Michigan: Hell Lurking Beneath The Surface

I woke up super early today and jumped into my rented car for my 7 hour road trip to Culver Indiana. I was on my way from my grandfather’s house where I had been working on wedding things and spending time with friends and family, to go and visit one of my best friends, Ms. Ivy League. She tried to warn me about Culver, to make sure that I did not get sucked in by the beauty of the landscaping, the endless rolling green pastures, the animals frolicking in the sun, and it was so hard to keep it all together and resist the glory. But for our friendship I resisted the eye candy and really tried to look beyond the sugar coated outside to the true rotten core that Ms. Ivy League insisted was there.

So I attempted to picture living here, in this land of never ending hills, and then it hit me. OMG where are the stores! Where is the mall, or a Target or even a gas station for Gods sake. I can’t remember having seen anything for miles and miles and miles except the occasional barn or mansion on the hill. And then slowly, creeping over the hills, I smelled it, like a bad fart stinking up a small crowded room the cow shit seemed to infuse every molecule of air surrounding me. I could not breath because it was everywhere, there was no where to go, no where to hide. I was stuck in the GOD DAMN COUNTRY. Now if all you like to do during the day is romp in the forest and connect with nature, if your idea of a good time is getting drunk and tipping over cows, and if you don’t mind living without the finer things in life or even the bare necessities (Target) then by all means COME OUT TO CULVER. The land of NOTHING.

I am sure it is a lovely place to visit, and if I was not forewarned by Ms. Ivy League to beware of the dangers below the surface then I would have come here and been sparkled by the quiet beauty of it all. But to live here, to ACTUALLY live here, I could not do it. I am a city girl and this would be a personal version of hell for me. As it is for Ms. Ivy League who is so much more than a city girl, she is a girl of the world.

And just when I think that I had braced myself enough, that I had resisted the beautifulness of the countryside, the gorgeous amounts of fresh air I then rounded a bend and saw the school and my jaw dropped and my heart skipped a beat and I was bombarded with a million little butterflies of happiness at is obvious charm, its simple elegant beauty. It was a well manicured mini Harvard all red brick, the grounds were superbly cultivated and my newly found hardened heart was in danger of falling in love again with the beauty of it all. So I did what any great friend would do. I looked that cute little fluffy bunny feeling in the eyes and beat it back with a club until it was bloody and lifeless. Taking a calming breath I put the car in drive and slowly drove up to her home newly confident in my ability to face her and tell her that YES I understand.