Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Sushi And Men

Sitting at a great sushi restaurant after my workout with my two single girlfriends the talk generally always turns back to men, how are they if you have them in my case, or how to get one if you don’t have one, like in both of their cases. Lately I have been barraged by my wonderful single girlfriends to set them up on a date or to give them the secrets that they seem to think I have. They want to know how in a city as big and cynical as Los Angeles do they go about finding and marring the man of their dreams. Their questions have left me thinking about how I know a ton of AMAZING, intelligent, beautiful single woman and very few single men. Which in turn led me to look at some statistics AND that was a very depressing hour of research.
The fact is that most women get married in their mid 20’s, for those of us that have not found a man by then the odds of finding a man who is interested in marriage go down exponentially each year. My advice to them was advice that I followed, however correct or weather or not it works who knows.

1. Be confident, most people don’t think that they are amazing, that they are beautiful, that they are happy with how things are in their life but if you can look at the good things, if you can hold yourself high, if you can smile after a hard day then more people will want to be with you. The more people that will want to be with you and around you because you own who you are the more chance you will have at getting dates and finding the man of your dreams. I have more beautiful friends, I am not a supermodel, but I truly believed I got more dates because I was confident, I was happy, I was not looking for a white night to save me, I was independent, I was looking for someone to compliment my life not take care of me. I think that those vibes really helped me when it came to attracting men.

2. Have “hand” as I call it. “Hand” is making sure you have your priorities straight. It’s knowing how much you are “worth” and not for you to not make sacrifices with what you deserve. Don’t play games, keep lines drawn that cannot be crossed, and don’t be a glutton for punishment. I constantly saw friends with people that were stuck in bad cycles, cycles that they were unwittingly contributing to. When you draw a line in the sand and that line continuously is crossed and you continuously keep taking them back. That is a bad pattern that you have to break, send that man back out on the world and spend time looking for the next one that will treat you the way you should be treated.

3. The last point is that I always thought relationships were supposed to be hard, because all my relationships were, of course all those relationships never worked out. When I started dating Colin I was surprised at how easy it was, how we just seemed to fit, and then I realized that with the RIGHT person it could be very easy to be two wholes working together instead of two wholes trying to become to halves another whole. I now think that many relationships in our lives CAN work but that each takes a different amount of effort. Like two magnets trying to be pushed together that have opposite goals is very difficult, but with a lot of concentration and strength they can be FORCED to cohabitate next to each other. My theory is that if you are with someone where things are forced to stay together, that forcing takes a tremendous amount of effort, and that level of effort may be to much to maintain over a long time and I would say impossible to hold if shit is thrown your way, which life often likes to chuck at you.

So there it is in a nutshell, my thoughts and philosophies about dating and finding a mate. I cannot imagine being single, dating, trying to MEET someone. The anxt I had back then, the heartache when a potential partner and I would split seems like a lifetime away. They say the grass is greener on the other side, and although there are things that I will hopefully never experience again, a real crush, the first date, the first kiss, the first I love you, I have someone I get to come home to every day, the best person I have ever met, a man I will have kids with and grow old with, the man that still gives me butterflies in my stomach when he smiles. Mr. Rogue, I love you!

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