Sunday, February 8, 2009

We Are Watching You

There is a man two doors down, a very large man with a tiny excuse for a dog. You know those little indescribable dogs no larger than a healthy rat in New York sewers. Anyway this man every morning wakes up and takes his dog on a 6 house radius walk, as in he will walk six houses to the right, six houses to the left, and NEVER across the street. On one particular when we had just recently moved into our home I noticed the tiny dog and his large companion taking a morning (I guess you could call it a walk, if you want to call strolling down 6 houses a walk) with his small rat dog. The dog takes a crap, not a large crap because he is a VERY small dog, so it is a small dogs crap, but here is the kicker he does not clean up this small little crap. Now one incident and it would be annoying, but from what I have seen and what I hear from the neighbours he takes this little walk at least ONCE every day. So if you do the math since there are 12 houses he lets his dog free to crap on in the neighbourhood, NEVER his own, then that gives me a MONTHS worth of crap on my yard in a given year. What gives him the right to do this, everyone on this road knows about it, we all bitch about it, I am not sure someone has approached him yet but let me just tell him HE IS NOT BEING SNEAKY. We all see you Mr. Ratdog.

What bothers me the most is the fact that I have stepped in this crap TWICE. Once with my sneakers after a walk with Rogue which SUCKED because it is really difficult to get that crap out of the tiny treads of sneakers. The second time I stepped in it I was in a pair of super cute, brand new BCBG Paris little black strappy shoes. I was pissed and I had to go back into the house to clean my shoe, making me even later for the party than I already was, which was considerably late. He ruined my fashionably late entrance and instead I got there at the time everyone was inebriated and man I had to do five shots just to catch up. My liver does not appreciate your dog crap.

I have not seen him in a while, and even though my blood boils when I think about it I feel like I cannot just walk over to his house and talk to him about this, I feel like I have to scream at him right after I see him do it. I am now waiting for that perfect opportunity. However today, after seeing yet ANOTHER pile of miniature poo, I saw red and I rebelled in a non-grownup way that I could just not help, one of my hostile personalities’s hijacked my brain. I took my 100lb Rottweiler Rogue over there right after his supper to take a HUGE dump on this mans lawn. One of Rogue’s craps well exceeds his little dog’s quota for the year on my lawn and it gave me more satisfaction then I would have thought to walk away and not clean up after him. He is just so lucky I love my dog so much otherwise I would have fed him a big can of baked beans beforehand; my love saved him that soggy messy pile. I at the very least hope Mr. Ratdog wakes up in the early morning to get his paper and steps in a very large pile of smelly poo. I will go to bed dreaming of that.

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