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Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Drug Me

Yesterday I went to the doctor for my annual physical examination and while talking to the doctor about my habits I burst into tears. And not just a little trickle but gut wrenching, standing in the bathroom high school prom style burying my face into the paper towel dispenser sobs. Of course that led to a deeper conversation about my depression with my doctor which led to her finally convincing me to try medication to help.

Lately I have been feeling much better. So much better in fact that I am starting to feel like my old self, but with Mr. Rogue and I talking about getting pregnant soon I am worried about being 100% before I rock my life with a huge change like a child.

So today was the first day on my new medication, a serotonin-noepinepherine reuptake inhibitor which basically means that this little pill will change the way chemicals in my brain work. That is scary, taking a pill that does things to my brain.

REALLY SCARY.

But I am determined to get better and although there is a VERY long list of side effects I am happy to say that the side effects I have had today are mild. The dry mouth and the constant drinking of water is a bit annoying, especially when all that liquid causes me to have to go to the bathroom so often. The crazy dreams, as I was talking to Mrs. Ivey League about, are kinda cool in a weird way. I dreamed last night that I was a lizard and that I was eating spiders. The problem is that I hate bugs, in particular I HATE spiders. So all throughout the dream my lizard me was loving the taste and the crunch and the me was gagging at the thought. I woke up rather confused. Today I had some dizziness, a little absentminded, and I was so tired that I took a four hour nap but my doctor assures me that most of these symptoms will subside.

For now I pop my pill and pray that one day I will be me again.

2 comments:

paul peggy zeus said...

Good for you, that is a HUGE step! I hope this little pill will be like Mothers' little helper and do it's trick in getting you back to yourself again. Can't wait to see you in two more days, HURRAY!!!

Ivy said...

I was so shocked when you told me. Other people might think, "Ok, yeah, so that's a little scary." But I know how you feel about medicine (and I respect it), so I know that this is a HUGE deal. Which is good, because it means you are really motivated to get better. But also scary. It must be BAD for you to try medicine. REALLY BAD. Honey, I have been down in that abyss and I say, if it takes drugs to get back out, then take the drugs! Think of them as a stepladder, not a solution! I hate to think of you suffering, so I am elated to hear that this treatment is working so far. Bravo!

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