Halloween Obsession

Halloween has always appealed to the artist in me, to the child in me, I will spend months envisioning, hours sewing, and many scavenger hunts to find the right materials in order to get the best costume. It seems I am a little like that movie with Tom Hanks “Big” where I am never going to grow up, at least in this instance.

I have to say a lot of the blame could be laid at the door of my mother who started my love for costumes and goblins and everything Halloween. Here I am at age 7 or 8 dressed as a little Indian girl.


Indian Girl


ME AGE 7ISH - INDIAN GIRL - STERLING HEIGHTS, MICHIGAN


Helga the Goddess of War


ME AGE 21 - PITTSBURGH, PENNSYLVANIA


A Peacock

ME AGE 22 - MICHIGAN STATE, MICHIGAN

Queen of Hearts

ME AGE 29 - GARDENA, CALIFORNIA

Halloween in California at Mrs. O.C.'s Party post wedding 2008 – Hansel and Gretel

We had just arrived from our honeymoon the day before. I had pre-bought our costumes ahead of time (something that I cringe from like I do snakes or the fact that my food is touching) but with the wedding and our honeymoon there was NO WAY I was going to have time to create costumes for Mr. Rogue and I. So I broke down and ordered them off the internet. Of course Mr. Rogue's was a bit snug and mine even worse so minor alterations took up my whole day, but now don’t we look adorable all tan and cute as Hansel and Gretel.

Hansel and Gretel

ME AGE 30 - REDONDO BEACH, CA

Although I am sad that I missed decorating the house and passing out the candy this year I am not to sad because POOR ME was sitting on a beach on a tropical island high off the fresh air and drunk off the all you can drink pina coladas.

Aruba: Getting Back Home

Mr. Rogue had to drag me away from that resort kicking and screaming and calling bloody murder because it was paradise, paradise without all the crappie world sweeping in to but its face in your business. I had the most wonderful time with my new husband and we will defiantly be returning on an anniversary in the future. Gloriously tan with a healthy radiance to our eyes because GASP we have been out of work for 3 weeks I finally realize what it really means to be happy. This is the photo we took on the plane on the way home.


COLIN AND I ON THE PLANE BACK TO LOS ANGELES

Aruba: The Power Of Goals

The weather here has been amazing and we could not have asked for more, unfortunately today we woke up to a morning rain and since we are leaving tomorrow we decided to use the enforced inside time to organize our bags after breakfast. So over a 3 hour period the rain had stopped just in time for our bags to be finished packing. So we grabbed our suits to pick up the last bits of sunrays and to fulfill a mission I have wanted to do since we arrived. We were going to walk up and down the beach until I found a Divi Divi tree so I can get a photo of this Aruba tree. So Mr. Rogue and I walked, we walked in the blazing sun up the beach, I forced him to walk around brush and on coral bits of rocks. He really does love me. I was happy my tenacity was finally rewarded when I got a perfect shot of a Divi Divi tree.


DIVI DIVI TREE

The walk back was even worse then the walk to the tree, at least when you are walking towards something you have something to look forward to, a goal to succeed in. On the way back it was hot, I was walking on coral rocks that were jabbing into my feet like horrible needles and I was on the border of crying. And then I had a thought, a wonderful thought to keep me going and give me something to look forward to, there was tubs of liqueur and a wonderful pool waiting not more than an hour walk away, I was going to make it, I have a new goal.

Being our last day we have one more dinner reservation and we had originally scheduled on the first day the extra reservation at the Italian restaurant (which was the woman who helped us make our reservations favourite) however on the last day we decided to change it to our favourite meal the Mexican restaurant. Because the margaritas are amazing and the food is so great. I wish I could bring back home a little of the yummy goodness found in this restaurant.


MR. ROGUE OD'ING ON AMAZING MEXICAN

Aruba: Exploring The Island

Today is adventure extravaganza followed by dinner at the Japanese restaurant which we hear is amazing. And after the past 7 days of rest and relaxation I am ready to tackle this island and get out of the resort cage. After we grab breakfast and make it to the lobby in time for the bus to pick us up to go to the location of the excursion, I start getting less crabby and more excited to start our day. We get paired with another newlywed couple and they offer to drive which is BONUS because then we can spend more time enjoying the sites, I think by the end of the 4 hour trip the woman was a little annoyed that we did not offer to take over when she pointy and not very stubbly suggested that maybe one of us take a turn driving. We can be very obtuse when we choose to, like when we don’t want to put forth any effort.


SUBMERGED SUBMARINE

The first sight we saw was just a drive by, a boat that is half submerged in the water, a boat the islanders purposefully sunk off into sea and then it came back to shore soon after. It was not super exciting.


LIGHTHOUSE

The second sight we saw was the lighthouse that has been there for over 100 years originally manned by a lonely lighthouse keeper in a beautiful home overlooking the ocean on a bluff where you can see a good majority of the rest of the island. Within the past 20 years they have upgraded to a digitally run lighthouse and have since fired the lighthouse keeper, bummer for him.


MISSIONARY CHURCH ON THE HILL

A church built over 120 years ago by a missionary bent on bringing Christianity to the few islanders. Few people because Aruba cannot support much in the way of crops and food so they have to import almost everything from the mainland. I really liked the smallness of the church, how quaint it is, how it is on so many acres of land it is on, and the feeling that there have been a lot of special events here, there is a deep history here, it is very peaceful I may make a nest and stay.


COLIN AND I ON THE GOLD MINE ROOF

Supposedly there was a huge boom of gold found on the island some 60 years ago and that boom resulted in a lot of mining and drilling. The building is now in ruins and the vistas are amazing, there is a lot of opportunity for some great photos here.


NATURAL BRIDGE

There are a few natural bridges on the island and this was one of them the others have all caved in and this one is serving as the attraction for all of us tourists. This is our last stop and then we are off to snorkelling.

After our off road trip we are now on our way to the island of snorkelling we are pretty beat and to be honest the coral is mostly dead, there are a lot of fish but I see much of the same kinds. I have been spoiled by our trip to the Philippines where the un-commercialized underdeveloped pristine coral that was so beautifully alive it felt like you were in a whole new world. That was not what we unfortunately experienced in Aruba. After only about an hour I was so exhausted that we decided to bail out and just sit in the sun with a drink, this is so much more my style.


JAPANESE RESTAURANT MAGICIAN

After our long day in the heat and sun I feel very tired and really want to climb into bed and skip dinner, I am so glad my new husband kicked my butt and threw me in the shower because that meal was AMAZING. We were seated at a table with 3 other couples and the hot pan with our own chef. He was super talented and wonderful doing a lot of tricks and making us laugh. What a wonderful ending to a busy and interesting day.

Aruba: Getting Old

So because I am a super picky eater and nothing really pleases me unless I get exactly what I want to eat I have been moving to other alternatives for breakfast and I had an epiphany today that I think my breakfast of choice for the past three days of baguette and cheese is effecting my system, effecting it in the most unpleasant I want to rip out my stomach and intestines if I hurl one more time kind of way. Which is not a really pleasant feeling EXPECIALLY on your honeymoon.

I am slowly coming to the conclusion that I am becoming lactose intolerant. Married only 8 days and already I am breaking down. I told Mr. Rogue that he can’t return me; I have a ring to prove it. So as I lay prostrate in cramped position on the bathroom floor and curse the day my mother conceived me I swear I will never ever touch a dairy product again.

Aruba: Choosing The Gift

Today we went to downtown Aruba and the architecture of some of the buildings of Swedish design. One of the most beautiful was a large central mall in the center of downtown. Of course it was painted a hideous pink color but I loved the frills and accents.


DOWNTOWN ARUBA, THE CENTER OF THE MALL


BEAUTIFUL SWEEDISH ARCHITECTURE

My main goal for visiting the downtown area aside from checking out the scenery is to find my wedding gift from Mr. Rogue. Originally I was hoping for rubies but the quality and price that they had was not good so I started thinking about other things. I found the most lovely glass designer called Lladro here is a photo.


BEAUTIFUL WOMAN ON A BRANCH

They are so beautiful but the style would not fit inside my house so I passed on for something else.

An hour later we walked into a jewellery store and I fell in love with a strand of pale pink pearls, they were gorgeous and I was so happy that they were in our price range (well mine not my husbands).


WEDDING GIFT, PEARL NECKLACE

Aruba: Born Free

The human race was born as animals to wander free in the fresh air, to frolic in the field, and to swim in the ocean. Not more than 100 years ago we were tilling the fields and growing our own food and living off the land. Now we are a bunch of fat pampered princesses each stuck high on our own royal throne. My royal throne is a aron chair behind a computer desk, sitting on my butt for 9 hours a day in front of my computer and then another 2 hours in traffic, under florescent lights staring at monitor all day. No the way exactly I think nature intended it. The saddest thing is that most of the time I don’t even notice how unhappy my body is until I go away for a while and then I realize how my skin sings with all the fresh air, that the fog lifts from my brain and I realize this is what it feels like to be free. God I really wish I could be free all the time and not just for these brief three weeks. Right now I am just going to take what I can get and be happy. At least the view is to die for.

MY VIEW OF THE SUNSET IN ARUBA

Aruba: A Beach Read

I come from a background where reading was highly encouraged and that TV was discouraged to the point that our time was monitored and we were given small bits at a time, sort of the equivalent of Meth addicts we were given the smallest dosage possible to keep us happy. When I was young I did not know any different. I did not know really that we were so under par with all the other kids in the neighbourhood. I think I first noticed that other people kept their TV’s on all the time at my girlfriend’s house. I think I noticed it because this case was the extreme opposite of my house. They had not one or two TV’s on but three so her father could watch every game at the same time. I found it annoying and disconcerting to have so much going on at one time and to this day I cannot stand the fact that some people seem to crave television on in the background of their home lives, like they need to fill in the quiet with noise.

Therefore it was imperative that I find a partner that had hobbies and liked to read and did not sit in front of the TV 24-7. I also like to add as a bonus I was looking for a man who did not obsess over football and then if I really wanted to stretch the bonus that he not be interested in any type of sports at all. I thank god every day that not only were my imperative priorities (mostly) filled but that I found a man that fulfilled all of my bonus needs as well.

One thing I have been working on with Mr. Rogue is to start to read for pleasure. He was not opposed to it and there were a lot of very pleasant time on the beach spent reading our novels. One of the most wonderful thing I love about him is that if you make a good enough argument for something he will start to do it and once he starts then he is very good about following through with it. I love that about him. Sometimes you want your partner to go like this and they go like that, but on those rare instances when you can make a strong enough suggestion at a time where their brain is willing to be lead then wonderful things can happen.


COLIN READING ON THE BEACH IN ARUBA

Aruba: Love Of Photography

The most wonderful thing about being in a couple is learning to share and grow into each other, to gain new insights about who you are, and to expand yourself further to a new you. Mr. Rogue has a love of photography that has only grown as the years have progressed and because many hours of my vacations with him has been dedicated to watching him stop every 2 feet to take another photo, irritated me to no end. There are two forms of ways I can go from here. 1. I can try to force him to cut back dramatically OR option 2. I can grow into his hobby so his hobby becomes mine. Last July I finally bought a small handheld camera and this vacation is the first one where we both get to try to do a synchronized photography and it worked out WONDERFULLY. Not only am I enjoying taking photos of my vacation it helps that everything is from my perspective, from my eyes, and I am learning to use my photos on this blog in order to keep track of my life.

Aruba: First Honeymoon Day

We arrived in the middle of the night so we did not get to really get to see anything about the hotel other than the small room and the fact that our beach view is actually that of a parking lot. We get up and then try to learn the lay of the land. There are things we need to do like make our reservations before they all fill up, and find out where we go for food. Breakfast was good, they had a wide Americanized buffet of food. This is WONDERFUL because I was afraid I was going to spend my entire honeymoon like I was in the Philippines, with a crap load of food that I am sure even maggots would hate.

After breakfast we ran to the beach and grabbed drinks and just sat in the sun all day doing nothing. It was one of the best days of my life.

I Am Not A Good Packer

Much to Mr. Rogue's dismay I am not one of those light packers, not one of those women who can survive with just a small duffle bag of essentials. I need to pack everything I may need and multiple changes of clothes in any one given day and even though LOGICALLY I know I will be only gone for 10 days I have to pack everything. Because watch I am all the way across the world and I had only packed enough things to get me through every day, those people with their planned outfits I really do respect them, however that is not me because I need to feel the outfit. I put on something new and I feel wonderful. I need outfits that speak to the mood I am in, maybe it is because I am an artist, maybe it is because my I use my clothes as an outer expression of how I feel. So we leave for Aruba with 4 large suitcases, 4 suitcases each weighing about 50 lbs and three of those suitcases are mine. I think one may be filled with shoes.

Plane Jumping

Today we got home from the wedding week extravaganza and I am so glad I put in buffer time between the wedding and the honeymoon. Too many plane flights give me a headache not unlike what I imagine a very large aneurism feels like. So we land in Los Angeles today at 4 and then goody tomorrow we go back to the airport for our flight to Aruba through Miami. So in two days we get to fly about 30 hours. So for one night I get to go home and sleep in my own bed and revel that soon I will be on a beach sipping a pina colada, holding my husbands hand and watching the sun light up the sky with color.

The Day After

So the wedding is over, we got through the morning breakfast and I no longer have to be the hostess of the party. The last thing of the long 7 day extravaganza before we set off for the honeymoon is going to grandpas house to spend time with my new nephew and to dig through the mountain of cards and gifts and some quality time with my family before I head off back to the other side of the US. The baby is adorable, loveable, husky smiley little man, grandpa is ESTATIC there is a boy born to carry on the family name and that he is still alive to see his line go on. There is a quiet comfortableness in Grandpa’s house with my family all around, like everything in this moment is perfect, my new husband by my side, and my new nephew in my arms.

Going through the mountain of cards with well wishing from all my family and friends, and then counting all the money that we now have to spend on our honeymoon is SOOOOO EXCITING. Some of my favourite wedding gifts is the Waterford Crystal frame from my brother Mr. Lambchop and his wife that I am going to put in the computer room so I can see it every day. The other is a little weird, it was the by far the heaviest gift we had ever gotten, as we unwrapped the paper and opened the box it was a large square stone, upon reading the directions we found out it was a salt block that you heat in the oven and then set on the table and cook things on, perfect for a dinner party. I cannot wait to eat thin heated beef crispy and salty off my new heated salt block. Now don’t be jealous if you are really good maybe I will invite you to the next dinner party and you can try the yummy goodness for yourself.

The Big Day

So I am obsessive and a perfectionist and I love to plan everything down to the very last detail. So following certain wedding customs to bring good luck and happiness today is on my list of things to obsess over. Mr. Rogue and I are not going to see each other before the wedding no matter how practical it is to get pictures done beforehand, he will not see my wedding dress before our big day and I will be incorporating something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue. Unlike everything else for my wedding I have decided to obsess over this last custom and to not think too much about what things I will use for the wedding. I left it to fate and two special people stepped up to fill in this.



Something New: Obviously something new is taken care of with my dress and basically everything else on my body but the rest I am hoping to walk into I didn’t want to force it and I wanted the things I used to mean something.



Something Old + Something Blue: My Aunt Babydoll stepped up with a handkerchief a blue and white one from my grandmother who passed away a few years ago. We were super close, I was her favourite and the gift my aunt gave was so beautiful it made me cry.



Something Old + Something Borrowed + Something Blue: My friend Ms. Pool Shark let me borrow her blue bracelet that is also very old.

I am so grateful for my family and friends. This wedding custom was so much more special left open and fulfilled by fate.

Cider Mill

In an attempt to keep all the out of town guests busy until the big day I have arranged an outing to the local Cider Mill. Yates is a local attraction in the fall, something I did every year, from the time I can remember until 18, when I escaped Michigan. The cider mill grows its own apples, then juices them with an old ancient presser, the cider that they make is pure and wonderful. They also make donuts, not just donuts but little nuggets of love put into a crispy crunchy ecstasy filled shell.


MR. ROGUE AND I WITH THE ANCIENT APPLE PRESS BEHIND US

Upon entering the Mill we were greeted with childish delight at the wooden board of farm animals with their faces cut out so we could put in our own. I think we spent 20 minutes arguing over which animal each of us were going to be and swapping with the various members of our group with the phototaker. I really do love this shot!



We ended up with a small crowd, some of Mr. Rogue’s groomsmen and Ms. Dancer, Ms. Dancer’s sister, her friend, and Mr. Rogue and I. Here we are indulging in the estacy that the Cider Mill provides.



After we ate we took a long walk down the river under the gloriously beautiful fall trees. I forget, living in Los Angeles, that the world can be so gloriously ablaze with color. It was so wonderful in these final days before the wedding to take this moment of calm quiet, to get to know my fiancee's friends better and to spend some time revealing in the beauty of nature.

Walking away from the old barn I glanced over my shoulder and I was assaulted with memories of my childhood, memories of me on my fathers shoulders, smiling up at the sun under the fall leaves as we walked down the river sipping our liquid nectar and munching our little nuggets of love.

Last Meal As A Single Girl

Our rehearsal and rehearsal dinner made everything feel really real. After all the coordinating of tiny details and micromanaging every aspect of the wedding weekend the first of the “official wedding events” of our wedding weekend was here and I am so excited. The rehearsal at the church went really well even if it was a little fly by the seat of our pants. There was a lot of tiny details that John (our minister) Mr. Rogue and I had to work out. But everyone did really well and we were able to get a successful walkthrough completed in time. Afterward we held a dinner at the Brewery which was hosted by Mr. Rogue’s parents. We had a set menu and the food was delicious. We had about 30 of our wedding party, their dates, and our closest family members. We were trying to keep it small but that is what you get for having a large wedding party. Although I was mostly full of nerves on our wedding eve it was super nice to enjoy the time with my family and friends and not have to worry about wedding planning anymore.

As I kissed my fiancée for the last time and with glee said “We are getting married tomorrow!” he hugged me and off I skipped to my celibate bed with my maid of honour to keep me calm. And as I drift off to sleep I dream of my prince in shining armour.

Pre Wedding Dave And Busters

Today is the day I get to meet the people who have all been such a large part of Mr. Rogue’s past. People who he has such a history with, and if I am honest I admit that I am nervous that I will be to different and that they will think I will not measure up. Those fears were ungrounded and after 10 minutes I felt like I fit into this tight nit group. Analyzing them, their stories about Mr. Rogue makes me learn so much more about him and appreciate who he is and reaffirms my choice.

A President Or Not A President

Aside from the fact that I think Macain is CRAZY I found a new thing to hate today. Ok so he has started on this new kick Joe the Plumber (uh not gonna cut it man just stop now) although I kind of like he is signing his own death sentence with his constantly changing policies and his newest attempt to regain shaky footing (i.e. trying to get one more vote with Joe the Plumber - I wonder if he is now the MOST famous plumber ever, he sure got the air time. Anyways the newest thing to annoy me - the man cannot stop blinking his eyes. At first I thought it was a glitch and once I realized it was a nervous tick I had to announce to the whole room this fact (I know diabolical, if I have to suffer misery loves company). Which then is all the rest of the room could concentrate on for a few minutes, my father, mother, finance and grandpa.

Macain also has said the craziest things about Obama. His campaigns are constantly personally attacking him, and even during the debate Macain always tried to pull the conversation down and NOT talk about what I felt he was weak on, the actual politics. How Obama has responded for the most part has been, for lack of a better word, presidential. GOD I HOPE Obama wins and we don’t end up with another incompetent president in our white house.

Grandpas And How Special They Are

I am cursed or blessed with a hour long commute to work, cursed because 2 hours of my day is sucked up in traffic, traffic that drives me ABSOULTLY crazy. No matter how relaxed I am when I leave home within 5 minutes of my dainty heels leaving pushing the gas of my car I start getting aggravated like a boiling pot. I am blessed because I found a way to take my lemons to make lemonade. I have traded my 2 day 2 hour hell and instead of screaming out my window to people on the road who were born this morning and did not take driving classes I instead use my time to keep in touch with my family and friends that are out of state. My parents and my grandfather are the ones that get the brunt of my phone calls and they tend to take on a sameness that is comforting. My parents and I talk about EVERYTHING and anything that has gone on in the past. My grandfather and I have a conversation that generally is the same. Our conversations shift in the order but not the topic. First we talk about weather, then his lawn in the summer or leaves in the fall or snow in the winter, then we talk about American Idol or Dancing with the Stars depending on which is running at the time, and then we talk about what I have been doing, the PG-13 version. The sameness is comforting, our pattern is established and in this small way we are both comfortable in the relationship we have.

Michigan: Soul Mates

Today we land in Michigan for our wedding week, we have plans to meet Mr. + Mrs. Bitch for dinner. They are wonderful as always, we go to a nice steak dinner in downtown Ann Arbour, our conversation is fluid and entertaining, and then back to their place for drinks and games. There is a comfortable relationship between Mrs. Bitch and I that has lived through the vacation our friendship took. I am grateful for the wonderful friends that I have in my life, I just wish they all lived within a 5 mile radius.

Keep Thoughts In Cage

Waking up this morning to the light streaming into the room, rolling over to kiss my wonderful fiancée, a only 7 day more fiancée, I grin in satisfaction at some of the things that are going well in my life. Not that everything is good but I am trying REALLY REALLY hard not to even let those thoughts escape the very dark cage that I have locked in the corner of my soul, hopefully if I leave those things back there long enough they will shrivel and die. One can pray. So wake up, ignore dark and twisty thoughts, and concentrate on happily ever after.

Mrs. Bulldog's Wedding

I woke up today, on my friends wedding day in confusion. Because as I pried my unwilling body from my comfy nest of a bed the temperature was off, it was off and it was COLD. It has been beautiful forever, I mean this is California, but today sadly there was defiantly a nip in the air. We headed off early for the wedding because we had to pick up a friend and to slide over to pick up my wedding dress because it was FINALLY FINISHED. As I pranced out of Mon Amie, skipping behind the wedding sales attendant carrying my large pink covered dress, I was filled with such elated joy, it was like I was just promoted vice president of fantasy land.

The location of the wedding was beautiful all outside and I was very thankful that I had grabbed my winter jacket. As I huddled in its warmth, holding Mr. Rogue’s hand we glanced at each other and he whispered “That will be as in one week”. I was so happy in that shining moment. It is these moments that chase away the dark and twisty sadness.

Mrs. Bulldog was beautiful, he could not take his eyes off her and they were both ecstatically happy and that is all that really matters.

Mrs. Bulldog’s Last Single Girl Night

Ah Mrs. Bulldog’s last night as a single girl, the day before her wedding and the girls all got together to drink wine, laugh, and relax in the hot tub. Thank god because I really need to get drunk and drown my sorrows in a bottle of wine. I got there late, because at work today, GASP, I actually had work to do. So I could not just sneak out early like I have been doing unfortunately. So I got out later then I wanted which put me in the CRAP LA traffic time where no sane person should be on the road. Halfway there I almost lose it due to the idiot fat freak stuffing his face with donuts who almost hits me because he is to fat or too distracted to turn his head and check his blind spot. Getting to the party I can finally relax with my friends and hopefully drown the horrible voices in my head, drown them with liquor, drown them with laughs, drown them with wonderful people that make me feel more whole.

The Shoes Bite The Dust

Dress fittings are not that exciting – they pin you up, yank on your body, stick you with pins SUPPOSEDLY by accident, tell you that your torso is to short, your neck could be a bit longer, or we have to change the dress again because it just is not right here and that will cost another $200.00 and your first born child. But this last fitting made all the others worth it. My dress was done and it was gorgeous, just a few minor things had to be fixed, I was wearing the jewellery, had my hair back, and even had the shoes on (so she could make sure the hem was ok). An hour of standing still though and a sad realization hit me. I was uncomfortable, my feet were killing me. And that is when I realized that the perfect shoes, the ones that took me so long to find, the centerpiece in my mind of the wedding day attire, the shoes no one would see but I would know they were there, the shoes I would NEVER get to wear on my wedding day.

The Boat Sails In

There was a boat that hung in my parents home as I grew up. I spent years curled up on the couch looking at it hang over the fireplace. I never forgot that boat and when I moved away to college and when my parents sold our house and had to downsize I knew I wanted it. After a few years of it being passed to various family members my mother finally was able to mail me the boat. I was never more excited to get a package in the mail than today. My husband hung it in our family room which coincidentally has a beach/ocean theme. It is very gratifying to see this boat that has a host of memories that is now hanging in my home.

Girlfriends

Finding new girlfriends in your 30s is difficult something to the equivalent of shoving a car through the eye of a needle. When you find one, a good one, one that you hope you can grow old with you have to do the dance, kind of like dating. And it is much harder with women then it is with men. Having moved to two separate states than where I grew up I have been able to have the joy of being forced to find new circles of girlfriends, and as I get older as I am sure it is with dating it is harder and harder to make connections with people. Is it because I am getting older, more picky, I have less time to hang out with friends so therefore I am more picky about who I talk to.

There is a woman in my S class that I love, we talked we worked out and then we had dinner. Our conversation was wonderful, she is wonderful and I am hoping that I have met a new best friend.

BBBS 1 - First Time Out

There should be no reason to worry so much about hanging out with a child for a few hours. I mean there are millions of parents out there that do it, millions of people that do it without being able to walk and chew gum at the same time, this should be cake work. Yet I am trying to plan a million things to keep her occupied, going over conversations in my head to keep her busy.

After many different choices of events and things to do along with running to Vegas for the night (hey that is what I wanted to do), I decided to keep it simple. We went to CVS and picked out nail polish, came to my house and played with Rogue which she totally got a kick out of and then painted each others nails. I am glad we did this it was an intimate thing you do with close friends, she is shy and I think it really helped to break the ice. After we ran to subway and ate. Most of the night the conversation was stinted it was basically me throwing questions left and right and her just answering them. Thank goodness for the prep work because I had a list a million and one long, and I think I used every single one.

The best part of the night was swinging by Baskin Robins for Ice Cream, I had Mouse Tracks and Ms. Little had mint chocolate chip. Once the cones where in our hands I did not have to worry about conversations, the drippy yummy cold goodness took all our attention. Still midway through I caught her glancing shyly at me, and I did something my mother does, something I did not even think about it was impulse, I dug my nose in my ice cream and we laughed until we could barely breath.

Smile With Your Eyes

Americas next top model – I think of myself as a pretty intelligent woman, I don’t like to watch tv, but for some reason I LOVE America’s Next Top Model. I have seen every issue of Americas, Australia’s, AND Brittan’s. I think there is something wrong with my brain. But when Tyra shows me one smile and it is ok and then she shows me the other when she is ‘smiling with her eyes’, TYRA I totally see it. You go girl! I have been practicing and I think I got it just right. Practice makes perfect.

16 Years Old For The Day

For the last day and a half at the age of 30 I have revisited my pimply, bad hair, anxt 16 year old self. Trying to be cool, trying to make friends with Mr. Rogue’s new family, I connect and began dialogues with my soon-to-be 17 year old niece. She had uploaded some photos that her boyfriend had taken that were really cool. I downloaded one and without thinking photo retouched it, basically I just enhanced the colors a little and lightened the under eye smudges we all have. Now I have photo retouched MANY of my girlfriends in the past who RAVED over how wonderful I was with my super cool talent and with that knowledge behind me I pistol-whipped out the photo-retouching tools of magic on her photo and re-uploaded it on my MySpace page and dropped her a comment to check it out. Here is the original photo:



A day goes by and then her feeling on her Facebook page becomes “Completely offended and utterly disgusted”! Oh NO before I even meet the girl I have completely offended her and now when I meet her the day before the wedding everything is going to be horrible and weird. So as my palms sweat and my blood levels soar I worriedly take down the photo I retouched and change my Facebook feeling to “I did something that I thought was cool but maybe it was not” hoping that she would see that, see how sorry I was, and leave it at that. Then the next day I log on to find this photo of her cartoon smiley face staring at me with laser beam eyes through the monitor. Teenage anxiety and hormones go raging through my body. I immediately send her an apology MySpace message and then I almost decide to delete my profile I am so mortified. Instead I vow to NEVER TO USE THE INTERNET AGAIN!



After speaking with Ms. Pool Shark and concluding that I could not ignore the situation because, like I did to the noise in my car when instead of checking it out I just turned up the radio and my tire popped, I would have to see her in a few weeks and wouldn’t I rather get this worked out now then the day before my wedding. And after 8 hours off the internet I was reacting like I had been away from my Cocaine a little to long, I logged onto my account to see her reply to my apology. And wouldn’t you know it was nothing about me, why I always think everything is about me, instead it was a drama going on between her and someone else, my future mother in law. Someone else had said she resembled a prostitute with all that makeup on which started my niece going off and retaliating, which caused me to misinterpret messages that were meant for her, which caused about 40 ulcers in my stomach within 36hours and the 90210 situation I was dealing with. Beware the internet is a VERY dangerous place. And it isn’t like I can even tell anyone about especially her because you cannot hand over that kind of power to a teenager, the kind of power that makes a grown woman sob on her future husbands shoulder for an hour because of an imagined war with her future niece.

Book Club - "The 19th Wife"

Today for book club we meet at Mrs. O.C.’s house, and the book I really liked. I really enjoy being part of a book club because you get exposed to so many different subjects. Things you would have rather chucked into the trash thinking I would never read that suddenly become a novel you would recommend to family and friends.

The book resonated with many of the people in the club, both good and bad, which always creates the most interesting sessions. Sometimes we gossip more than we discuss what the book was about. The “19th Wife” by David Ebershoff, is about one woman’s life in the Mormon culture, who became a polygamist wife, and then dedicated her life to ridding the US of polygamy and a murder mystery story that intertwines in between each other giving many people avenues of interest to keep them enthralled. Using many different narrative voices to tell the story we get a really great insight into the plethora of feelings about polygamy and the various reactions to what it has done to their lives. I especially like the cult aspect of the polygamist Mormons, and how one man with charisma and leadership could mold a group of people into his religious followings. With the recent stories of polygamist cults in the papers and Mrs. Cutie Pie's childhood roots living in Utah within a polygamist environment this novel was a fascinating blend of fact and fiction and I felt like I can really relate on a deeper level to the characters.

Turning 30 Is A Bitch

Normally I am so on top of things but for my birthday this year I was being a bit of a procrastinator mainly because I had no idea what I wanted. I ended up deciding to do something low key and go to El Fornio, one of my favourite Italian restaurants. No heavy drinking, no party just a quiet dinner with good friends. We had a wonderful time, I ordered Gnocchi my favourite Italian dish of the moment. I swear I could eat that EVERY SINGLE DAY OF THE YEAR.

Turning 30 I feel older, more grown up, with the house, the marriage, Mr. + Mrs. O.C.'s impending baby, and the stress of the past two years that has made me age 10, I revel at the wonderful people I have in my life that have kept me upright and a semi functional human being.

Mr. Rogue gave me such a beautiful gift this year for my Birthday. It is a red crystal necklace and earrings. He knows I cannot wait for my gifts and gave it to me first thing in the morning. And as I wear my jewellery and parade around in my white sweater, pink pj pants, and pink clogs with Mr. Rogue’s eyes staring at me filled with his love I feel I am the most beautiful and lucky woman in the world.

I Should Have Been Born A Californian

I remember when I first moved to LA, broken but excited for the future. It took me a while to get used the bumper to bumper traffic, the noise, the people. But now I love this city like I do an old friend. You either love LA or you hate it. I have yet to run into someone who is in between. For me it is defiantly love.



I was 25 years old and had just graduated college, got out of a bad relationship that I thank god I walked away from and survived pretty much intact, and now had moved to the mecca of sunshine. I took a break when I first got here. I was staying with friends (free) and I was mentally exhausted so I spent six weeks living at the beach every day, going out every night, and living my life on plastic. I went crazy with the freedom, the weather and being young. I feel like I found who I really am here, I found my people.

Keeping Up With The Jones

Me: “How are you feeling you look green.”
Mr. Rogue: “It was a long week I guess I will be ok.”
Me: “Are you going to ask Mr. O.C. to come here or go over there?”
Mr. Rogue: “He has a keg and a big TV.”
Me: “So you are going over there for the keg and TV?”
Mr. Rogue: “We could get a keg.”
Me: “We can get a keg when I get an unlimited budget to shop.”
Mr. Rogue: “That is not going to happen anytime soon.”
Me: “That is what I thought. Have fun at Mr. O.C.’s.”

Confessions of a Shop-aholic

I stopped by Anthropology today to check out their fall line and fell in love with the most amazing perfect grey purse, and I have been looking for one to match my Enzo Angilino Boots I got last month. Other than the fact that it is a bit on the heavy side this purse visually was what I wanted so I brought it home. Hopefully it won’t break my shoulder.

Done With Dating Forever

As I get closer and closer to my wedding day I am finding that I am thinking about all the wonderful and not so wonderful things that I will no longer need to worry about as a married woman, and reflecting on past relationships and why I thank GOD they did not work out.

Mr. Pittsburgh probably the only man I dated that I seriously considered marrying was a COMPLETE NUTCASE and I was stupid, insane, and obviously very sick to have stayed with him for so long. It wasn’t until I realized that when he yelled and screamed at me and took my car keys and blocked the door so I could not leave him that this was just Chapter One in our crazy relationship of ‘Multiple reasons I am completely insane’ and by Chapter 12: throwing him out and him getting really stalker creepy that I had a vision of myself 10 years from now, haggard beyond my 35 years with my 4 kids running out of our trailer in the middle of the night trying to start our one and only broke down ghetto car because he had beat me senseless AGAIN, that this was not the relationship that I pictured when I was young of my happily ever after.

I overheard a conversation in the kitchen at work today between two twenty something girls, the one was sobbing incessantly into a napkin crying bloody murder about her rats ass cheating boyfriend as her companion patted her shoulder consolingly and they traded horrible men stories and horrible me could not help but internally smile. Not at their obvious pain because believe me I have already been there and put in my time before God decided I had as much as I could stand and sent me the perfect man, but at the fact that HOPEFULLY if I don’t royally screw up my marriage I will never have to talk about my horrible cheating rats ass boyfriend. And that is such a wonderful thing.