS CRAWLING HE IS GETTING INTO SO MUCH TROUBLE


AND HE IS EATING SOLID FOOD – YUMM CHERRIOS


HE LOVES MUSIC AND HUNG OUT WITH GRANDMA WHILE SHE PLAYED


MA ROGUE, BABY LAMBCHOP AND I


ARE YOU BITTING YOUR THUMB AT ME


LOOK AT MY GIGANTIC BABY FEET


ADORABLE IN HIS LITTLE BABY HAT – LIFE MUST BE HARD BEING CARRIED EVERYWHERE


MY DAD IN BABY LAMBCHOP’S HAT – HE IS ADORABLE