Saturday, January 24, 2009

Michigan: The Painful Smell

There is a smell about hospitals a type of antiseptic painful smell that causes my stomach to churn, a smell that reminds me of every person that I have ever loved that has died. Tonight I have the night shift, I cannot sleep, and I watch my grandfather sleep. Every time he takes a rattled breath with a slight pause I wonder if it is the last breath he will ever take and my brain seizes up and I feel like I am going to vomit because the pain is so acute so close to the surface. I wish I could open the windows or whisk him away back home just so I can get out of this nauseating place.

On top of the fact that the smell really is triggering many repressed memories I would rather not think about right now, or ever, I have to deal with my grandfather’s roommate, a roommate that I should really pity. He has had no visitors in the 10 days my grandfather has been sharing a room with him, he is obviously at the hospital which we can all agree on SUCKS, but right now he is snoring so loudly, a wet rattled, oh my god how can he breath through all that snot kind of way and I am gagging every other minute. It isn’t even like I can ignore the sound, or throw on a pair of earphones, I am after all at the hospital in case grandpa needs something, and I cannot just try and tune out the room. And really I don’t even think Marilyn Mansion played at the highest decibel can cover up this freak of nature sound. I am torn between making a ton of noise so he wakes up so he can get a drink of water or SOMETHING or going over there with a large pillow and putting the poor man out of his misery. As the nurse comes around 5 minutes later to take vitals of both the patients and administer pain medication I cannot help but wonder if the doctor could give anything to me so I can sleep through the next 5 days. At least taking the vital signs woke up Mr. Loud Rattled Snoring man and he shifted positions so he is quiet now. I still don’t think I am going to be able to sleep with all this drama making laps in my head. I really do hate hospitals.

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