Michigan: Bra Napper's

Today I am in Michigan to handle a multitude of obligations, family and wedding. As every day when I am in the town of my birth I am pulled a million different directions by all the people that love me and just need a little while to catch up and say HI. Today I have to attend my sister-in-laws baby shower and help my mother with setting up and tearing down and then Mr. Rogue and I are going to go see the pastor for dinner to go over our first round of wedding counselling and then once we are done with dinner we ran over to Mr. + Mrs. Bitch for some attempted hanging out and R&R.

Mrs. Lambchop’s shower was beautiful and it was an absolute pleasure to see her glowing with her pregnancy. My mother and I were busy setting up the food and decorations, a finding Nemo themed party as she is having a boy and decided that that was the theme she was decorating the nursery in. I was the wrapping paper bitch which I was ok with, her sister got the better job of writing down the presents that people gave her. But I understand that I fall below sister in the women’s imaginary hierarchy, I was just glad to help. Unfortunately because I was the trash bitch I was unable to get any photos of the shower and I am still trying to find some, any of that day from someone who HAD to have had a camera.

I decided since my brother and his wife are still trying to find their feet to get them a more practical gift of a set of gift certificates that would give them Pampers for six months. That gift was a hit and greatly appreciated; I think I may to this for all the babies that come into my close nit friends and families lives.

After helping clean up the party I picked up Mr. Rogue and we were off to visit the pastor. We talked about everything under the sun, our goals, what we wanted out of life, how we communicated, I almost felt like it was a huge test and I was DESPERATE not to fail. Most of the questions ended up being pretty easy as Mr. Rogue and I are a bit older and we are already living together, most of the life questions were already taken care of. And the goals are something that we have talked a lot about, because a lot of that should be ironed out before the wedding. I was grateful to Mr. Italian for going through it all because I am sure some couples had not gone through everything like Mr. Rogue and I. Then he started going over how men and women do things which I thought was pretty interesting. It was more about how the psyche of a man and a woman differ. He related to life as a pie with many slices. There is a slice for work, play, chores, love, and children. He talked about how men work on one piece of the pie at a time for instance when he is at work he is not thinking about the kids at home or his spouse. He is concentrating on the work part of the pie. Once he leaves work and gets home then he will be in the home/kids/wife part of the pie. If he had a bad day at work when he leaves he can leave the feeling of the bad day because he is in a new piece of the pie. The two pieces don’t really mix, for men they are separate. For women however the pie pieces are treated as a whole. A woman can be at work and also be thinking about all pieces of the pie. If she has a bad day at work then it affects every piece of the pie, basically it screws up our whole day until we fix it.

I learned about how men and women think in psychology but I had never heard it put in such a simple way. After our sessions we went out for a long long long Italian meal and then after the meal by the time we dropped off the pastor and his wife and got to Mr. & Mrs. Bitch’s it was 11:00pm. Originally we had planned to go out on a night on the town but once we walked in the door Mrs. Bitch took one look at our bedraggled faces and as she handed me the bottle of Vodka she offhandedly suggested we just say in and drink our sorrows away.

After a VERY long night of drinking where in the end I blissfully blacked out I woke up half dressed on the den floor with a blanket draped over my shoulders. I made it to the bathroom and managed to find my husband before I passed out again to blissful sleep. When I woke again it was morning, I was ready to screech my fury but decided that it would do no good. I got up and put on my dress but I could not find my bra. I looked under the bed, all on the floor, I tore apart the bed thinking I may have taken it off in the night, it was NO WHERE to be found. I began to panic because I really did not want to tell my long lost friend, the one that I just got back together with, where I just met her husband last night, that I was so drunk that by the way I forgot where I put my bra and I cannot find it. Please help?

After 20 minutes of discreetly looking everywhere I finally caved and told Mrs. Bitch my embarrassing secret. We both combed the house and still it did not turn up. We all had a laugh, but I cannot help but wonder how much of a crazy alcoholic they must think I am if I cannot hold my shit together for one night. Damn that bra.