If The Light Seeps In I Will Kill It

Today is one of those days where you call into work and fake some weird illness. It has to be something uncomfortable so they don’t ask you any questions or try to trick you to come in because if you say you think you are coming down with a cold they will inevitably say:
“Yea see here is the thing, remember we have that PowerPoint template that is due tomorrow and we really need you because you are the only one who can fit the insanely crammed amount of bullshit that the president wants on every single slide and we really really really need you. So how about it will you come in?”
That is when you pause and you know you are trapped because you can’t go back on the cold thing because you already gave that excuse. So my motto you have to go with the uncomfortable, we don’t talk about that in public, kind of problem. Like if you have a male boss you could tell him that “I would really like to come in but my UTERUS IS ABOUT TO EXPLODE and there is no way I can peel myself off the cold hard floor let alone into the office.” OR another personal favourite “I am so sorry but I am not going to make it in today I don’t think I will be able to make from the garage to the office let alone an hour car ride when I have explosive diarhea every 2 minutes.” One of these two are full proof “OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO LET THIS POOR GIRL OFF THE PHONE” kind of response, which is my favourite when getting out of work. Of course you cannot use this to often, because of the boy calling wolf whole thing, but when needed these are slam dunk excuses.
So today is one of those days where I don’t have a hangover, I got plenty of sleep; there is really no reason other than I never want to leave my bed again. So today I took what I call a mental health day, I drew the curtains up tight, cuddled under an excessive amount of blankets, with my two cats and my dog and spent it in bed reading and slipping into and out of consciousness. Now I just need to be able to pull off the perfect day after the explosive diarhea look tomorrow.