Monday, January 12, 2009

Just Stop All That Noise

I am a functioning neurotic OCD type of person. One of the things that annoys me beyond ALL THAT IS KNOWN TO ANNOY IN THE WORLD are certain sounds, combinations of sounds, or any sounds when it is quiet time. My auditory sensitivity is particularly acute in some situations, like when I am trying to work. I hate coworkers for breathing, for munching on chips and eating loudly at their desk, for typing, for clicking the mouse, for moving around and disrupting the air. Earphones have been the saviour of my job otherwise I would have Columbine’d everyone’s ass long long ago. I also have a really hard time with noises when I am trying to sleep. The only thing that helps is a loud fan to act as a white noise but even then non approved sounds permeate.

The animals are also a source of constant distress. When Rogue repetitively chews his rawhide bone, the gnawing, the slurping, the ripping is like 90 year old 6 inch nails on a chalkboard. The cats and their constant and repetitive licking make me sometimes leave the room. In my most deeply ashamed moment I once caught myself yelling at the dog for drinking, a state that I knew he had no control over, the dog has to drink but the sound was literally making me spastically twitch on the floor. He looked at me with those sad eyes like oh crazy lady now what are you screaming at. And then I showered him with a million cookies and spent the rest of the day petting him and telling him how beautiful he was.

Mr. Rogue is the other source of my auditory distress and there are a multitude of activities that he is only allowed to do when I am not home. There is shredding the paper, anything and everything that has to do with power drills, the blow dryer and constant crinkling bags. He is the most wonderful husband for keeping this list in his head and planning these activities around my schedule.The biggest problem with my auditory sensitivity is children. I have always wanted kids and a large family but I am so acutely sensitive that I don’t know if this is going to make me a horrible mother. I want to kiss every baby that I see, I want to stroke their porcelain checks and coo into their wonderful smiling faces. That is until they start to scream and throw things and become the spawn of the devil, then I want to lop off their little heads just to make the noise stop. That is what I am worried about the most, this need to silence the noise by any means necessary. Of course I can always tell the lie that every new set of parents needs to tell themselves in order to procreate. ‘My kids will be different’, they will be quiet, they will sleep through the night, and they will listen to mommy.

No comments:

Post a Comment