Monday, September 28, 2009

New Business Plan

So between being in a third world country for two weeks, not loving the Asian food, sweating so much that I just don’t want to each much of anything AND getting a cold that has been lingering for a week I managed to lose 10lbs on this trip. I was ecstatic when I got on the scale in my bathroom at home and good news is (I think, well at least for weight loss) that I am still sick.

My weight loss got me and Ms. Ivey League jokingly discussing a few options for loosing weight.

New business model for weight loss - pick your poison:

1. We will have a clinic and they inject you with the flu for two weeks. You will get a luxury room with as much free cable as you can watch, an around the clock nursing staff to see to your every need, a team of doctors to monitor your flu and you are guaranteed to lose 30lbs in three weeks.

2. We will have a vacation resort where the food is infested with tape worm eggs. You will be monitored daily with a short appointment while the rest of your day is spent lounging in the sun and joining in the resorts activities. Once your desired weight loss is reached the worms are laparoscopically removed from your system and you are free to go home a thinner happier you.

3. We would have a Survivalist Adventure for those wanting a bit more challenge. Basically we would have various locations in the middle of nowhere and you would need to figure out how to survive. Basically it would be a cross between Survival man and Survivor. You would be watched to make sure a lion does not eat you and that you do not STARVE to death but other than that you are on your own until you reach your desired weight loss.

4. For those with no willpower and no want to have to DO anything there is the incarceration package. Basically you write down your goal weight (within reason) and you are caged with minimal food and water until you reach it. No amount of begging will let you out of the cage, the only way to unlock the door is to get on the scale lighter. Easy and simple.

5. For those rich and famous immediate gratification types we bring you the drug induced coma. Go to sleep, we feed you intravenously and you wake up 2 months later skinny. It would be just like no time had gone by at all and the ancillary price to reaching your weight loss goal is that you get to get caught up on your sleep.

NOTE: For those of you with only two brain cells please don’t try this at home it is only a joke.


paul peggy zeus said...

I am NOT going to join your spa, sorry darling.

Ivy said...

Sign me up!

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