Thursday, January 15, 2009

The End of My Employment

Today after 3 years at this job I am finally free. The company is closing and I feel a mixture of sadness because my expendable income is now going from super fabulous to super nil and happiness that I will have time to spend with my grandfather who is ill and my parents who are in town for the next two months. So now I join millions of unemployed Americans sitting at home. I hope that I find something that is comparable to what I lost and that I am able to hold onto my home and my quality of life.

There were a lot of terrible things, things that cause my brain to hurt, things that I am going to put down here and then hopefully erase from my consciousness. I am afraid that I can do nothing about my unconsciousness because I am sure these things are burned into it like a big puss-filled scar that has left its mark on the skin.

Things I will not miss about my job:
1. 100 hour work weeks
2. Clients that have taken stupidity pills (they are the blue ones)
3. Clients that seem to have taken classes on how to piss me off because they do it so well
4. Horrible non-design members of the company that tear your designs apart in review after review before it even GETS in front of a client
5. Sleeping at my desk
6. Anything to do with Office 2007 or Vista

Not so favourite client quotes:
1. “Can we make that more blingy, zoomy, add more POW?” – because sound effects help me so much as effective criticism in the design process
2. “Can’t we do a flashing button to purchase because I heard that makes people want to click.” – nothing flashing is ok, unless you are on prostitute row in Germany, then I think it may be expected
3. “Make the whole site flash and sparkle.” – only if it is a site for Malibu Barbie will that ever be allowed
4. “I cannot have the website green I would never paint my kitchen that color!” – your personal design style and what color you would want your kitchen matters to me and your consumer how?
5. “Lets make the user take a survey before they can get onto our site.” – uh you have not even started conversation with the client – that is like asking a complete stranger to get married which is ok if you are Brad Pitt but a reality check you are no where near as hot as Brad
6. “Put this 174 word disclaimer on the front page.” – sure I will just cram it in between the 17 buttons and the ads you made me stick onto the homepage
7. “I want a 10 minute intro to the website, if no one wants to watch it they will just click the skip button.” – seriously I am not even going into why this is terrible

Although there were a lot of terrible things that come along with a job, any job, there are also things that I will remember fondly.

I will miss my work family. After spending most of my day with them they stared to grow on me. They are people that I had to interact with, be nice to, and somehow not kill, there were lots of politics, there were always people I loved, people I could care less about and people I almost hated. I was however mostly fortunate to have a great work family and I will miss not coming in and seeing them every day.

Things I will miss about my job:
1. There was this woman who came to freelance on a huge project, she hero worshiped me and loved doing anything to please. She was one of my favourite freelancers. Because this project was difficult and super hard I started being referred to as not human, or a robot, or my personal favourite wonder woman. Because the freelancer was forever at my side asking how she could help, if there was more work, or could I please just throw her a scrap of affection she started being referred to as wonder woman’s sidekick. Coming into work one day I found this attached to my computer…

I kept it as a reminder that I am amazing and that there are a lot of people in this world who are sidekicks but I will always be wonder woman.
2. A project that had gotten pulled to another office for political reasons was tanking, I was called in last minute to fly to San Francisco to somehow help them not totally tank. In the 72 hours that I was there they managed to steal my ideas and present them to the client as their own, although that SUCKED it did gain me respect and recognition with people that mattered which facilitated my promotion 6 months later.
3. Comments with my love/hate relationship co-worker that kept long nights somewhat sane with his humour
- There’s no place like home
- Web kit in a box
- Say my name
- Kick me in the Jimmy

One of the best things from losing my job aside from the fact that I no longer have to work, well at least until I find another job, is the fact that the whole office is closing which means that there is TONS of stuff that the company does not want. Oh my little pat-rack heart soars at the thought of adding more stuff to the considerable mountain of stuff I already own. Thank god for my husband who put a whole kibosh on bringing home too much.

We did however get a gift from our CEO who visited today and let each of us know that he would turn the other way if we decided we would like to keep our workstations. I was thrilled with this because my workstation consisted of a G5, two PCs each with two monitors and a laptop. All in all it was a treasure trove of wonderful goodness. I will keep a few of the things (especially my new G5) but the rest I will gift away to friends and family. Don’t you wish your friend was hot like me.

After my co-workers and I lugged our slightly illegal contraband we headed off across the street for our farewell send-off to the company along with every other worker that was interested in the booze and the networking. I was meeting at the bar to say goodbye to the company. I was really not in the mood to go. I was emotionally drained from the day and I really was not interested in playing nice with everyone who had work. However I dragged myself figuring the hour of kissing butt would probably do me good in the long run looking for a new job. I ended up staying for two and a half hours and then tired I left to spend some time with my husband as tomorrow I will be off to San Francisco for the weekend.

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