New Year’s Resolution

To say I have never been a fitness junkie would be the understatement of the year. I cannot do any type of sport as the hand eye coordination gene shrieked and ran for the hills when it saw me; I guess I was not its type. It never really bothered me to be picked last for the kickball team because hey I did not really want to play anyways. So getting to the gym was as alien to me as asking someone to fly a helicopter, it’s just DAMN difficult. But I have a lot of time to lose the weight that I gained and since the weight went on slow it needs to come off slow. My wedding day is in 9 months and then we are off to an island for our honeymoon where the attire will be little sundresses, a tiny bikini, or nothing at all. All of these require in my mind a better body then I have now. Oh and as if the prospect of midriff baring attire were not enough to scare me into exercising I also hate any and all photos of me right now because I resemble some version of me 50lbs heavier then I should be. So I decided to kick my procrastinating butt in gear and just GO TO THE DAMN GYM ALREADY.

My goal was to lose weight, tone, and be able to open the jar of pickles without getting the man to do it for me. Forcing yourself to go is the hardest part, so I made a bargain with myself. I had to go to the gym, get changed, and do a 15 min work out, if at that point I still did not want to be there I could leave. However most of the time by the time I was there changed and on the machine my brain was resigned to staying at this point. This was a great trick (stolen from some random comment I read in some equally random health magazine at the gym that helped me stay at the gym longer.

I wish I could enjoy the gym like the muscle bound steroid filled 40 year old that was on the elliptical machine next to me does. She was all leathery and fake tanned and plastic faced and her bobs stayed in one place even though she was on the elliptical machine bouncing up and down to what I am sure is some version of 70’s Madonna techno. They were like big rocks and looked so fake I worried about her poking someone’s eye out. I don’t think I will ever be that dedicated I think I will always see the gym as just another chore. Right now I am just hoping that by the wedding I won’t hate the gym AS MUCH as I do right this moment, to be fair I am in a good amount of pain right now and slightly drunk. Drinking helps with the pain. Hey it’s a start.