Tuesday, July 21, 2009

I am Water

I have been pondering why I sabotage every single attempt I make to diet and lose the weight. I gained over 60lbs four years ago in a time of horrible stress. Over that period of time my connection to food switched from a biological need to a psychological comfort. For the past three years I have been in a cycle of dieting, losing weight, and then the inevitable weight gain. It is a cyclical cycle that I cannot seem to break.

We all do things to sooth ourselves, everyone uses something to manage and cope with our fast paced society. Weather your crutch is caffeine fix in the morning, yoga classes to center you, or a round of boxing at the gym we all have our secret to making ourselves feel better. Right now chocolate cake or any other sweet thing seems to be the way my body comforts itself and that relationship is something that I LOVE and something that I hate. I have foods that bring me positive memories like raw cookie dough, or Velveeta shells and cheese. Where I do not taste Velveeta but I taste my childhood memories. My crapatites get me through rough patches in my life.

I was looking at some photos of my younger happier self and I wish I was that young woman again. I wish that I appreciated how beautiful I was, that I was less nitpicky about my appearance, how I had very few worries in the world, and my relationship with food.

I generally can start a diet with the best intentions of sticking to it but something always seems to throw a wrench in my plans to bump me off course. I think the most successful run I have had was when I lost a ton of weight for my wedding. I managed to stay on a diet and an exercise program for 6 months in which time I managed to lose 30 lbs. But sadly now eight months after my wedding I am 10lbs heavier than when I started dieting for my wedding.

I have many inspirational stories of friends that have stepped up and reshaped their minds and bodies. Ms. Ivey League, Ms. Bulldog and Ms. Eden have all managed to begin to eat better an exercise for a better body and a better life. I know in my heart I can do it, I know it is now that I have the time, I am feeling much better, and I now work out twice a day every day and have managed to stick to that schedule. I now need to tackle my fears and dependency on the emotional side of eating and that is going to be most difficult. I am following the saying “If you do not succeed, try try again”. Also I am keeping the thought of water against rock, a practice that has gotten me what I want time and time again. I am water and whatever I am trying to concur is rock. Water will always win, every single time, you just need to give water enough time. Water will win, I will win.


Courtney Marie said...

You can do it! It is so hard and a struggle every step of the way, but in the end it is so worth it. The increase in energy and all around feeling better is amazing. If you can force yourself to stick to a routine (diet or exercise) it can become a habit so that it will feel foreign if you fall of track. I'm proud of you for committing to yourself! You know you can call/email/text me if you need to talk about this struggle, its so much easier with support!

Oh and drink tons of water. This has helped me tremendously, I didn't realize how little water I drank. Now I carry around a giant pink water bottle and make sure I drink 3 of them per day.

Love you!

paul peggy zeus said...

Good advise Courtney! I would try NOT to diet - just start eating better. Drink a glass of water 1/2 hour BEFORE you eat, that way, your tummy feels full and you won't eat as much. Make small changes like low fat mayo or low cal butter - stop frying food - bake, broil, grill or crockpot. Switch hamburger dishes with Turkey. Watch the FAT content in food - choose yogurt based ice cream or sherbet instead of ice cream. Make lifetime changes instead of the rollercoaster ride of dieting - it is working for me when diets never did. It seems as though as soon as the DIET is over, the weight comes back on..,YOU CAN DO IT! I know how strong you are WOMAN!

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