I Used to Hunt

I used to hunt, to prowl through bars and nightclubs surrounded by my girls flirting and flashing a smile across a room trying to catch something good. Now that I have caught the man of my dreams I should be ecstatic and normally I am but to be honest lately I have been feeling a bit invisible and I have had a hard time identifying to myself the problem and then writing about it because it is not something that is supposed to be talked about. I am feeling a little restless. I think because I have been with Mr. Rogue for a few years and I am starting to get a bit itchy sometimes thinking about FOREVER. I am not a person that cheats, it is not in my DNA, not something that I would EVER do but with the wedding looming nearer and those vows weighing on my mind I just wonder for a moment can I really do forever.

I know I can, I know I will but sometimes I cannot help but think of a life of being single, of not being partially responsible for another’s happiness for not taking into account not only my reaction to things but to theirs as well, for being responsible FOREVER for someone else. It is a daunting thing and one that on most days I relish. Today however I am toggling and although I know that it is normal I wanted to put it down here and get it off my chest.

Grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. Relationships, real relationships are work, they take work to maintain, they take work to grow, and they take work to stay strong. I am so grateful for all that I have and to be spending the rest of my life with my choice and I am going to work at having the best marriage possible, a marriage like my parents, something that is never perfect but always amazing.