Sanity Check

Wedding planning is 40% super fun, and 65% a big pain in the buttocks, or like going to the dentist, or like severing off your own arm. If I could I would offer you a Xanax and a quiet oasis where you could sleep all day and relax. Instead I give you cute pictures from the Internet that make me smile and a URL that I keep visiting when the stress levels get close to the “insert sharp object in eye socket” range.

http://www.cuteoverload.com/

Planning Our Engagement Party

Mrs. O.C., Ms. Dancer and I in our process of trying to plan a great theme for my engagement party planned to get together for dinner at Mama Me, an Italian restaurant, to nail down some of the details. After we had ordered our drinks we were talking about the foods I like, and I was bemoaning the fact that I could not fit all my favourite foods into a theme. And then we hit pay dirt when we decided that an ‘Around the World Theme’ would be perfect. Each room at the party could be a different theme and in that way each room could house my favourite foods from that culture. As the meal came and we dug more into the minute details of what each room would house and the supplies we would need the power went out at the restaurant. Thank god it was only out for a moment and we were able to carry on with our planning. So for those of you curious here is a menu and decoration list of what we decided to do.

JAPANESE - OUTSIDE FOOD
Sushi
Edamame
Beef Teriyaki Skewers
DRINK
½ Keg - Kirin Ichiban Beer
SUPPLIES Cups
Soy Sauce Packets
Chop Sticks
DECORATE On bar
a runner (cloth or sew bamboo mats together)
Table cloth for table
Cherry blossom branches in Vases on bar
Potted Orchid on table
Red lanterns hung with lights

FRENCH FOOD – FAMILY ROOM
FOOD
Chocolate Strawberries
Mini quiche
Brie
Goat Cheese Spread
Blue Cheese Spread
Cheddar Greyur
French Bread
Wheat and White Crackers
DRINK
Red Wine
Sparkling wine
SUPPLIES
Clear plastic cups for wine
Champaign Glasses
DECORATE
Eiffel tower with lights in the middle on the bar
Red white and blue cloth on the coffee table
Lights on curtains across couch
Candles on mantle

MEXICAN ROOM – KITCHEN FOOD
Tostito bowl cups – guac
Tacos
Taquitos
Empinadas
DRINK
Traditonal Margaritas on ice
DECORATE
Mexican tablecloth or blanket for food
Sombraro on edge of counter

ITALIAN FOOD – DINING ROOM FOOD
Bruchetta
Meatballs Marinara
Stuffed Mushrooms (Meatless)
Assorted Cookies
DRINK Chianti - Red Wine
Pino Grigio - White Wine
DECORATE
Stage food for different levels
Grapes on table
Red and white checkered cloth
Chairs on other side of kitchen counter facing toward table for seating
Candles in wine bottles

Bullshit Holiday

Today I began to call vendors to interview vendors for the wedding. I had done a ton of research on what I needed to ask and how to make sure that I was giving the most accurate information so I could get the most accurate quotes from the various companies. This way I could have a spreadsheet that was generally comparable, at least as comparable price wise as I could get from all the way across the US. Now after all this prep work before I even made the first phone call I was feeling pretty confident that I could breeze through the list of vendors I had gathered and make some decisions on which I would like to interview in person when I go to Michigan next month. Imagine my ABSOULTE horror when I could not reach or speak to the first 4 business I called, instead I had to leave messages for them to call me back at a time that was convenient to them, and then the fifth vendor I called where I actually got a person to speak to gave me the WORSET NEWS EVER. The day that my wedding is on, the one that I was ESTATIC to get due to a bride who had cancelled her date, this particular date is Sweetest Day!

Now I know 99% of you reading this probably has no idea what I am talking about, that is because you probably do not live in Cleveland OH, Buffalo NY, Detroit MI, or Pittsburgh PA; because those are the only 4 cities that celebrate this holiday. Sweetest Day was created by a group of candy makers in 1921, obviously it surrounded pushing candy as the main gift, and they were hoping it would become as popular as Valentines Day. Sweetest Day is a holiday where the girls choose their sweet and gift him with a card, candy, dinner, and flowers or any of the above. Most importantly it must include candy. So why does this holiday impact me you ask. It is because I am getting married in Detroit MI and because florists and limousines are twice as expensive on this day because it is considered a stupid holiday.

And yes I used to live in Michigan and then again in Pittsburgh but I was not one to celebrate this holiday so I never remembered it when I booked the date. It is a bullshit holiday after all, created by greedy business men 90 years ago. If I had a time machine I would bomb all of their houses right now. They just cost me a fortune.

Camera Shy

I remember when I was a kid, the fact that I was the firstborn prompted my parents, like so many parents who are ecstatic to document the fact that they have not only created human life but are managing to keep that human life alive thank you very much, to document my life in photos a lot more closely than that of the rest of their offspring. All the stages of my awkward childhood were captured. There were the odd family photos at Sears and the yearly school photos that we dressed up for. So I am used to taking a lot of pictures and love being the center of attention that is the blessing of being a first born child. Mr. Rogue however detests getting his photo taken. He is the third child in his family and by the time he came around the fawning photography had rolled to a dull every so often shot when the parents had the camera and were thinking about it. He detests getting his photo taken so much that even though we have been together for almost 4 years we hardly have ANY photos of the two of us together.

Mr. Rogue is shy and does not like being the center of attention and he absolutely abhors the thought of a ton of people staring at him and taking his photo. I would have loved to have done an engagement photo shoot but I knew that Mr. Rogue would look upon this as the first bit of physical mutilation his blushing bride to be was trying to inflict upon him. I debated with myself back and forth about weather or not I should try and cajole or force him to take photos but in the end I decided that a happier man was better than a bunch of engagement photos. I have however decided to start taking more pictures of him and attempting to remind him relatively often that soon he will have no choice, that once the wedding events start, particularly the big day; he will just have to set aside his camera shy attitude and learn to deal.

The Song

One of the first choices that I made for the wedding was the wedding song. I knew I did not want anything modern, nothing that would be a fad song that would not resonate with us 10 or 20 years into our marriage. I wanted something timeless, and for the past couple of years even before I moved to California and fell in love with Mr. Rogue that I would love to have our wedding dance be to ‘At Last’ By Etta James. Every time I listen to her slow smoky voice my heart melts and I felt like the words were so indicative of how I felt. No matter how many times I listen to this song I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt that I will love it more and more every time it’s played.

Listen to the song on YouTube

The Adult Dinner Party

Lately I have been very disenchantized about going out on the town. I am getting sick of bars, sick of the same old crowd, sick of the loud music and the overpriced drinks, I find that although I would love to see my friends getting together the energy to race around the town until the wee hours of the night is becoming more exhausting than I can handle right now. One of the things that I love a lot more as I get older is just inviting some friends over, cooking a great meal, having nice alcohol, and playing board games on a Saturday night.

Tonight I had invited three couples over and had cooked an orange glazed ham, creamy green bean casserole, potatoes, and carrot cake. Even though I had emailed everyone and asked about allergies I was not anticipating that one of the guests would not like anything that was served that evening. Each dish had something that they did not like so that was a bit of a downer, but everyone else was super happy with the meal. Afterwards we played Pictionary, Trivial Pursuit and Cranium all while imbibing massive amounts of wine and liquor. The best part is that Mr. Rogue and I could get the drunkest since we did not have to drive home. I had a great time but the mix of people didn’t really interact well. I am going to keep trying to find a good mix and then hopefully propose a recurring dinner party once a month with the same people.

You Know You Are From Detroit When:

1. If people ask you if you have been to 8 mile road
a. Um HELL no you never go there
2. Vacation means going to ‘Cedar Point.’

3. Half the change in your pocket is Canadian
4. If one of your family disowns you during the Michigan/Michigan State game
5. Your idea of a traffic jam is 40 cars waiting to pass an orange barrel
6. You know how to play and pronounce Euchre
7. You know how to pronounce ‘Mackinac’.
8. You have had the heat and the A/C on in the same day
9. You bake with soda and drink pop
10. your little league game was snowed out

11. The word thumb has geographical meaning
12. You show people where you live by pointing to your hand

13. you measure distance in minutes
14. When giving directions you use a ‘Michigan left’
15. it always smells like it just got done raining (state is surrounded by water)
16. Owning a foreign car is a hanging offence in your hometown
17. Everyone that meets you out of state thinks you know Eminem personally

I Could Kiss The Unfortunate Bride

Today I got a call from the hall that I fell in love with for the wedding, Penna’s. I had originally wanted to get married in August but the hall was completely booked. My options left open were the weekend of Thanksgiving, which was not going to work at all since more than half of the guests will be coming from out of town, have a January or February wedding which then because it is Michigan you run the risk of the weather being so bad that planes are delayed or flights cancelled and the roads could potentially become impassable or wait until April or May and have a much longer engagement than either of us planned. The only other hope was slim that a bride who had booked October 18th would back out of her slot. As none of the other options were very appealing I was praying and hoping that she would cancel out and today it did. I got a call that she had cancelled her date and since she was supposed to be in the same room as I wanted that if I was still interested would I like to have October 18th as the date for the wedding. I was ESTATIC. Although this date would never be my first pick because my birthday was October 4th and Halloween being my favourite holiday I was more than happy to scoop up this time. So now the wedding has an official date and according to all that I have read once the date is decided upon then you can start calling vendors and pricing out rates. I am so super excited I think I am going to burst with the joy of it all.

Wedding Crest

In trying to create a consistent feel between all my print pieces I decided that since I was an artist I would like to create a custom crest, a monogram that I could use throughout the entire wedding as a symbol of our wedding and our commitment to each other. I wanted something small, simple and classic, that I could use for the rest of my life, something that I was not going to get sick of in a year or two. After a ton of research and digging through a lot of various iconography and the meanings of various things I decided that our symbol would focus on three things:

1. I would like it to represent our love and commitment
2. I would like it to represent the spirituality
3. Symbolize eternity together

I knew I wanted water as a part of the image. Water is representative of spiritual aspect of divine love, eternity, fertility, cleanliness, and life. And then I love animals and I found that the peacock represents a lot of what I was looking for. The peacock represents love, immortality, royalty, beauty, holiness, compassion, and luck.

After many different versions this is the final image that I designed and then later sent to be put on a stamp. I will purchase some ink in the colors of the wedding and stamp a lot of the things for the wedding events.

Three Brides And Pasta

After a full 9 hour day at work where I swear at some point around three the clock time stopped and then started going backwards, and then another 3 hour debacle in the car navigating through hellish LA traffic, I finally arrived at Macaroni Grill where I was meeting with my engaged friends Mrs. Bulldog and Mrs. Cutie Pie. We were all bringing our wedding ideas and I was excited for us all to go over notes, ideas, and exchange gossip about all of our respective weddings. I have found that the only thing I can think about or talk about lately seems to be the wedding. It is as if a parasite has fought a war and won a piece of residence in a part of my brain and like any tyrant has rerouted all functions and communications through its sector before being approved or denied. Therefore everyone around me is now sick to death of listening to me talk about the big day. I can see their eyes just film over, their head bobbing up and down in autopilot, as grocery lists and errands are being recited in their heads.

This is one of the reasons that the brides have scheduled this dinner so we could all have free reign to talk as much or as fast as we could about our weddings and not feel like we are monopolizing the conversation with something that is not relevant to their lives.

I am excited to say that we all seem to be having very different themes for our weddings. Mrs. Cutie Pie is having her wedding in a fancy hotel by the beach. Mrs. Bulldog is having an outdoor courtyard wedding at a lake, and I am having an old fashioned church wedding and then a reception at an Italian hall. I know most of the friends that will be attending their weddings probably will not make it to mine but it still made me feel great that we were not all having similar concepts.

Unfortunately the hour and a half dinner did not allow us to cover everything but it did allow a lot of ideas to be shared and other things left to consider. I am so grateful that I can share this experience with them.

Intro Class At S - I Am In Love

Ms. Dancer has been in love, worshiping the pole, raving about her S factor Pole dancing classes for the past year. Learning to pole dance, learning to sexually move, doing this while other people are in the room, while people watch you dance, did not sit well with ANY of what I thought I would like. But Ms. Dancer kept nagging and I finally caved in. Arriving in a room full of females to start the first half, the warm-up, the darkened lights, the soothing music, the soft voice of the instructor guiding you in the movement, and the experience that my body just sang to. This feels so natural, like yoga but older, darker, deeper in its tie to woman’s curves and sensuality. The cardio in the dance segment does not feel like a workout it is moving, breathing, swinging around the pole in a timeless dance.

At the end of this 2 hour class, you feel like you have been released from a cave. More so then when you are working out, working out releases endorphins that make you happy but this, this class is like a workout high tied to something akin to self discovery. I am addicted.

Magical Presents

There are those things that you find in stores or on the internet that make you jump up and down with glee, that make you so happy you could almost keep a smile on your face all day. Today my item came in the mail and as I raced to the front to sign for it I could have hugged the middle aged mothball smelling delivery man, instead I hugged the beaten package and skipped back to my desk. Tearing open the package like a kid on Christmas morning, I pull out my magical item, a stamp that is going to make my wedding mailing life so much easier and the first thing that officially has me permanently linking my name with Mr. Rogue’s. Such a simple stamp with our return address was successful enough to keep me happy all day. This poor stamper is going to be out of ink by the end of the year but when I go to bed with my hand cramped in a permanent writing style from addressing hundreds of envelopes I will be able to think GOD because without my stamper it could have been SO MUCH WORSE, seriously if I had to write all the return addresses also I should just volunteer now to chop my arm off. Sometimes the best things in life are really cheap. I know this puppy will pay for itself a million times over and therefore in shopping terms they are basically PAYING ME to get it.

Friends That Become Family

I move around a lot; originally grew up in Michigan from the ages of 0-19, from the college years in Pittsburgh from the ages of 19-25, to beginning my adult life in Los Angeles from the ages of 25-present. The one thing I learned above everything else is that it is imperative to make great friends, friends that you can count on to bail you out of a situation you would normally have your family do. Because when you move to a city where you know no one you will have a very difficult time getting someone to fly across the country to post bail. Since I just got engaged and since I have no family in Los Angeles one of my very best friends has offered to throw my fiancée and I an engagement party for all of our Los Angeles friends. She did not want me to miss out on any part of the wedding events; I love her so much right now I could cry. So Mrs. O.C., Ms. Dancer (my MOH) and I are all going to get together and plan this party out; an adult and classy party with a great theme. Must research great themes!

Crazy Crack Addict Decides to Paint

Ms. Dancer and I are out for a rare treat. Lately we have been so busy with life, we are avoiding each other, or just plain lazy to hang out very much. So tonight she tied me up, threw me in the trunk, and kidnapped me – no wedding talk allowed. Tonight we are off to see the Murakami exhibit at LACMA.

Weird tripped out crazy crack addict decides to paint. I think that is what I would have called this exhibit. It is an interesting somewhat surreal experience, a kaleidoscope of color and once you get his vision it is so complex and interesting in its chaos.

My Main Girls

I have chosen my bridesamids and it was so easy. I got to include almost everyone I would hope to have. And I am so excited to have these ladies by my side on my big day.

Mrs. Dancer
When I was 13 I wrote a list of "Things to do before I am 30." Number 2 on the list (just after "Meet Tom Cruise") was "Always stay BEST friends with Mrs. Dancer" more than 15 years have past since we have been attached at the hip. We have followed each other around the states and the rollercoaster that is our lives has never been easy but we have had a TON of fun along the way and we never really became unattached. I love her dearly and I am sure that I will "Always stay BEST friends with Mrs. Dancer".

Mrs. Sweetie
I don't have a sister but the heavens gave me my cousin. She and I are like magnets whenever our families get together. I have shared so much of my life with her that I don't know where I'd be without her. Almost every memory I have of Mrs. Sweetie includes laughter and joy. She is one of the sweetest, kind, most genuine people I have ever met. Thanks for being my partner in crime. And I cant wait until we get you moved to the land of sunshine.

Ms. Babydoll

What I remember most about Ms. Babydoll dates back to when we were very young. She used to have the most gorgeous holiday dresses. Every detail was perfect and she looked just like a doll. I thought she was the most beautiful person I knew. And I am glad to say that Summer is still one of the most beautiful people I know, inside and out. Even though we live far away from each other, I hold out hope that she or her boyfriend will get a job out my way and we will be able play in the sunshine in California very soon.

Ms. Ivy League
When I was in 6th grade we were given a group project to do in school. She was my partner and we worked diligently for weeks on the most amazing barbiturate tree presentation with wonderful drawings and art. She remembers the tree but not me. At least my art made an impression. Shortly after this project Ms. Ivy League and I became very close. Now I cannot remember a time when I could not lean on her quiet strength. She is my rock, my most amazingly intelligent globe trotter. She has been a constant source of support and I know I can always count on her for her honest opinion. I don't get to see her as often as I would like but when we do get together its like a day hasn't passed. Ms. Ivy League is one of the most special people in the world and I'm so lucky that she counts me as one of her best friends too.

Ms. Pool Shark
When I think of my 20's in Pittsburgh I'm going to think of Ms. Pool Shark. We met circling a pool table trying to show our superiority and prowess as the best pool shark in the bar. I don't really remember who won (I am almost positive it was me but it is an ongoing debate) but I will never forget that night or the immediate soul sister I gained. Ms. Pool Shark did a lot to make me a stronger person and for that I'll be forever grateful. She's one of the strongest, bravest, most amazing women I've ever met. She is currently still in Pittsburgh and it's been hard living in Los Angeles without her. But I know who the better pool player is and just in case she does not we will meet and play as often as we can!

Mrs. O.C.
Mrs. O.C. is my Los Angeles treasure. She is so witty and genuine and always the life of the party. We have both had some really hard times and we have only pulled closer and closer. As I have been moving forward in my life with achieving my goals and ambitions Mrs. O.C. has been right beside me to talk to, advise, and console. She is one of my most trusted confidants she always has great advice and she always speaks the truth even when I really don't want to hear it. I really don't think I could have survived the last year without my wonderful friend. And I thank her for being such a BLESSING in my life.

What You Don’t Know Will Kill You

Becoming a bride is what I imagine is similar to becoming a dog owner, or a parent, or getting old. No one tells you that it is this hard, no one warns you that there are so many decisions to make, or if they do warn you then you are to STUPID and NAIVE to believe their horrible words of doom and pain.

Starting the planning process for my wedding I blissfully created a budget, a budget based on my limited knowledge, and then slowly after starting to work through some of the issues you know immediately you need to do and starting to research for things you don’t know about I found out much to my HORROR that I have no idea what the hell I am doing and a wedding is so much more than I ever originally anticipated. So I threw my original budget in the trash and started to try and do it over again, to my horror all those little things that were not originally on the list has now almost tripled my original estimate.

I know see the pull of the couples that run off to Vegas to get hitched with just a few family members and friends. You can save so much money, money that could be used for a down payment on a home, to start savings account for having children, or to pay off all your gambling and drinking debt from the college years. I know that if I went to Vegas I would bemoan the memories, the fact that I would miss out on that one big day with me in princess white gown with my night in shining armour standing and taking your forever and ever vows in front of everyone you love.

I think I am on the right path, that I made the right decision not to have a small destination wedding, that I should err on the side of caution, and that in a year I will not regret spending so much money for one day. I will keep you posted on my one year anniversary if it was all still worth it.

My Man See’s Red And Runs

Today Mr. Rogue and I sat down and went over “The Book” of wedding inspirations that I have collected. I have decided along with my maid of honour that a black and white wedding with bright red accents would be a perfect color scheme for the wedding. Unfortunately after sitting down with Mr. Rogue I found that some of my ideas were not going over so well. For instance I did not know prior to my decision that Mr. Rogue HATES red, as in the red that I choose to do accents in for the wedding. As in no I could never have red as an accent color EVER. So that means back to my search for the perfect color pallet for the wedding, a color pallet that my groom did not seem to be very interested in at all until I made a decision. I have a feeling that this is going to be one of those things, the man says “No I am not interested!” until something does not go their way, then all of a sudden they are all soooo very interested. Lesson learned, men can drive a woman crazy, but a bride insane.

Book Club - “Water for Elephants”

I like books that make you think about your life, your mortality, and how the hell can you sit here and read this book while there are obviously much better people in the world doing wonderful things and not just reading about them, so depressing. I really liked the flow the author created based off the memories of Jacob both in the present as an old man in a nursing home and as a young man thrown into the circus. There are tests of his moral compass, his self worth, living with a mental illness and of course love. The most interesting aspect of the novel is the prologue and the ending of the book both told through Jacobs’s viewpoint which in the prologue sets up the killer to be anonymous and at the end with a great twist.

Register For Gifts For The Wedding

Registering for gifts was one of the most fun wedding things I have done yet, to imagine creating a wish list of everything you need or want or just crave. I made sure to register for things in a lot of different price ranges and at a few different stores making sure that one is a national chain so people don’t have a hard time finding a store. We registered at Crate and Barrel and Macys. Here are photos of what we chose.


1. All Clad Stainless Steel Pots/Pans
2. Charter Club Anjou Bedding
3. Hotel Collection Light Weight King Comforter
4. All Clad Stainless Tool Set
5. Vera Wang Duchesse Glasses
6. Mikasa Parchement China Set for 12
7. Waterford Ballet Ribbon Cake
8. Cellar Handpainted Oval Platter



1. Large Retangular Platter
2. Olive Trivet
3. Small Appetizer Plates
4. Delish Cake Platter
5. Charlemagne Serving Set
6. Direction Double/Highball Glasses
7. Ice Tongs
8. Cocktail Shaker
9. Ice Bucket

I am hoping that a lot of people don’t show up to the wedding with gifts, that if they are giving one they either ship them or better yet give an envelope with cash so we can have a super fun worry free honeymoon. I think the only thing I really would love to get would be an entire china setting so we can gorge ourselves on the beautiful tableware at family meals for decades.

He Was The Guy I Never Noticed

Don’t ever underestimate the people in your life that are on the sidelines, that you never really see, especially young men that are beautiful, because you may end up like me, married to a man you never truly saw. Mr. Rogue was part of my life for four years before I actually had a real conversation with him. I had moved to Pittsburgh from Detroit Michigan where I grew up when I was only 19 in the winter of 1998. The reason for my move a few hundred miles from where I grew up aside from the fact that it was time for me to test my wings and fly free was that I wanted to attend the Art Institute to study multimedia and animation. I went to school there for two years and I worked at various restaurants to pay my way. Mr. Rogue, my soon to be husband, happened to be doing the same thing, going to the same school and even working at one of the restaurants I worked at. We were working together, going to the same school, and taking the same classes and we barely ever talked. Mr. Rogue remembers me, he remembers me asking for more rolls at the restaurant, I on the other hand was not looking for my knight in shining armour. I was full of energy and life and just did not truly see him or realize that we were supposed to fall in love and live happily ever after. Not that I was ready anyways, I was not ready for marriage and babies, for the old ball and chain.

Mr. Rogue ended up moving to Baltimore for a job, I stayed in Pittsburgh and bounced around in various self fulfilling relationships with men who were totally wrong for me, and I had so much fun. Mr. Rogue ended up moving to Los Angeles and becoming friends with some of my old crowd from school, who were also in LA and their lives became intertwined as roommates, friends and coworkers. After a particularly bad break-up with a complete psychopath that I was truly lucky to escape from I was persuaded by an ex-boyfriend and current friend to flee Pittsburgh and crash on his couch in LA. Because I was young and incredibly spontaneous this sounded like the most amazing idea ever. Mr. Dumb Blonde and Mr. O.C. flew to Chicago, where I was visiting a girlfriend, and with the three of us cramming into my old Jeep and my stuff packed snugly in back we drove almost straight through from Chicago to LA. With this type of shotgun approach I did not get to see much of the countryside but my first view of LA was so wonderful.

Mr. Dumb Blonde, the most absentminded man on the planet, reason #312 why we did not work out as a couple, has forgotten, despite my constant pleading to make sure it was ok, to tell his roommates that I was coming to crash for a few months. His one roommate Mr. Motorcycle a good friend of mine did not mind, Mr. Rogue, the other roommate, did not like the fact that he was not even consulted. The first night I stayed there I looked and I am sure smelled like hell from a 48hr road trip, this is when Mr. Rogue found out he gained a female roommate who was not going to pay rent and was blocking him in the garage by my Jeep so he could not take his evening swim. Needless to say he was LESS than pleased with me and Mr. Dumb Blonde. In my dreams of finding the one this would not have been the first impression I would have gone for if I had known that I was meeting my prince charming.

Over the course of the next two months as my attention got captured more and more by this wonderful, beautiful, smart and hardworking man who was so unlike anyone I had ever met, he tried desperately to push me further and further away. He was not ready for a relationship, he liked his life the way it was, he had some bad impressions of me because of my crazy friends, he even used my dog and two cats as an excuse to stay away from me, to not let me in, saying they were added responsibilities he was not interested in taking on. Silly man don’t you know I will get my way anyways. I broke through all his excuses slowly chiselling away the wall he had built around him to get snuggled right into the nook. Between his busy work schedule, my slacker I am not working schedule and our seemly contrary personalities we were complete opposites but our melding happened gradually until we were two peas in a pod, virtually inseparable.

He was the guy I never noticed, I was the girl he never truly saw himself with.

Wedding - Mood Boards

I have been researching and gathering and collecting and just having so much damn fun looking at all the creative people in the world who use the internet to show off their amazing wedding designs so I can use them for inspiration. I want to thank you brides of the internet for giving me such wonderful gifts.

The initial mood boards I have chosen as some simple jumping off points for the wedding to go over with both the groom and the MOH to try and figure out what the tone of the wedding should be. I am being swayed by so many wonderful choices.

I really like the use of branches and origami to give a real artist beauty. The bold colors of the red and the turquoise pull at my loud nature but is it really appropriate for a wedding, forever and ever, I am not to sure.





I like the Easter colors of yellows and aqua’s in this mood board but I feel this is very summer, spring feel.



These accent peaches along with the stable colors of black, white and chocolate are really pulling at my heartstrings. And although this is a better color scheme for summer I love the pop it gives.

Finding A Treasure You Thought You Lost

I had a best friend, a wonderful friend, someone who gave me a person to aspire to be like, and someone who my parents made me leave. Now I know your parents can’t MAKE you leave someone, but when you are 10 and you are a law abiding, whatever you say sir kind of daughter like I was then when your parents sit you down and tell you that the sky is green you nod your head and say “OH yes sir.” On this particular sit down we discussed how although they loved my best friend Mrs. Bitch they felt that her parents were a bit to much of something, something that they could not put their finger on, but something they decided was enough to do an intervention. They planned their timing well, it was the beginning of the summer between 6th and 7th grade and I was not allowed to call or make plans with her. By the time we got back to school a rift had formed, a rift that I could have filled and bridged but instead followed my parent’s edict. We still talked, we occasionally shared, but it was not the same, you could feel it, and we just slowly drifted apart. I always missed her, sometimes I would stare at her with her new crowd of friends and desperately wish to go against the chains my parents had mentally wrapped around me but I did not, I let her go, it was one of the saddest parts of my young life.

Almost 15 years later out of the blue she emailed me, as I read her message I started to cry, she never forgot about me, she always thought about me, and now that I was older and could make decisions for myself I immediately set about trying to reconnect, to see if the strings were still there just waiting to be gathered back up. We met at a restaurant in between where I was (my cousins Ms. Sweetie’s) and where I was going (my Grandpas house) since I was only in town for a weekend, time was a commodity I did not have a lot of. We met at La Shish and the first few minutes were a bit awkward but as we both opened up further I found that all the ties we had were still there. Sadly enough my parents feeling about her parents was not incorrect and I learned that Mrs. Bitch dealt with a very difficult home life that I was to naive to see.

I really believe in soul mates, people in this world that you truly click with, and I really believe that Mrs. Bitch is one of my soul mates. I am so grateful to have my friend back in my life and I cannot wait to spend the next 15 years making up turning my back on our friendship.

A Bride Showdown

It is wonderful when you are engaged and although you need to be careful not to gush to much in front of your single friends so you do not inflict unnecessary pain, jealousy and anger or so they do not kick your sorry love filled ass. I have not decided if it is MORE wonderful to have two of your friends who are engaged at the same time and are planning our weddings all within a month of each other. Now on one hand if I talk for an hour about how white table linens and cream dishes will not work with the lighting in the reception hall with one of my NON engaged friends and within the first 2 minutes their eyes would glaze over and the conversation would put them in such a trancelike bored state that they may forget to breath and then SHIT I will have to find a friend to replace this one that has gone into cardiac arrest and therefore is so obviously broken. On the other hand the same conversation with one of my engaged friends will take hours and each detail would be weighed heavily. I am also happy that two of my friends also found the men they are spending their happily ever after, makes me so happy with so much love in the air.

Now the only reason it is not good is because, now I know I am pulling a BRIDEZILLA here but this is my time to be the absolute center of the universe. Ok I know I act like that all the time (all those times my mother told me that I was perfect really was the problem so talk to her) but this, this is truly my earned right. Look at my hand and see my ring, there was a lot of work, sweat and tears to get that rock. So with two other friends, two other brides, I have to share the spotlight.

Maybe we should have a bride showdown. I could invite them to a reclusive clearing somewhere in the middle of the woods and we could duke it out until there is only one bride standing. I think I could win. Hummmmm.

Michigan: Mother Knows Best

My mother in her infinite wisdom situation the halls we were to tour in order from worst to the best, from the one she thought I would hate the most to the one I would want, and all this without telling me so therefore by the time we got to the last one I would be sufficiently awed into signing on the dotted line right then rather than going home to think about it and then making her come out to the one she knows I will choose. Crafty, sneaky, manipulative woman my mother is and you wonder where I get it. And I love the hall she wants me to choose, I love it and I sign the papers. She wins round 654. I think I won once and even then I think was a sympathy win (as in she purposefully let me win) so I would not quit our little tug of war game and I would keep playing (thanks MOM!).

So I signed on the dotted line but without a set date as we have three dates in mind. One I am on a waiting list for, there is a lovely bride by the name of Ms. You Took My Date who already pre-booked the day October 18th but she has yet to pay the deposit and only has a limited time to do so. If I knew where she lived I would tie her up until the day after the time limit, that way I would know for sure that I could get the day I wanted, I am tying her up in my mind. But don’t worry I would let her go after and everything would be fine. I am sure she lives in Michigan; sure the wedding planning process would be easier for her living in the state she is giving the wedding in unlike me, poor me living all the way on the other side of the country, living in the land of eternal sunshine, sigh yea poor me. So my other options are January 17th OR February 28th both dates which are in the dead of winter. And anyone who lives in Michigan knows you PLAN NOTHING in the dead of winter. Planes could be grounded; a bad storm could mean no guests. So I will wait and pray patiently that either Ms. You Took My Date changes her mind about the date or something else magically happens so I can please please please get the October 18th date.

Michigan: Visiting A Long Lost Home

Entering the home of Mr. Italian and his family I have a wonderful and odd feeling of deja vu. I practically grew up in this house and have not been back since I was young. From the age 4-10 I lived 13 houses down the street and I grew with my best friend Ms. Italian Singer. I was at her house so much that her family were my family. We were the type of close friends where I called her parents mom and dad. Those were some of the most wonderful times of my life. Although I have lost touch with Ms. Italian Singer through the years since we moved 10 miles away, my mother has kept a relationship with Mr. Italian as he is her accountant (Minister on the weekends). So information has passed from mother to father about the kids, our accomplishments and our failures. Thankfully we are reconnecting on this trip because Mr. Italian has agreed to marry us. I say thankfully because we really don’t have a plan B and I really did not want to be married by a stranger.

As always it is immediately comfortable, the house is warm and inviting, and there are delicious smells of amazing Italian food wafting in from the kitchen. I really MISSED this house. It was nice to catch up with the family. Ms. Italian Singer was there along with her younger sister and her husband and new baby who was ADORABLE. Although there was an uncomfortable moment where Mrs. Italian wondered out loud that she thought I would never get ‘fat’ because I was always such a scrawny child (um I don’t know what to say) it was all and all a really pleasant meal. I thank God someone I know will be performing the ceremony so it has more meaning.

Michigan: Marathon Wedding Venue Day

So according to all my research booking the hall and the church are the two most important decisions when planning a wedding. It was our first major decision in the wedding planning process and I suspect like most decisions for this wedding I was making it with my mother instead of my fiancée. Now I am not a relaxed calm kind of person, I am an anal-retentive specific it must be perfect kind of freak. So the fact that I am only home in Michigan for two days before I have to return to LA and I must choose the hall and with any luck book it within the window of Mid-September to Mid-November. So I really need to book the place RIGHT THIS SECOND. I am a bride to be overdosing on large amounts of sugar and caffeine don’t screw with me today.

There were two very important factors in choosing the hall, first it had to be convenient to the two churches I had to choose from our fathers ministry AND that it was classy because I had to envision our event there. Tomorrow we are looking at both churches with our father and I am HOPING that one of them will work for our special day (more like one of them HAS to work) so unless it is a ugly brown wood loving 70’s church with cockroaches and mice it will be perfect.

Unfortunately we had to cancel looking at the Royal Park Hotel because of the pre-screening call where we found out the minimum cost they charge for a wedding was WAY WAY out of our budget. This was so sad because although it was a bit further out of the way from the church it was gorgeous and reminded me of an old English mansion. So with a sigh SNIFF I crossed it off our list of options.



The first place we actually looked at was Mirage. It was ok but the exterior was really cold and made me feel it was more an office building then the nice restaurant/hall style I was looking for. I mean you see no romance here just cold lines. Also the ceiling was low and the chandeliers looked like they were from 1960’s. Could I have my wedding here, yes I probably could, but is it the nicest place and fit all my criteria, hell no. So we passed on this location.





The second place we looked at was Andiamo’s. I could see some artistic elements here that I really loved, the torn and faded wallpaper that was just recently done and the painted super high ceilings. The room was really large and unfortunately our smaller 150 person wedding would be dwarfed by the super large room. I am going to keep this on the list but I am not really sure that we can make it work.






We have one place left on Monday right before I go home that my mother assures me that I will love. And I really hope she is right because I really am desperate to get the date booked, and I have not fallen in love with any of the places we have seen so far. After the red-eye and the all day extravaganza with my mother I am emotionally and mentally exhausted. So I flopped onto the bed not unlike a fly that has been smashed with a rolled up magazine my arms and legs splayed in opposite directions and my insides seeping out. Sigh sleep = heaven.

Michigan: Thank God for Sugar and Caffeine

I don’t even get a weekend to decompress after my two week trip to the Philippines because I am a COMPLETE nutcase and planned a trip this weekend to spend with my mother trying to find a venue for our wedding before all the good places are snatched up, that is if I am not to late already. Either this trip will go VERY well or end in bloodshed. I am hoping for the former as I like my blood where it is.

I fly often because almost all of my family and friends (pretty much anyone I met before moving to LA) all live on the East coast. Generally I don’t mind flying, it gets me from point A to point B as quickly as possible and for that I am very grateful. I also used to be a flight attendant so I feel comfortable in the air and on the plane. My problem lies with the people I have to deal with at the airport and the policies and procedures I have to follow. The hours in lines where you feel like you are virtually moving backward, the fact that I am herded like cattle through ropes and lines and more lines, the fact that the person next to me does not know what the definition of hygiene means, the very sick man behind me that keeps coughing up his lung on the back of my neck, the delays that inconvenience me but that is just something I have to deal with, the fact that I have to remove my shoes and walk on the filthy ground through the metal detector in a vain hope that the ‘security’ will stop the idiot suicidal person who is attempting to bring the plane down, and the person I always get stuck next to that is so obese that they spill over the armrest and into my side of the seat.

So on this flight I get there two hours early like usual, because I really don’t like being rushed and panicky that I will miss my flight. I go through the lines, deal with the idiots in my way, get to my departure date where I find out on the monitor that of COURSE my flight is delayed an hour, once boarded we wait again for the disabled passengers wheelchair to arrive and it seems like we are waiting for the staff to get the chair from INDIA it is taking so long, then they close the doors and I shift in my seat excited to finally get going to then find out that because we were delayed we have lost our place in line for takeoff and we now have to sit and wait on the tarmac in the plane until a new spot for us is now found.

To top it all off I am taking the red-eye because seriously I really don’t want to lose the extra day traveling, I would rather spend more time with my family even if it means I am a bit cranky the first day because I can really only get a few hours of sleep (maybe 3) and that is only if the snot nose kid behind me decides that sleep is better than screaming at the top of his lungs. So upon landing I use my traditional ‘shit I only had an hour of sleep and I really need to function’ remedy of Starbuck’s Chi Tea Latte and as much sugar as I can cram down my throat. Thank God for sugar and caffeine, I really don’t think I would have survived my 20’s without them.

Mom Drank A Cup Of Crazy

I have always thought I have had a very close relationship with my mother. We could not be more different looking as I take after my father in all my looks and my temper but I got the best of my mother in her lust for life and her unbreakable drive. We have not always seen eye to eye and I have not always been the best daughter that I could be. Like the fact that I did not want to become domesticated and therefore bulked at learning how to do ANYTHING in the kitchen, or the time she wrote a letter about how I had hurt her feelings and because I was an anxt filled teenager and awkward in my thoughts and actions I did not mention it because I could not articulate how I felt into words, or all the times that I snapped with my temper, or all the times I forgot your birthday or failed to tell you everyday how much I loved you. But as I get older and learned to appreciate the lessons she taught me, the love she showered on me, and the tools she gave me to be the best woman I can be; I wonder where I would be without the mother that I have had the luck to be birthed to. I wonder if I would be half the woman I am without having had her in my life.

I love the fact that she drank a cup of crazy as she came out of the womb, that she is hard, intelligent and driven yet inside she is just a big softy, and that she is strong when I need her yet is not afraid to show me it is ok to ask for help when you are down. All her sacrifices, all her effort and all her courage has made her the best role model I could ever have. She defiantly knows me best because she has helped mould me into who I am today and I am so thankful of the success I have had in life. I know that I owe it all to my wonderful mother.

The Day Back

Wake up at 5:30AM for that run you planned to start your new routine to a new and better body. Smash alarm until it stops beeping without missing a breath and fall back into the dream with castles, princesses, dragons and crowns.

Wake up at 5:45AM and decide the run is DEFINATLY not happening; reset the alarm for 7:30AM.

Wake up at 8:30AM and realize you reset the alarm for 7:30PM and you are now a half hour past the time when you are supposed to be out the door and on the way to work. Frantically wash face, brush teeth, rake hair, throw on clothes and grab a diet coke because in your befuddled mind it is the only breakfast that you really need right now.

8:43AM drive an hour in the worst traffic ever, the traffic you have to deal with on a daily basis, the traffic that you only ever think is in movies but in LA the movies are in real life. Try very hard to reign in your temper so you don’t go ballistic on the old, the infirm, and the mentally handicap drivers that INSIST on driving terribly on purpose just to piss you off.

9:47AM walk into work with damn ugly bed hair, a horribly coordinated outfit and visibly agitated facial features 47 minutes late for work. Spend the next 9 hours drinking 4 diet cokes in hopes that the caffeine will make you feel better in the most unnatural place for a human, made to sit still in a chair, staring at a monitor under, florescent lights that make your eyes hurt and breathing in the stale circulating air because none of these windows open. Dream about just injecting the caffeine straight into my heart with a large syringe so the heart palpitations make me feel more alive. Ignore office idiot that drives you crazy and hope they go away there is no way you are doing any type of constructive work today, tell them to come back tomorrow and maybe you will be able to help.

Drive an hour and 15 minutes home with the same idiotic morons that drove you crazy on the way to work.

Walk in the door and head immediately for the wine, don’t even bother with a glass just take the whole bottle to the dark bedroom where you climb out of your clothes and into the mountain of covers and enjoy your liquid dinner in peace.

Alias

FAMILY ALIAS CHART


FRIENDS ALIAS CHART


Some may question my choice to have everyone on this site use an alias. I had a hard time when first starting to write this blog about the limitations I wanted to set and the rules I wanted to follow. I wanted to write honestly and completely about my life but I also wanted to protect family and friends. Lets face it the people in my everyday circle, people that I draw inspiration from and write about have lives, careers and crazy ex-boyfriends. Although I don't mind my life spilled all over these pages I am not sure how all of them would feel about me spilling things about them. Using alias's was my best solution to write how I want to write.

One comment that I did get when I first started using alias's was that people want to know who is who, so this page is a quick overview of the people in this blog.

Love,
Rogue Woman

New Year’s Resolution

To say I have never been a fitness junkie would be the understatement of the year. I cannot do any type of sport as the hand eye coordination gene shrieked and ran for the hills when it saw me; I guess I was not its type. It never really bothered me to be picked last for the kickball team because hey I did not really want to play anyways. So getting to the gym was as alien to me as asking someone to fly a helicopter, it’s just DAMN difficult. But I have a lot of time to lose the weight that I gained and since the weight went on slow it needs to come off slow. My wedding day is in 9 months and then we are off to an island for our honeymoon where the attire will be little sundresses, a tiny bikini, or nothing at all. All of these require in my mind a better body then I have now. Oh and as if the prospect of midriff baring attire were not enough to scare me into exercising I also hate any and all photos of me right now because I resemble some version of me 50lbs heavier then I should be. So I decided to kick my procrastinating butt in gear and just GO TO THE DAMN GYM ALREADY.

My goal was to lose weight, tone, and be able to open the jar of pickles without getting the man to do it for me. Forcing yourself to go is the hardest part, so I made a bargain with myself. I had to go to the gym, get changed, and do a 15 min work out, if at that point I still did not want to be there I could leave. However most of the time by the time I was there changed and on the machine my brain was resigned to staying at this point. This was a great trick (stolen from some random comment I read in some equally random health magazine at the gym that helped me stay at the gym longer.

I wish I could enjoy the gym like the muscle bound steroid filled 40 year old that was on the elliptical machine next to me does. She was all leathery and fake tanned and plastic faced and her bobs stayed in one place even though she was on the elliptical machine bouncing up and down to what I am sure is some version of 70’s Madonna techno. They were like big rocks and looked so fake I worried about her poking someone’s eye out. I don’t think I will ever be that dedicated I think I will always see the gym as just another chore. Right now I am just hoping that by the wedding I won’t hate the gym AS MUCH as I do right this moment, to be fair I am in a good amount of pain right now and slightly drunk. Drinking helps with the pain. Hey it’s a start.