Monday, January 26, 2009

Thin Fragile Line

There are layers of things under the surface, like a thin fragile lines between other levels of consciousness that open up when you experience things. As you grow up and gain more experience, move to different levels of being, you learn new things; some good things like graduating college, marriage, love, and the birth of a healthy beautiful child. And then there are the bad levels; death, betrayal, and disasters you have no control over. You find places and things that I never knew existed.

When I was younger I never thought I was weak, I never understood people who were weak. I thought that they faced adversity and lost, just rolled over and gave up, I know now that I was VERY VERY wrong. I have to live my life now with the constant fear that someone else is going to die, they are going to just stop breathing and die, and I don’t recognize myself because after grief like this I became someone else, someone I don’t recognise, a stranger in my own skin. There is no going back, no matter how much I want to. I wish I could forget, go back, but I can’t.

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