Philippines: I Can Practically Taste The US Soil

Today is the day that I go home to the land of the free, the home of the brave, and back to where I can eat all the Starbucks, Ben Jerry’s, McDonalds I can eat and for the first time in 2 weeks I will be FULL and HAPPY. This trip has been wonderful in so many ways and I am so thankful to have been given the opportunity to visit but I will never come back. In fact I don’t know if anyone will convince me to ever leave the United States again! I mean why leave we have so much beauty to explore right here in our own back yards. Maybe after the memories fade of the constant vomiting and the starvation then I will consider another overseas trip but until then I will attempt to bury my memories of the negative parts of this trip.

I thought the flight home was going to be harder than the flight to the Philippines because as so many have told me the 22 hour plane ride sucks. You feel like when you were a kid playing cowboys and Indians and your brother tied you to the tree and then forgetting you left you outside while he went in to play video games. The seats on these airplanes are small and uncomfortable, you can’t move. However my sheer excitement to get back to civilization negated the fact that my limbs slowly went numb. I was too excited to get home.

New Years Eve sadly fell somewhere in the air and I am not really sure when that was as we were flying over many timelines as the ball dropped around the world. Mr. Rogue and I sleepily wished each other a happy new year with a kiss and then we both contently snuggled in for the nap that would take us closer to home.

Philippines: My Small Piece Of Philippine Heaven

The Daka resort was the only place we went to that I felt really met the expectations I had when dreaming about visiting the Philippines but AGAIN except for the food. The landscaping was lush with gorgeous views, the multiple pools were beautiful and the pampering staff made me so happy. We were only here for a few days but I fell in love with this tiny part of the Philippines.

We rented a catamaran that took us to multiple reefs that were so beautiful, you just don’t get this untouched wilderness in the US, the coral was alive with color, there was no other person or structure as far as you could see and the fish were everywhere, it was an undersea wonderland and I was entranced by how beautiful it all was. Truly felt like I was watching the discovery channel.

My obsession with the way the Philippine culture handles bugs is still difficult to deal with there are just so many on every surface and I know that although Mr. Rogue and I joke I may never come here again because I am not sure if the trauma will allow my brain to ever fully commit to another round of this torture.

Philippines: Two Weeks With The Future In Laws

Mr. Rogue’s parents are super religious so when we were talking about moving in together for the “testing to see if this relationship thing can sustain seeing each other at our worst most secret selves” when I have no makeup on, when I am on an emotional rampage due to raging hormones, when I want to eat ice cream out of the carton in the summer and I twist my body in circles rotisserie style my in front of the open door of the freezer so I get super cold on the inside as well as the outside, those are the tests living together can flag. So Mr. Rogue’s parent’s feelings were considered and then overruled by the fact that real estate in LA is expensive and that I knew Mr. Rogue would take a while to propose and that I was not going to be one of those super bitches who forces her man to make the move too soon, so we moved in together.. Mr. Rogue’s parents did not visit, either because of circumstances or my negative Christian influence on their son I am not sure, but I like to side with the earlier.

So when I accepted Mr. Rogue’s invitation to go to the Philippines for two weeks with his parents and his brother Mr. Fruit for his brother’s wedding I agreed knowing that I had only met Mr. Rogue’s parents once for a lunch and an outing to an aquarium and that they were less than happy with our relationship/living situation (um totally not my fault I would have said yes a year before Mr. Rogue popped the question). So when I got engaged my trip to the Philippines started looking up, yea they STILL were not happy because I only had a promise to marry and we had decided to ignore their suggestion to go to the courthouse, but at least the proposal had happened so everyone was much happier and I could spend a lot of time getting to know my new family.

I feel like spending so much time with them really helped me understand my future husband better. Mr. Rogue’s dad is shy and quiet, very intelligent man who seldom speaks but when he does they are nuggets to chew on and not just words flapping in the wind like so many of the word vomit out there is. Mr. Rogue’s mom is a little awkward and shy but super sweet and caring. I know Mr. Rogue better because I know where he came from better and if I got ANYTHING from this godforsaken trip I got that.

Philippines: Oven Wedding, The Fruits are Offical

When a man, dressed as a woman wearing way to much powder blue sparkly eye makeup, shows up at the resort to do my makeup for my brother in laws wedding I am afraid. So not only do I have to worry about the fact that my skin HATES this weather and is flaking and peeling, I am NOW a freak of nature with WAY to much makeup on. As I march determinably back to my suite to wash and hurriedly repair the damage done to my face before some small kid sees me and is traumatized for life I think how I would like to beat the unfeminine transvestite, beat her with the largest blush brush in her kit, beat the woman/man who got me in this situation despite my not to gentle attempts to guide him/her as to what I like and don’t like and HOW I WAS SURE I did not need another coat of foundation over the three coats already on my skin. So now I am feeling overweight, self conscious about my overflowing bosom, red blotchy skin on my face, it is a billion degrees today and we need to sit through the two hour ceremony with no air conditioning and I KNEW I was in hell when I got here but now I know I am the devils personal play-toy and he is seeing how far he can push me before I go insane or spontaneously combust. The church literally feels like a clay oven and I cannot breath let alone help the fact that my SILK dress is now DRENCHED in sweat. YUMMY!

Aside from the fact that I am completely miserable here it is always interesting opening a door into another’s culture and it is really interesting (especially since I am now engaged and planning my own wedding) to see everything that Mrs. Fruit has planned for her wedding. I particularly like the use of personal sponsors. This is where you have to pick six married couples for each the bride and the groom who are meant to be your spiritual leaders in regards to questions you have about marriage and sticking together. Maybe if we had this institution in the US the divorce rate would go down. OR maybe it would create a web of agony, can you imagine 6 sets of parents PLUS your own telling you how to run your marriage. I also admire the concept of Philippines 2 greatest treasures, the pastor spoke a good 45 minutes about how family and faith here rule the households. And yet I still am praying for God to drop a plane ticket in my lap so I can go home early.

Unfortunately my leaving the church and getting to the quazi air conditioned reception should have made me happy BUT there was no alcohol served at Philippine weddings, they released doves as a symbol of happiness and they constantly flew around the room so I was afraid either I would get pooed on or my food would, the food was indescribably gross and I could find nothing to eat, AND the kicker I was not only FORCED to try and catch the bouquet I was rigged into picking it up off the ground. There it lie at my feet, as I stared away and HOPED someone would pick it up, and then as the multitude of the 200 plus people’s eyes focused on me and glared I considered just walking away but I had ONE GLIMER of pressure so I bent and picked it up. NOW thank GOD Mr. Rogue caught the garter but it was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life and I am happy!

Mr. and Mrs. Fruit looked very happy on the big day. Everyone was very nice and super accommodating I guess I am just either difficult to please or a completely miserable person.

Philippines: Experiences In A Third World Country

Having never been in a third world country I am left feeling so much for these people who seem to scrape a living together with less than the amount of money I throw at my daily Starbucks Chi Tea Latte. When you are surrounded by this much poverty you cannot help but get a first hand lesson in wants verses needs. Wow do I really need ANOTHER pair of shoes to add the 200 I have sitting in my closet, and sadly most of the things I wanted to purchase for the rest of the trip were all wants and very few were actual needs. There is a certain part of me that loves the obvious simplicity of their lives. This country makes me think of a simpler life without the city, and the stuff, and the competition; where life is about family, faith, and survival. There is also a certain level of ingenuity and creativity that comes from not having everything available at your fingertips. How people make their motorcycles fit a family of 6, how old signs become essential waterproof ceilings and walls, and how a length of string sees 50 different uses before it disintegrates. This level of limiting waste and making do with what you have is truly a gift I am hoping to incorporate into my life.

Philippines: Venting To The Wrong People

I am the first one to admit that I have a terrible temper and if anything is out of alignment in my universe and you tiptoe past me and the air of your passing is not to my liking then the demon enters my body as my consciousness hovers above and watches the bloody gory aftermath as the scene plays out. However in this instance I know when I am in the company of let’s say my parents and the demon is ready to bite the bullet and start raving about my significant other I am about to marry in two days, that significant other that we have all traveled to see married, that significant other that we just met a week ago, I know to shut my mouth, hold it with both hands so the spew of words stays locked tight and cannot escape, tuck my chin to my chest and run FAR FAR away as fast as I can. Unfortunately my future brother-in-law did not get this memo at birth and proceeded to let us all know, us meaning me, my fiancée and their parents, what he thought of his future bride at that particular angry moment. And I could not help but sit back and think secretly that if this marriage still goes through I will now have one up on her in the parental unit in-law ranking system and that I hope they work it out because I think she is a really special woman and I have come to really like and respect her.

Philippines: Christmas In A Fishbowl

There are days when you feel stuck. Today I am stuck. We are in Dakah which is mostly a Muslim island and not safe for us to explore. We are at a nice fenced in hotel, with gorgeous weather, a beautiful pool and horrible food. There is not much to do and since I am not interested in my book, my diary, or anything else I just lay by the pool waiting for something to happen. I think I now know how goldfish feel swimming around and around their bowl wanting desperately to escape, debating the jump that would mean escape even if it meant drying out and dying beside the bowl. At least I would no longer be IN the fishbowl.

Just when I think this is it, the last moment I will have before I go clinically insane because I have already counted every freckle I can accessibly see on Mr. Rogue’s body and chewed all my finger and toenails to bloody stubs Mrs. Fruit shows up with her entourage of family to release us. We get to go see the Tangub lights. They are beautiful but the spirit is dampened by the torrential downpour of rain. God really wants me to have NO fun on this trip. First purposely destroying any enjoyment I had with food (insert periodical vomiting) and THEN creating situations where nature is unmanageable (insert temperatures above 150 degrees, death by humidity, lots of rain, bugs as large as my head who I swear are trying to eat me) .

This is a photo of Mr. Rogue and I standing on the bridge in front of one of the displays at the Tangub Light exhibit. The sun in the background is actually made of hundreds of tiny semi transparent shells. It was one of the most amazing things I have seen.

Philippines: The Face Of Dinner

I resigned myself to not spending my Christmas with my family. I decided that spending time in the Philippines with my fiancée, getting to know his family, and being there for Barry’s wedding is important enough to miss one holiday. However I cannot stop complaining about the food here. For instance instead of turkey, ham, apple pie, mashed potatoes and all the Christmas fixings of the US I am left with the Philippine fare. And it is NOT GOOD. I walk in the front door and I get to see the entire roasted pig on the table. Along with an entire fish, and many side dishes. I am afraid I am the picky American that likes nothing. But I think that is unfair since I was not expecting to have to look at my foods dead head.

Philippines: Don't Drink The Water...

The most nerve-racking thing about vacationing in the Philippines, other than the mosquitoes that I know are going to give me Dengue fever, and the fact that no one seems particularly offended to keeping bugs and small reptiles outside as opposed to inside, and the fact that everyone eats things with the heads still attached, is the fact that you need to be SO careful about every single morsel that goes into your mouth so you don’t get a bacterial infection, aka you are not sitting on the toilet every hour on the hour spewing unmentionables from every orifice in your body. So that means no liquids unless they come from a sealed can or bottle that you break the seal on yourself (supposedly some cheap bastards fill up the water bottles after they have been used with tap water because HEY that is a huge profit margin since tap water in this country is the equivalent of drinking water that has been sitting in the gutter for the past week. That means only eat things that have been cooked so long and to such a temperature that no living piece of bacteria could possibly live which means I am left to naw on meat that is more like beef jerky. And that means that any fruits and vegetables are not allowed which is the saddest thing I have EVER heard. So today I can no longer stand this horrible diet I have forced myself on and I am now going to allow uncut bananas into my list of items I am eating and I will eat them morning, noon and night and hope that I don’t over dose on potassium while I am here.

Choosing My MOH

This was a difficult decision. On one hand I have my cousin Ms. Sweetie, a person who is like a sister, someone that I aspire to be like in so many ways. A truly gentle and sweet friend who I am DESPERATLY hoping will move to LA so I have more people I love here. On the other hand I have my best friend Ms. Dancer, a girl who I tell all my secrets to first, a girl that is so like me in so many ways, a wonderful little sister that is now such a huge part of my family I could not imagine her ever not there, someone who has through the years followed me to Pittsburgh and then was forced to move to LA (by me duh!). After many pro and con lists I left the decision up to one question. “If shit hit the fan and I needed someone to pick up the pieces who would be there, who has been there.” The answer was Ms. Dancer and that is how I decided on my MOH.

Philippines: A New Definition Of Fresh Food

Today at Tamboli West we rent a boat to take us snorkelling, then off to a floating restaurant that cooks fresh seafood. Yea, we went to a floating restaurant where the villagers had to swim to the mainland to get soda and beers. Where you choose your dinner from fresh filled buckets of live fish that they cut up and cook right then.



Trying not to think about the fact that I am slightly allergic to any seafood and the fact that my dinner is live now and won’t be soon I choose shrimp. The outcome even though I ate sparingly in the effort not to get sick was actually pretty damn good. I could get used to this life.

Philippines: Don't Poke The Sleeping Bear

When people don’t get enough sleep they get cranky, when I don’t get enough sleep I cannot function and some kind of exorcist enters my body and creates some kind of alternate universe where I am the most HORRIBLE person in the world. So after the jet-lag, the long days we are visiting a new country and sight seeing, I am tired. And the last thing I want to hear as I lay my oh so heavy head on the pillow is the stampede of small children screaming and pounding up and down the hallway right outside my door. You would think Godzilla gave birth to a pack of mutants and said hey lets see how far we can push the demon before she blows. Mr. Rogue is the smartest man on the planet he held my screaming only seeing red, ready to rip those little monsters heads off body, and shoved earplugs in my ear. Blessedly I could hear nothing. And the bear then fell asleep.



This is why my man is the bestest person on the planet for me. I love my fiancée.

Philippines: When You Are Not Told The Whole Story

Today we went caving and the reason we are going today? Because Mr. Rogue’s parents arrive in the Philippines tomorrow and this trip is DEFINATLY only for those that want to torture themselves. How did I end up one of these people.

We had to be downstairs for the cab at 5am (on my vacation I may add, and still jet-lagged). We are traveling to one of the thousands of islands called Bohol, a place that takes a

half hour cab ride to get to the ferry
that takes 2 hours to get to the island
in which we take an off road tour (so bumpy that our driver funnily (or sadly) calls it the Philippine free massage) for an hour to reach our final destination.

I know someone is laughing at the pain of this side trip.

Getting to the fortress I am pleasantly surprised. The location is remote and gorgeous, the vistas are amazing, and we got quite a few pictures of how the rural people live. Unfortunately the people here are very poor, they are living in huts. Children are barely clothed and barefoot. It is my first time in a third world country and the poverty is so sad.

At the caving tour building we are offered refreshments before we begin our hike to the site, a coconut with a straw and plantains. The coconut milk is gross (at least I tried it) but the plantains which are fried with sugar are SUPER yummy. We are given spelunking helmets with lights and walking sticks and off we go. The path they say is a bit difficult and we are handed walking sticks. We are then shown the CLIFF we need to descend to get to the cave. The rocks are slick with moss, the temperature is a million degrees and we are constantly worried about getting bit by mosquitoes and getting malaria. Needless to say the journey is hot, sticky, and uncomfortable.

Once we get to the cave I learn that we have to climb up a lip and lower ourselves with a rope to the cave floor 25 feet below. AH WHAT! We all manage with a little bit of difficulty and I am so proud of myself for getting this far. The cave is cool and a blessed break from the heat outside. Once we are all in I learn we have to walk through water on most of the track through the cave and some parts the water gets waist high, OH and one part you have to completely submerge to get to the end of the track. But I have come this far so we plunge ahead. Unlike an American treck like this we were allowed to touch everything. There were no velvet ribbons singnalling a look and see policy. That part was glorious, like seeing it on the discovery channel and actually being able to touch it.

Midway through we encounter the bats - oh don’t worry they are just baby bats and should not be HUNGRY. WTH if I had known about the bats I may not have agreed to get into the water, If I had known about the water I may have not climbed into the cave, if I had known about the 45 min decent down the hill and the conditions I would have to suffer I may have not left the building at the top of the hill, if I had known about all this I would have skipped the 3.5hour journey and still been in bed at this time. What we learn in hindsight. At least they are humane and after the track back up the building they have showers and a decent meal of fried chicken and rice YUM.

On the way back down the hill we stop at the teaching farming station and learn how the Philippines earn their living off the rice crops and how they are attempting to show them how to diversify their crops with spices and other vegetables, we stop at a fortress where islanders were protected from war and where they took an 85 year defiance of power, we stop to see the chocolate mountains perfect mounds of land sprouting from a flat plane carved long ago when they were underwater,

and we get to see the Tarsier the smallest monkey in the world.

Sometimes I still wish I was a kid where I could work myself up to the height of excitement, expend all energy and collapse wherever the hell I am. Instead I turn to Mr. Rogue I am exhausted please put me to bed.

Philippines: Alice In Wonderland

Ok the first thing we do there in Cebu on the first day, go to the Mall. I LOVE Mrs. Fruit, she is a genius. And we just don’t go to ANY mall we got to the biggest mall I have EVER been to!



It is 4 floors in most areas and has thousands of stores. I can't even describe how large at least a few blocks long in each direction.

We are defiantly the minority here and tower at least a head over most of the other people. Now the saddest part about this mall is that NOTHING fit me. Because I was so much taller and larger than the Philippine I could not purchase any cloths, bummer.

After getting tired walking forever and still being a bit jet lagged, Mrs. Fruit and I decided to see a movie and drag the boys with us.

Oh and the glee when we choose to watch "Enchanted" and it was adorable and perfectly cast. It makes you feel like a five-year-old--totally enthralled and enchanted. The boys were obviously tortured but I was OH so happy.

Philippines: The Longest Flight Ever

Today Mr. Rogue and I arrive in the Philippines for Mr. Fruit's Wedding 2 week extravaganza. The super long flight was far better than expected. Either the service of the China Air company was far superior to any other airlines I have flown OR the fact that we were on a Chinese owned company and the culture had an influence on how pleasant the flight attendants were I do not know but either way I am VERY thankful for the hospitality and the pleasant flight.



We arrived at the airport without being late - in fact we arrived 4 hours prior to departure. This was done intentionally since; a. we had never flown so far internationally before, and b. we were really hoping to get Mr. Rogue an exit row seat so he could sit and still have adequate blood flow to his legs (something I think we should all hopefully expect at the VERY least on an air flight) . I am very glad we did arrive early, the lines were very long for economy. Unlike the express first class lines (OH God why did you NOT make me a trust fund baby) we in economy are herded like cattle to slaughter. We waited in line for well over an hour with screaming babies and seriously the masses of humanity were out in force traveling for the holiday season. Thankfully some of the pain we encountered was rewarded when TA-DA we were able to secure two exit row seats. Because now we have three hours to wait till our flight takes off we decided to have our last meal before I went off to the WILD UNKNOWN of the food in the Philippines. We dined at a nice bar and grill, my choice of last meal, PASTA duh!

Body rhythms and time are tightly tied. The 11 hour time difference and the travel time from take off to landing is 22 hours. By the time we arrive in Cebu I want to eat and sleep and I am not particularly sure which I need to do now as my BRAIN DOES NOT WORK!

Our first look at the Philippines was not what I expected. Mr. Fruit and his wife to be picked us up from the airport and as we drove through the streets of the city to our hotel at 2:30am in the morning we see people everywhere. Not partiers but everyone, kids, the old the middle aged. It was like nothing I had ever seen it was like it was it the middle of the afternoon instead of the dead of night. We get to the hotel and decide to eat before we crash on whatever flat surface is close at hand. Not being the most open-minded coinsure of food I decide to order one of the simplest things on the menu, something I learned to make when I was 6, grilled cheese. Yea I was severely way to optimistic that they could get this right. Oh how wrong I was. It was not toasty, not grilled, the cheese not melted, in fact I would NOT even call it cheese in the sandwich. It was more like orange mayonnaise that someone had left out in the sun to harden. Needless to say I would not eat it. I went to bed hungry and I hopped that tomorrow I would have more luck finding edible food.

An Ocean Oasis

As winter closes in, well winter in California is more like spring, I get the incredible urge to spend more time indoors and collect do-it-yourself projects like a squirrel collecting nuts. My latest accomplishment is the completion of our ocean oasis themed family room which has been an excessive labour of love and hate. I am a little tinsy bit of a perfectionist. If that color is a bit off or the tones are not quiet in line with the big picture I have in the plan my little hands reach out to tear it to shreds so I can eradicate it from the rest of the room before it infects everything with its blatant imperfection and preserve the harmonious feel I am trying to achieve. My roadmap in areas of shopping for things in the room is the mood board that I created after much deliberation. First I like to pour over volumes and volumes of sample rooms and choose something that speaks to you. For me because I love the beach and Mr. Rogue and I love fall colors we are doing a fall ocean beach theme. The thing with themes is that they always seem to meld. So taking your inspiration theme you choose the primary, secondary, and tertiary colors - I like to use Behr’s paint, here are the colors I choose:

http://www.behr.com/behrx/act/view/shop Click on the Smart Color tutorial. Once those are picked and you find a tile color swatch the same color as your floors and gather sample bits of any tile in the room you have a good idea of where and what tones to match when you are shopping.


MY MOOD BOARD OF MATERIALS AND COLOR INSPERATIONS

We bought the couch and tables at Wickes furniture, the rugs at Bed Bath and Beyond, and I decided to make my own curtains because I couldn’t find ANYTHING on the internet or in stores that was even close to the quality and size that I wanted. Here is the finished room.

A Minister, A Doctor, And A Lawyer

My mother is often either brilliant or crazy, and right now I am on my knees typing and thanking God in this instance her brilliance is shining through and she has solved an issue I have been stressing over ever since I got engaged. My family are church rejects. We have never really been the type to go to church, our extended family on my dad’s side does but their pastor and church is to far north from where we would like the reception, I went to church when I lived in Michigan but I have been moved out of Michigan for 10 years and only VERY grudgingly ever acknowledge that I have any attachments to the state, which means basically I have only talked to the family members that I have HAD to in the past few years. SO when it came time to choose a church and location for the wedding we were stumped on who to ask to marry us. I was researching strangers in WHATEVER Christian religion I could find who would marry us for a fee but that felt so tawdry to be married by a complete stranger. So my mother remembered Brother John was a minister, a man who as a child growing up was like a second father to me because he and his daughter were sewn together at the hip and could not BEAR to possibly ever be separated. After a few emails back and forth he has agreed to do our ceremony and I could NOT be happier, that would take care of the minister and the church in one fell swoop YIPPIE! This is why every family needs a minister, a doctor, and a lawyer in the family, and right now I am damning the seduction of art college that I was lured into, evil finicky mistress that it is. Maybe husband number two could be a doctor that would be lovely.

The Bride Who Got Picked Last For Kickball

I don’t know under what universe, under which God this happened, but working for a GIGANTIC company after putting me in its mouth, chewing me up, and spitting me out with EVERY BONE in my body crushed to die, is now finally working to my favour. We lost our biggest clients due to upper management moving them to different offices in our network. Almost everyone in our 75 person company got laid off – but our office is still open and miraculously I still have a job. Every day I come in empty box in hand and wonder if today is the day I will finally get laid off because I come in every day and do NOTHING. There is no work. I come in late, I write on my blog, I surf the web, I take a long lunch where I fake errands just so I can drive around the corner to take a long nap in my car in the afternoon sunshine, I surf some more, and then I leave early. It’s like the corporate office, the Borg that runs this company, forgot about the 5 people that work here and I am just sitting in my office collecting my pay check, waiting, waiting, waiting. Now with a wedding on the way this job is a GODSEND. I can go to my job and get paid for planning my wedding. At first I thought that the sheer amount of time that I have to plan would allow me to have everything perfect. My choices would be well thought out expressions of exactness rather than scurried harried stabs at getting things done in my spare time after work and before the vodka puts me in my cold nighttime’s stupor like most brides who have to work for a living. However I am finding that with the excessive amount of hours I have to surf for the perfect inspiration flowers and the perfect way to fold my napkins is becoming more of a curse than a blessing because now I have TOO MUCH TIME! Everything I find I wonder if I spend just a few more days could I find something much better. And because I am looking all the time I am changing my mind constantly which causes a snow ball effect through the entire planning process and instead of feeling ahead of the curve I feel like the bride who got picked last for kickball. Grass is defiantly never greener on the other side of the fence, or maybe it is just my nature to find the black hole in every situation.

Dreaming Of A Theme

The time of the wedding influences so much what you can do with themes and colors for a wedding? Also how long am I willing to wait for my wedding? Mr. Rogue’s work schedule has to be taken into consideration if we want to do a honeymoon right after which I totally want. So we are left with planning a wedding after August (when his crunch time ends). I would love the wedding be in September, October could be ok but I would really like to stay out of October (because of my Birthday and Halloween), I would also not like November or December because of the holidays. A wedding also in January – March in Michigan is very dangerous. A snowstorm could stop planes and impede many guests from attending. And I could do April or May but seriously that is a LONG time from now. So I am going to pray, pray, pray that I find a hall that I love and it is available September, but I will also be open to August and October.

By default I am going to work on a fall or winter wedding. And there are SO MANY great options for themes, jewel tones in burgundies and oranges for fall; and ice tones in whites, blues and silvers for a winter wedding. These inspiration photos are just gorgeous and I can’t wait till I get a confirmed date. Until then I will just dream.

Inspire Me

Magazines, wedding sites, images, to do lists, asking friends about their wedding; my life is consumed with finding as many things I like for the wedding and documenting it in the ultimate bride helper, the inspiration book. Now is not the time to reign back, if I see a 16 story flower tower to go behind the pastor at the altar made of miniature pink ponies then I clip it. I can pick anything and everything the power is endless. I have become a wedding magazine whore. I can’t seem to help myself, in the grocery store, Target, at the gas station, they are EVERYWHERE and I have a small voice in my head that screams “must have every single one’. I think I really need to find that voice, take it to the back yard, and beat the hell out of it until it can no longer speak and will lay dormant for a while or I am going to spend our entire wedding budget on the inspiration magazines.

Cruise To The Caribbean

So initially I was thinking of doing a destination wedding. Just me and my fiancée with our closest family and friends, however on further reflection, or maybe it’s just because I am crazy. I have decided to have a large formal wedding with everyone I know invited. My family needs a reason to celebrate, I desperately need a distraction, and I would have a wonderful beautiful memory to last for the rest of my life. So I will say goodbye to the wonderful images I have picked for a beautiful private beach ceremony. But I will not say goodbye without posting them here .







However if I become a crazy bridezilla and the wedding gets called off even before we get to the chapel I will blame the fact that I think I may be going crazy.

HOLY CRAP I Have To Plan A Wedding Phase

It is amazing how quickly your life is engulfed by one 8 hr event. I just started researching and you don’t even think about all the things that need to be done. Find the location, choose the theme, pick the food, the cake, get the pastor, wedding counselling, flowers, colors, songs, dances, readings... and the list goes on and on and on and on. How the hell am I going to do all this with my mom so far away, my bridesmaids all scattered across the US, and me dealing with a depression so deep I sometimes just want to throw my face into a pillow and scream until I cannot breath. I hope I make it to the wedding day with all my facilities still working.

Forget The Pain

When I was single it was so hard to feel happy for the people in my life getting engaged. It was like they forgot how horrible and painful it can be sometimes sans man. People in a relationship forget the pain of being single, like getting a man was a big smack on the head causing profuse bleeding and temporary amnesia.

Now that I am engaged I try to temper my glorious euphoria around my single friends because I remember how I felt, when it was not me, and I really wanted the same things. This is a time when I need all my girls, married or single (as most of them are single), single most of all. Those are the girls that while sobbing incoherently on the floor picked me up, or listened to my long winded documentaries about how wonderful Mr. Rogue’s eyes were, sharing with me all the ups and downs of the relationship rollercoaster. I want to be able to share everything, like I have always done, but still I wonder if I am being tactless, if I am poking at a sore wound, and how smart that really is. But once you start talking weddings, babies, kids, the single brain seems to turn off. Hey I was there too. Now I find myself getting drawn down the tunnel of how amazing those conversations are. Hello Stepford wife here I come.

My Something Big And Shiny

My mother was ecstatic. We all knew it was going to happen, hopefully sooner than later, and after two minutes of happiness her brain switched to planning mode. Unfortunately I live very far away from her AND I thought I knew what I wanted but now I am not so sure. Another hiccup is that we are about to leave for the Philippines and that trip is going to disrupt trying to pick a day for the wedding as we have to decide what type of wedding we want before we can move forward. I will have to plan a trip to Michigan to figure this out and check out some places for options. In the mean time I know have a lot to do at work, looking at anything and everything wedding.

Telling my dad was fun, he said congratulations and when are we going to meet you in Vegas. VEGAS as if I would NEVER have my wedding there.

Mr. Rogue’s parents, after their congratulations at getting engaged, we got the conversation about how long a wedding takes to plan and that maybe it would be just better to go down to city hall, as a matter of fact you can make it tomorrow they encouraged because today it is closed by now. SERIOUSLY are you kidding me. I waited my whole life for this day and I am not sullying it by going down to the court house with no family and friends. Although I understand their religious issues with us living together before we are married and their need to see us officially linked there is no way I am going down to the court house to get married.

All in all it is SUPER happy day, I get to spend the rest of my life with the most wonderful man I know AND I got a big shiny piece of jewelry. A ring that I love love love.



Here is an interesting story of how giving the wedding ring came to be:“Until the 1930’s a woman jilted by her fiancé could sue for financial compensation for “damage” to her reputation under what was known as the “breach of promise to marry” action. As courts began to abolish such actions, diamond ring sales rose in response to a need for a symbol of financial commitment from the groom, argues the legal scalar Margaret Brinig- noting, crucially, that ring sales began to rise a few years before the De Beers campaign. To be marriageable at the time you needed to be a virgin, but, Brinig points out, a large percentage of women lost their virginity while engaged. So some structure of commitment was necessary to assure betrothed women that men weren’t just trying to get them into bed. The “Breach of Promise” action had helped prevent what society feared would be rampant seduce-and-abandon scenarios; in its lieu, the pricey engagement ring would do the same. (implicitly, it would seem, a woman’s virginity was worth the price of a ring, and varied according to the status of her groom-to-be” M. O’Rourke, “Diamonds are a girls worst friend” (slate.com)

Eternally Happy

Last night was filled with such joy and such brilliant amazing mind-numbing happiness, the kind of feeling that you are FINALLY getting everything you want in life and you want the WHOLE world to feel everything you are right this moment. That is how I feel right now. Blissfully happy because I am finally engaged, engaged without begging or resulting in ultimatums, engaged on his terms, in his style, his way, and it was perfect. I always thought I needed fan-fair, a great story, a moment as momentous as the ring. Instead I got surprised at home, just the two of us, a quiet happy night, it was perfect. Sometimes you don’t get what you want, but instead you get what you need.