Thursday, May 21, 2009

Snap Out Of It

I had been struggled with the symptoms of depression for a year before I sought out a psychologist for therapy. That decision to ask for help cost a lot and took many months from the actual decision to actually going to my first session. The problem is when my depression was bad I knew I had to go but I was to tired or upset to actually make the effort to look up the information about my insurance, find the doctor and make the appointment. On the flip side when I was having my good days where I would have been able to easily set an appointment I deluded myself into thinking that it really was not that bad and that I could just continue to work it out on my own. After a particularly bad few weeks where my depression was so bad I thought it would never lift I decided with the help of encouraging family and friends to just make an appointment. Sadly after attending therapy for a few months I lost my job and my insurance which caused me to stop going. I don’t know how helpful it was anyways, it did not seem to be cutting back my episodes or the effects it had on my life. I have heard that therapy can help but I don’t think it was for me so even when I was added to my husbands insurance I decided not to pursue going again.

Another year has gone by and the symptoms are not getting better, in fact they are getting worse and I have finally, after much research, decided that it is time I tried medicating the problem. Because I have tried everything else and all have lead me to tremendous failure.

A couple of things I learned
1. The brain was shaped over a period of about six million years. So for over 95.5% of this time homeo sapiens lived in small groups of hunters and gatherers. Since the Bronze Age we have been living more and more in larger groups of towns and cities. FACT: Biology takes a long time to catch up with changes in the environment and the past major change of the Bronze Age (a little over 5,000 years ago) is a drop in the vast pond of six million years. Because our brain biology is behind this is cause for depression.

2. Our society honours materialistic things, power, and money. Our hunter-gatherer ancestor genes are ancient to this type of wiring even though it is socially acceptable our biology has a hard time processing it. In our generation family and a strong supportive community can help, but more often than not our generation moves far away from support groups. This isolation and focus on things that were not important to our biological survival causes massive issues in our emotional health.

3. The symptoms of depression in people and groups of animals caused other people in the group to have sympathy and care for the injured person. A basic instinct that was useful in past times but not so much in modern day society when the average shelf life of acceptable sadness only lasts as long as a gallon of milk. We are in a time of rapid movement, where any flaw is perceived as a default and we are expected to just get over it, or think our way out of the problem.

Depression is not just something that you can snap out of. It is an actual imbalance of the chemicals in your brain and how it process serotonin. I have sadly given two years to this disease and I am turning to medication, something that I hate, as a last resort to claim my life back.

1 comment:

paul peggy zeus said...

Congratulations, I am so very proud of you for devling into this problem that you've tried so hard to sweep under a rug and leave it there. I believe there is somebody out the with the knowledge to help you get through this problem and feel happy and free once again. I know you are strong, and I know you will prevail! I love you too much for it not to work. -MOM

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